Mrs Hard. He seems strangely puzzled now himself, methinks. Tony. [Still gazing.] A damned up and down hand, as if it was disguised in liquor. [Reading.] Dear sir,' Ay, that's that. Then there's an M, and a T, and an S! but whether the next be an izzard or an R, confound me, I cannot tell! Mrs Hard. What's that, my dear? Can I give you any assistance ? Miss Nev. Pray, aunt, let me read it. Nobody reads a cramp hand better than I. [Twitching the letter from her.] Do you know who it is from? Tony. Can't tell, except from Dick Ginger, the feeder. Miss Nev. Ay, so it is, [Pretending to read.] 'Dear Squire, hoping that you're in health, as I am at this present. The gentlemen of the Shake-bag club has cut the gentlemen of the Goose-green quite out of feather. The odds'-um-odd battle-um-long fighting-um.' here, here; it's all about cocks, and fighting; it's of no consequence; here, put it up, put it up. [Thrusting the crumpled letter upon him. Tony. But I tell you, miss, it's of all the consequence in the world. I would not lose the rest of it for a guinea. Here, mother, do you make it out. Of no consequence? [Giving MRS HARDCASTLE the letter. Mrs Hurd. How is this! [Reads.] Dear Squire, I am now waiting for Miss Neville, with a post chaise and pair, at the bottom of the 'garden; but I find my horses yet unable to perform the journey. I expect you'll assist us 'with a pair of fresh horses, as you promised.'Dispatch is necessary, as the hag (ay the hag) "your mother, will otherwise suspect us. Your's, Hastings.' Grant me patience! I shall run distracted! My rage chokes me! Miss Nev. I hope, madam, you'll suspend your resentment for a few moments, and not impute to me any impertinence, or sinister design, that belongs to another. Tony. Ay, that's a sure thing. Miss Nev. What better could be expected from being conneted with such a stupid fool, and after all the nods and signs I made him! Tony. By the laws, miss, it was your own cleverness, and not my stupidity, that did your business. You were so nice, and so busy with your Shake-bags and Goose-greens, that I thought you could never be making believe. Enter HASTINGS. Hast. So, sir, I find, by my servant, that you have shewn my letter, and betrayed us. Was this well done, young gentleman? Tony. Here's another. Ask miss, there, who betrayed you. Ecod, it was her doing, not mine. Enter MARLOW. Mar. So I have been finely used here among you! Rendered contemptible, driven into illinanners, despised, insulted, laughed at ! Tony. Here's another! We shall have old Bedlam broke loose presently. Miss Nev. And there, sir, is the gentleman to whom we all owe every obligation. Mar. What can I say to him? a mere booby, an idiot, whose ignorance and age are a protection. Hast. A poor contemptible booby, that would but disgrace correction. Miss Nev. Yet with cunning and malice enough to make himself merry with all our embarrassments. Hast. An insensible cub. Mar. Replete with tricks and mischief. Tony. Baw! damme, but I'll fight you both, one after the other-with baskets. Mar. As for him, he's below resentment.But your conduct, Mr Hastings, requires an explanation. You knew of my mistakes, yet would not undeceive me! Mar. But, sir Miss Nev. Mr Marlow, we never kept on your mistake, till it was too late to undeceive you.Be pacified. Enter Servant. Hast. Tortured as I am with my own disapMrs Hard. [Curtseying very low.] Fine spo-pointments, is this a time for explanations? It is ken madam! you are most miraculously polite not friendly, Mr Marlow. and engaging, and quite the very pink of courtesy and circumspection. Madam! [Changing her tone. And you, you great ill-fashioned oaf, with scarce sense enough to keep your mouth shut! Were you, too, joined against me? But I'll defeat all your plots in a moment. As for you, madam, since you have got a pair of fresh horses ready, it would be cruel to disappoint them. So, if you please, instead of running away with your spark, prepare, this very moment, to run off with me. Your old aunt Pedigree will keep you secure, I'll warrant me. You, too, sir, Miss Nev. Well, well; I'll come presently. may mount your horse, and guard us upon the Mar. [To HASTINGS.] Was it well done, sir, to way. Here, Thomas, Roger, Diggory, I'll shew assist in rendering me ridiculous? To hang me you, that I wish you better than you do your-out for the scorn of all my acquaintance? Deselves. pend upon it, sir, I shall expect an explanation. Hast. Was it well done, sir, if you are