THE Abfurdity in this Inftance is obvious. And yet every time that clafhing Metaphors are put together, this Fault is committed more or lefs. It hath already been faid, that Metaphors are Images of things which affect the Senfes. An Image, therefore, taken from what acts upon the Sight, cannot, without Violence, be applied to the Hearing; and fo of the rest. It is no less an Impropriety to make any Being in Nature or Art to do things in its Metaphorical State, which it could not do in its Original I fhall illuftrate what I have faid by an Inftance which I have read more than once in Controverfial Writers. The heavy Lashes faith a celebrated Author, that have dropp'd from your Pen, &c. I fuppofe this Gentleman having frequently heard of Gall dropping from a Pen, and being lashed in a Satyr, he was resolved to have them both at any Rate, and fo uttered this complete Piece of Nonfenfe. It will moft effectually discover the Abfurdity of these monftrous Unions, if we will fuppofe thefe Metaphors or Images actually painted. Imagine then a Hand. holding a Pen, and several Lashes of Whip-cord falling from it, and you have the true Representation of this fort of Eloquence. I believe, by this very Rule, a Reader may be able to judge of the Union of all Metaphors whatsoever, and determine which are Homogeneous, and which Heterogeneous: or to speak more plainly, which are Confiftent, and which Inconfiftent. THERE is yet one Evil more which I must take notice of, and that is the running of Metaphors into tedious Allegories; which, though an Error on the better Hand, caufes Confufion as much as the other. This becomes abominable, when the Luftre of one Word leads a Writer out of his Road, and makes him wander from his Subject for a Page together. I remember a young Fellow, of this Turn, who having faid by Chance that his Mistress had a World of Charms, thereupon took occafion to confider her as one poffeffed of Frigid and Torrid Zones, and pursued her from the one Pole to the other. I fhall conclude this Paper with a Letter written in that enormous Stile, which I hope my Reader hath by by this time fet his Heart againft. The Epiftle hath heretofore received great Applause; but after what hath been faid, let any Man commend it if he dare. SIR, A FTER the many heavy Lashes that have fallen from your Pen, you may justly expect in return all the Load that my Ink can lay upon your Shoulders. You have Quartered all the foul Language upon me, ⚫ that could be raked out of the Air of Billingsgate, ⚫ without knowing who I am, or whether I deferve to be Cupped and Scarified at this rate. I tell you once for all, turn your Eyes where you please, you shall 6 never Smell me out. Do you think that the Panicks, 'which you for about the Parish, will ever build a • Monument to your Glory? No, Sir, you may Fight thefe Battles as long as you will, but when you come to Balance the Account you will find that you have been Fishing in troubled Waters, and that an Ignis fatuus hath bewildered you, and that indeed you have built upon a fandy Foundation, and brought your Hogs to a fair Market. I am, SIR, Yours, &c. No 596. Monday, Molle meum levibus Cor eft violabile Telis. T Ovid. HE Cafe of my Correfpondent, who fends me the following Letter, has fomewhat in it fo very whimsical, that I know not how to entertain my Readers better than by laying it before them.. SIR SIR, I AM fully convinced that there is not upon Earth a more impertinent Creature than an importunate ⚫ Lover: We are daily complaining of the Severity of our Fate, to People who are wholly unconcerned in it; and hourly improving a Paffion, which we would perfuade the World is the Torment of our Lives. Notwithstanding this Reflexion, Sir, I cannot forbear acquainting you with my own Cafe. You must know then, Sir, that even from my Childhood, the moft prevailing Inclination I could perceive in my felf, was a ftrong Defire to be in Favour with the Fair Sex. I am at prefent in the one and twentieth Year of my Age, and fhould have made choice of a She Bed-fellow many Years fince, had not my Father who has a pretty good Eitate of his own getting, and paffes in the World for a prudent Man, been pleafed to lay it down as a Maxim, That nothing Ipoils a young Fellow's Fortune fo much as marrying early; and that no Man ought to think of Wedlock