the table, in the great point of view, and looking upon the company like Milton's Death 'Grinn'd horribly a ghastly smile.' His muscles were so drawn together on each side of his face, that he showed twenty teeth at a grin, and put the country in some pain, lest a foreigner should carry away the honour of the day; but upon a farther trial they found he was master only of the merry grin. "The next that mounted the table was a malcontent in those days, and a great master in the whole art of grinning; but particularly excelled in the angry grin. He did his part so well, that he is said to have frightened half a dozen women into hysterics; but the justice being apprised, by one who stood near him, that the fellow who grinned in his face was a Jacobite, and being unwilling that a disaffected person should win the gold ring, and be looked upon as the best grinner in the country, he ordered the oaths to be tendered unto him upon his quitting the table, which the grinner refusing, he was set aside as an unqualified person. "There were several other grotesque figures that presented themselves, which it would be too tedious to describe. I must not, however, omit a ploughman, who lived in the farther part of the country, and being very lucky in a pair of long lantern-jaws, wrung his face into such a hideous grimace, that every feature of it appeared under a different distortion. The whole company stood astonished at such a complicated grin, and were ready to assign the prize to him, had it not been proved, by one of his antagonists, that he had practised with verjuice for some days before, and had a crab found upon him at the very time of grinning; upon which the best judges of grinning declared it as their opinion that he was not to be looked upon as a fair grinner, and therefore ordered him to be set aside as a cheat. "The prize it seems at length fell upon a cobbler, Giles Gorgon by name, who produced several new grins of his own invention, having been used to cut faces for many years together over his own last. At the very first grin, he cast every human feature out of his countenance; at the second, he became the face of a spout; at the third, a baboon ; at the fourth, the head of a bass viol; at the fifth, a pair of nut-crackers. The whole assembly wondered at his accomplishments, and bestowed the ring on him unanimously; but, what he esteemed more than all the rest, a country wench, whom he had wooed in vain for above five years before, was so charmed with his grins and the applause which he received on all sides, that she married him the week following, and to this day wears the prize upon her finger, the cobbler having made use of it as his wedding-ring." This paper might perhaps seem very impertinent, if it grew serious in the conclusion. I would, nevertheless, leave to the consideration of those who are the patrons of this monstrous trial of skill, whether or no they are not guilty, in some measure of an affront to their species, in treating after this manner the "human face divine," and turning that part of us which has so great an image impressed upon it into the image of a monkey; whether the raising such silly competitions among the ignorant, proposing prizes for such useless accomplishments, filling the common people's heads with such senseless ambitions, and inspiring them with such absurd ideas of superiority and pre-eminence, has not in it something immoral as well as ridiculous. THE KING OF THE CROCODILES. ROBERT SOUTHEY. "Now, woman, why without a veil ? "Oh, I have lost my darling boy, "Oh, I have lost my darling child, "He did not venture in to swim, "Now take me in your boat, I pray, "He reigns not now in Crocodilople, "Like a dervish1 there he passes A Mahometan hermit. "The King of the Crocodiles never does wrong, He has no tail so stiff and strong, He has no tail to strike and slay, "And to the King I will complain The man replied, "No, woman, no, "Then lend me now your little boat, "The King of the Crocodiles he is good, And therefore will give me blood for blood; Being so mighty and so just, He can revenge me,―he can, and he must.” The woman she leap'd into the boat, The King of the Crocodiles there was seen ; And all around, a numerous rout, The woman shook every limb with fear She fell upon her bended knee, And said, "O King! have pity on me, "A crocodile ate him for his food: "I know that you, sire, never do wrong; "You have done well," the King replies, "Good woman, yes, you have done quite right, But you have not described me quite. "I have no tail to strike and slay, Wicked the word, and bootless the boast, "A meal of me!" the woman cried, To revenge herself then she did not fail; |