upon [Exit. Miss Nev. So, now, I'm completely ruined! Ser. My mistress desires you'll get ready immediately, madam. The horses are putting to. Your hat and things are in the next room. are to go thirty miles before morning. We [Exit Servant. that subject, to deliver, what I entrusted to yourself, to the care of another, sir? Miss Nev. Mr Hastings! Mr Marlow! Why will you increase my distress by this groundless dispute? I implore, I entreat you— Enter Servant. Ser. Your cloak, madam. My mistress is impatient. Miss Nev. I come. Pray, be pacified. If I leave you thus, I shall die with apprehension. Enter Servant. Ser. Your fan, muff, and gloves, madam. The horses are waiting. Miss Nev. O, Mr Marlow! if you knew what a scene of constraint and ill-nature lies before me, I am sure it would convert your resentment into pity. Mar. I am so distracted with a variety of passions, that I don't know what I do. Forgive me, madam. George, forgive me. You know my hasty temper, and should not exasperate it. Hast. The torture of my situation is my only excuse. Miss Nev. Well, my dear Hastings, if you have that esteem for me, that I think, that I am sure you have, your constancy for three years will but increase the happiness of our future connection. If Mrs Hard. [Within.] Miss Neville. Constance! why Constance, I say! Miss Nev. I'm coming. Well, constancy.Remember, constancy is the word. [Erit. Hast. My heart, how can I support this? To be so near happiness, and such happiness! Mar. [To TONY.] You see now, young gentleman, the effects of your folly. What might be amusement to you, is here disappointment, and even distress. Tony. [From a reverie.] Ecod, I have hit it! It's here. Your hands. Yours and yours, my poor Sulky. My boots there, ho! Meet me two hours hence, at the bottom of the garden; and if you don't find Tony Lumpkin a more good-natured fellow than you thought for, I'll give you leave to take my best horse, and Bet Bouncer into the bargain. Come along! My boots, ho! [Exeunt. SCENE I-Continues. ACT V. Enter HASTINGS and Servant. Hast. You saw the old lady and Miss Neville drive off, you say? Ser. Yes, your honour. They went off in a post coach, and the young 'squire went on horseback. They're thirty miles off by this time. Hast. Then, all my hopes are over! Ser. Yes, sir. Old sir Charles is arrived.He, and the old gentleman of the house, have been laughing at Mr Marlow's mistake this half hour. They are coming this way. Hast. Then, I must not be seen. So, now to my fruitless appointment at the bottom of the garden. This is about the time. [Exit. Enter SIR CHARLES MARLOW and HARD CASTLE. Hard. Ha, ha, ha! The peremptory tone in which he sent forth his sublime commands! Sir Cha. And the reserve, with which, I suppose, he treated all your advances ! Hard. And yet he might have seen something in me above a common inn-keeper, too. Sir Cha. Yes, Dick! but he mistook you for an uncommon inn-keeper, ha, ha, ha! to me? My son is possessed of more than a competence already, and can want nothing but a good and virtuous girl to share his happiness, and encrease it. If they like each other, as you say they do Hard. If, man? I tell you they do like each other. My daughter as good as told me so. Sir Cha. But girls are apt to flatter themselves, you know. Hard. I saw him grasp her hand in the warmest manner myself; and here he comes to put you out of your ifs, I warrant him. Enter MARLOW. Mar. I come, sir, once more, to ask pardon for my strange conduct. I can scarce reflect on my insolence without confusion? Hard. Tut, boy! a trifle. You take it too gravely. An hour or two's laughing with my daughter will set all to rights again-She'll never like you the worse for it. Mar. Sir, I shall be always proud of her approbation. Hard. Approbation is but a cold word, Mr Marlow; if I am not deceived, you have something more than approbation thereabouts. You take me? Hard. Well, I am in too good spirits to think of any thing but joy. Yes, my dear friend, this union of our families will make our personal friendships hereditary; and though my daugher. ter's fortune is but small Sir Cha. Why, Dick, will you talk of fortune Mar. Really, sir, I have not that happiness. Hard. Come, boy; I'm an old fellow, and know what's what, as well as you that are youngI know what has past between 'youbut mum. Mar. Sure, sir, nothing has past between us but the most profound respect on my side, and the most distant reserve on hers. You don't think, sir, that my impudence