till fix and twenty. Knowing his Sentiments upon this Head, I thought it in vain to apply my felf to • Women of Condition, who expect Settlements; fo that all my Amours have hitherto been with Ladies who had no Fortunes: But I know not how to give you fo good an Idea of me, as by laying before you the Hiftory of my Life. I can very well remember, that at my Schoolmiftreffes, whenever we broke up, I was always for joining my felf with the Mifs who Lay in, and was conftantly one of the firft to make a Party in the Play of Husband and Wife. This Paffion for be ing well with the Females ftill increafed as I advanced in Years. At the Dancing-School I contracted fo many Quarrels by ftruggling with my Fellow-Scholars for the Partner I liked best, that upon a Ball-Night, before our Mothers made their Appearance, I was ufually up to the Nofe in Blood, My Father, like a difcréet Man, foon removed me from this Stage of Softnefs to a School of Difcipline, ⚫ where where I learnt Latin and Greek. I underwent feveral Severities in this Place, 'till it was thought con⚫venient to fend me to the Univerfity; though, to confefs the Truth, I fhould not have arrived fo early at that Seat of Learning, but from the Discovery of an Intrigue between me and my Mafter's Houfe-Keeper; upon whom I had employed my Rhetorick fo effectually, that, though he was a very elderly Lady, I had almoft brought her to confent to marry me. Upon my Arrival at Oxford, I found Logick fo dry, that, instead of giving Attention to the Dead, I foon fell to addreffing the Living. My firft Amour was with a pretty Girl whom I thall call Parthenope: Her Mother fold Ale by the Town-Wall. Being often caught there by the Proctor, I was forced at last, that my Miftrefs's Reputation might receive no Blemish, to confefs my Addreffes were honourable. Upon this I was immediately fent home; but Parthenope foon after marrying a Shoe-maker, I was again fuffered to return. My next Affair was with my Tailor's Daughter, who deferted me for the fake of a young Barber. Upon my complaining to one of my particular Friends of this Misfortune, the cruel Wag made a meer Jeft of my Calamity, and asked me with a Smile, Where the Needle hould turn but to the Pole? After this I was deeply in Love with a Milliner, and at last with my Bed-maker, upon which I was fent away, or, in the Univerfity Phrafe, Rufticated for ever. UPON my coming home, I fettled to my Studies fo heartily, and contracted fo great a Refervednefs by being kept from the Company I moft affected, that my Father thought he might venture me at the Temple. WITHIN a Week after my Arrival I began to fhine again, and became enamour'd with a mighty 6 pretty Creature, who had every thing but Money to recommend her. Having frequent Opportunities of uttering all the foft things which an Heart formed for Love could infpire me with, I foon gained her Confent to treat of Marriage; but unfortunately for us all, in the Abfence of my Charmer I ufually ⚫ talked talked the fame Language to her elder Sifter, who is also very pretty. Now, I affure you, Mr. SPECTATOR, this did not proceed from any real Affection I had conceived for her; but being a perfect Stranger to the Conversation of Men, and strongly addicted to affociate with the Women, I knew no ' other Language but that of Love. I fhould however be very much obliged to you, if you could free me from the Perplexity I am at prefent in. I have fent Word to my old Gentleman in the Country, that I am defperately in Love with the younger Sifter! and her Father, who knew no better, poor Marr ! acquainted him by the fame Poft, that I had for 'fome time made my Addreffes to the Elder. Upon this old Tefty fends me up Word, that he has heard fo much of my Exploits, that he intends immediately to order me to the South-Sea. Sir, I have occafionally talked fo much of dying, that I begin to think there is not much in it; and if the old Squire perfifts in his Defign, I do hereby give him Notice that I am providing my felf with proper Inftruments for the Destruction of defpairing Lovers; let him therefore look to it, and confider that by his Obftinacy he may himself lose the Son of his Strength, the • World an hopeful Lawyer, my Mistress a paffionate Lover, and you, Mr. SPECTATOR, Middle-Temple, Your conftant Admirer, Jeremy Lovemore Wednesday, |