has been passed upon all the rest of the family? Hard. Impudence! No, I don't say thatNot quite impudence-Though girls like to be played with, and rumpled too, sometimes. But she has told no tales, I assure you. Mar. I never gave her the slightest cause. Hard. Well, well. I like modesty in its place well enough. But this is over acting, young gentleman. You may be open. Your father and I will like you the better for it. Mar. May I die, sir, if I everHard. I tell you, she don't dislike you; and as I'm sure you like her Mar. Dear-I protest, sir Hard. I see no reason why you should not be joined as fast as the parson can tie you. Mar. But hear me, sir Hard. Your father approves the match, I admire it, every moment's delay will be doing mischief, so Sir Cha. Did he talk of love? Sir Cha. Amazing! And all this formally? Hard. Now, my friend, I hope you are satisfied? Slr Cha. And how did he behave, madam? Miss Hard. As most profest admirers do. Said some civil things of my face, talked much of his want of merit, and the greatness of mine; mentioned his heart, gave a short tragedy-speech, and ended with pretended rapture. Sir Chu. Now I'm perfectly convinced, indeed. I know his conversation among women to be modest and submissive. This forward, canting, ranting manner, by no means describes him, and I'm confident he never sat for the picture. Miss Hard. Then what, sir, if I should convince you to your face of my sincerity? If you and my papa, in about half an hour, will place yourselves behind that screen, you shall hear him declare his passion to me in person. you Sir Cha. Agreed. And if I find him what Mar. But why won't you hear me? By all describe, all my happiness in him must have an that's just and true, I never gave Miss Hard- end. [Exit. castle the slightest mark of my attachment, or Miss Hard. And if you don't find him what I even the most distant hint to suspect me of af-describe-I fear my happiness must never have a fection. We had but one interview, and that beginning. was formal, modest, and uninteresting. Hard. [Aside.] This fellow's formal, modest impudence, is beyond bearing. Sir Cha. And you never grasped her hand, or made any protestations? Mar. As Heaven is my witness, I came down in obedience to your commands! I saw the lady without emotion, and parted without reluctance. I hope you'll exact no further proofs of my duty, nor prevent me from leaving a house, in which I suffer so many mortifications. [Exit. Sir Cha. I'm astonished at the air of sincerity with which he parted! Hard. And I'm astonished at the deliberate intrepidity of his assurance. Sir Cha. I dare pledge my life and honour upon his truth. Hard. Here comes my daughter, and I would stake my happiness upon her veracity. Enter MISS HARDCASTLE. Kate, come hither, child. Answer us sincerely, and without reserve; has Mr Marlow made you any professions of love and affection? Miss Hard. The question is very abrupt, sir! But since you require unreserved sincerity, I think he has. Hard. [To SIR CHARLES.] You see! Sir Cha. And pray, madam, have you and my son had more than one interview? Miss Hard. Yes, sir, several. Hard. [To SIR CHARLES.] You see! Sir Cha. But did he profess any attachment? Miss Hard. A lasting one. VOL. II. [Exeunt. SCENE II.-The back of the garden. Enter HASTINGS. Hast. What an ideot am I, to wait here for a fellow, who probably takes a delight in mortifying me. He never intended to be punctual, and I'll wait no longer. What do I see? It is he, and perhaps with news of my Constance. Enter TONY, booted and spattered. My honest 'squire! I now find you a man of your word. This looks like friendship. Tony. Ay, I'm your friend, and the best friend you have in the world, if you knew but all. This riding by night, by the by, is cursedly tiresome. It has shook me worse than the basket of a stage coach. Hast. But how? Where did you leave your fellow travellers? Are they in safety? Are they housed? Tony. Five and twenty miles in two hours and a half, is no such bad driving. The poor beasts have smoked for it: Rabbit me, but I'd rather ride forty miles after a fox, than ten with such varment! Hast. Well, but where have you left the ladies? I die with impatience. Tony. Left them? Why, where should I leave them, but where I found them? Hast. This is a riddle! Tony. Riddle me this then. What's that goes round the house, and round the house, and never touches the house? 6 F Hast. I'm still astray. Tony. Why that's it, mun. I have led them astray. By jingo, there's not a pond or slough within five miles of the place but they can tell the taste of! Hast. Ha, ha, ha! I understand; you took them in a round, while they supposed themselves going forward. And so you have at last brought them home again! Tony. You shall hear. I first took them down Feather-bed-lane, where we stuck fast in the mud. I then rattled them crack over the stones of Up-and-down Hill-I then introduced them to the gibbet on Heavy-tree Heath-and from that, with a circumbendibus, I fairly lodged them in the horsepond at the bottom of the garden. Hast. But no accident, I hope? be afraid. Is that a man that's galloping behind Mrs Hard. O death! Tony. No, its only a cow. Don't be afraid, mamma-don't be afraid. Mrs Hard. As I'm alive, Tony, I see a man coming towards us! Ah! I'm sure on't. If he perceives us, we are undone. Tony. [Aside.] Father in law, by all that's unlucky, come to take one of his night walks! [To her.] Ah, its a highwayman, with pistols as long as my arm. A damned ill looking fellow! Mrs Hard. Good Heaven defend us! He ap proaches. Tony. Do you hide yourself in that thicket, and leave me to manage him. If there be any danger I'll cough, and cry hem! When I cough, be sure to keep close. [MRS HARDCASTLE hides behind a tree in the back scene.] Tony. No, no. Only mother is confoundedly frightened. She thinks herself forty miles off She's sick of the journey, and the cattle can scarce crawl. So, if your own horses be ready, you may whip off with cousin, and I'll be bound that no soul here can budge a foot to follow you. Hast. My dear friend, how can I be grateful? Tony. Ay, now its dear friend, noble 'squire. Just now, it was all idiot, cub, and run me through the guts. Damn your way of fighting, Iple in want of help. Oh, Tony, say! After we take a knock in this part of the did not expect you so soon back. country, we kiss and be friends. But if you had ther and her charge in safety? run me through the guts, then I should be dead, Tony. Very safe, sir, at my aunt Pedigree's. and you might go kiss the hangman. Enter HARDCASTLE. Hurd. I'm mistaken, or I heard Hem! voices of peo that you? I Are your mo Mrs Hard. [From behind.] Ah death! I find there's danger! Hard. Forty miles in three hours! sure, that's too much, my youngster. Tony. Stout horses and willing minds make short journies, as they say. Hem! Mrs Hard. [From behind.] Sure he'll do the dear boy no harm! Hard. But I heard a voice here; I should be glad to know from whence it came? Tony. It was I, sir, talking to myself, sir. I Mrs Hard. Oh, Tony, I'm killed! Shook! Battered to death! I shall never survive it! was saying that forty miles in three hours was That last jolt, that laid us against the quickset hedge, has done my business. Tony. Alack, mamma, it was all your own fault. You would be for running away by night, without knowing one inch of the way. very good going. Hem! As to be sure it was. Hem! I have got a sort of cold by being out in the air. We'll go in, if you please? Hem! Hard. But if you talked to yourself, you did not answer yourself. I am certain I heard two voices, and am resolved [Raising his voice.] to Mrs Hard. [From behind.] Oh! he's coming to find me out! Oh! Mrs Hard. I wish we were at home again! I never met so many accidents in so short a jour-find the other out. ney. Drenched in the mud, overturned in a ditch, stuck fast in a slough, jolted to a jelly, and at last to lose our way! Whereabouts do you think we are, Tony? Tony. By my guess, we should be upon Crack--I'll tell you all, sir. skull common, about forty miles from home. Mrs Hard. O lud! O lud! the most notorious spot in all the country. We only want a robbery to make a complete night on't. Tony. What need you go, sir, if I tell you? Hem! I'll lay down my life for the truth-hem [Detaining him. Hard. I tell you, I will not be detained. I in-. sist on seeing. It's vain to expect I'll believe you. Mrs Hard. [Running forward from behind.] Tony. Don't be afraid, mamma, don't be a-O lud! he'll murder my poor boy, my darling! fraid. Two of the five that kept here are hang- Here, good gentleman, whet your rage upon me. ed, and the other three may not find us. Don't Take my money, my life, but spare that young gentleman! spare my child, if you have any mercy! Hard. My wife! as I am a Christian. From whence can she come, or what does she mean! Mrs Hard. [Kneeling.] Take compassion on us, good Mr Highwayman. Take our money, our watches, all we have, but spare our lives. We will never bring you to justice, indeed we won't, good Mr Highwayman! Hard. I believe the woman's out of her senses! What, Dorothy, don't you know me? Mrs Hard. Mr Hardcastle, as I'm alive! My fears blinded me. But who, my dear, could have expected to meet you here, in this frightful place, so far from home? What has brought you to follow us? Hard. Sure, Dorothy, you have not lost your wits. So far from home, when you are within forty yards of your own door.-[To him.] This is one of your old tricks, you graceless rogue![To her.] Don't you know the gate, and the mulberrytree? and don't you remember the horsepond, my dear? Mrs Hard. Yes, I shall remember the horsepond as long as I live; I have caught my death in it.-To TONY.] And is it to you, you graceless varlet, I owe all this? I'll teach you to abuse your mother, I will. Tony. Ecod, mother, all the parish says you have spoiled me, and so you may take the fruits on't. Mrs Hard. I'll spoil you, I will! [Follows him off the stage. Hard. There's morality, however, in his reply. [Exit. Enter HASTINGS and MISS NEVILLE. Hast. My dear Constance, why will you deliberate thus? If we delay a moment, all is lost for ever. Pluck up a little resolution, and we shall soon be out of the reach of her malignity. Miss Neo. I find it impossible. My spirits are so sunk with the agitations I have suffered, that I am unable to face any new danger: Two or three years patience will, at last, crown us with happiness. Hast. Such a tedious delay is worse than inconstancy. Let us fly, my charmer! Let us date our happiness from this very moment. Perish fortune! Love and content will increase what we possess beyond a monarch's revenue. Let me prevail. Miss Nev. No, Mr Hastings; no. Prudence once more comes to my relief, and I will obey its dictates. In the moment of passion, fortune may be despised, but it ever produces a lasting repentance. I'm resolved to apply to Mr Hard-❘ castle's compassion and justice for redress. Hast. But though he had the will, he has not the power to relieve you. Miss Nev. But he has influence; and upon that I am resolved to rely. Hast. I have no hopes. But since you persist, I must reluctantly obey you. SCENE III.-Changes. [Exeunt. Enter SIR CHARLES MARLOW and Miss Sir Cha. What a situation am I in! If what you say appears, I shall then find a guilty son. If what he says be true, I shall then lose one that, of all others, I most wished for a daughter. Miss Hard. I am proud of your approbation, and to shew I merit it, if you place yourselves as I directed, you shall hear his explicit declaration. But he comes. Sir Cha. I'll to your father, and keep him to the appointment. [Exit SIR CHA. Enter MARLOW. Mar. Though prepared for setting out, I come once more to take leave; nor did I, till this moment, know the pain I feel in the separation. Miss Hard. [In her own natural manner.] I believe these sufferings cannot be very great, sir, which you can so easily remove. A day or two longer, perhaps, might lessen your uneasiness, by shewing the little value of what you now think proper to regret. Mar. [Aside.] This girl every moment improves upon me.-[To her.] It must not be, madam. I have already trifled too long with my heart. My very pride begins to submit to my passion. The disparity of education and fortune, the anger of a parent, and the contempt of my equals, begin to lose their weight; and nothing can restore me to myself, but this painful effort of resolution. Miss Hard. Then go, sir. I'll urge nothing more to detain you. Though my family be as good as hers you came down to visit, and my education, I hope, not inferior, what are these advantages without equal affluence? I must remain contented with the slight approbation of imputed merit; I must have only the mockery of your addresses, while all your serious aims are fixed on fortune. Enter HARDCASTLE and SIR CAARLES Marlow from behind. Sir Cha. Here, behind this screen. Hard. Ay, ay; make no noise. I'll engage my Kate covers him with confusion at last. Mar. By heavens, madam, fortune was ever my smallest consideration! Your beauty at first caught my eye; for, who could see that without emotion? But every moment that I converse with you, steals in some new grace, heightens the picture, and gives it stronger expression. What at first seemed rustic plainness, now appears refined simplicity. What seemed forward assurance, now strikes me as the result of courageous innocence, and conscious virtue. |