and polite arguer, for almost every third word you say is on my side of the question. But, Mrs. Malaprop, to the more important point in debate-you say you have no objection to my proposal?

Mrs. Mal. None, I assure you. I am under no positive engagement with Mr. Acres, and as Lydia is so obstinate against him, perhaps your son may have better success.

Sir Anth. Well, madam. I will write for the boy directly. He knows not a syllable of this yet, though I have for some time had the proposal in my head. He is at present with his regiment.

Mrs. Mal. We have never seen your son, Sir Anthony; but I hope no objection on his side.

Sir Anth. Objection!—let him object if he dare!-No, no, Mrs. Malaprop, Jack knows that the least demur puts me in a frenzy directly. My process was always very simplein his younger days, 'twas "Jack, do this;" -if he demurred, I knocked him down—and if he grumbled at that, I always sent him out of the room.

Mrs. Mal. Ay, and the properest way, o' my conscience!-nothing is so conciliating to young people as severity.-Well, Sir Anthony, I shall give Mr. Acres his discharge, and prepare Lydia to receive your son's invocations; and I hope you will represent her to the captain as an object not altogether illegible.

Sir Anth. Madam, I will handle the subject prudently. Well, I must leave you and let me beg you, Mrs. Malaprop, to enforce this matter roundly to the girl.-Take my advice— keep a tight hand: if she rejects this proposal, clap her under lock and key; and if you were just to let the servants forget to bring her dinner for three or four days, you can't conceive how she'd come about.

THE TWO ABSOLUTES.

THE RIVALS.-ACT II. SCENE I.

CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE on the stage.

Abs. Now for a parental lecture-I hope he has heard nothing of the business that has brought me here-I wish the gout had held him fast in Devonshire, with all my soul!

Enter SIR ANTHONY ABSOLUTE.

Sir, I am delighted to see you here; looking so well! your sudden arrival at Bath made me apprehensive for your health.

Sir Anth. Very apprehensive, I dare say, Jack. What, you are recruiting here, hey? Abs. Yes, sir, I am on duty.

Sir Anth. Well, Jack, I am glad to see you, though I did not expect it, for I was going to write to you on a little matter of business.Jack, I have been considering that I grow old and infirm, and shall probably not trouble you long.

Abs. Pardon me, sir, I never saw you look

more strong and hearty; and I pray frequently that you may continue so.

Sir Anth. I hope your prayers may be heard, with all my heart. Well then, Jack, I have been considering that I am so strong and hearty I may continue to plague you a long time. Now, Jack, I am sensible that the income of your commission, and what I have hitherto allowed you. is but a small pittance for a lad of your spirit.

Abs. Sir, you are very good.

Sir Anth. And it is my wish, while yet I live, to have my boy make some figure in the world. I have resolved, therefore, to fix you at once in a noble independence.

Abs. Sir, your kindness overpowers mesuch generosity makes the gratitule of reason more lively than the sensations even of filial affection.

Sir Anth. I am glad you are so sensible of my attention-and you shall be master of a large estate in a few weeks.

Abs. Let my future life, sir, speak my gratitude; I cannot express the sense I have of your munificence.-Yet, sir. I presume you

would not wish me to quit the army?

Sir Anth. Oh, that shall be as your wife chooses.

Abs. My wife, sir!

Sir Anth. Ay, ay, settle that between yousettle that between you.

Abs. A wife, sir, did you say?

Sir Anth. Ay, a wife-why, did not I mention her before?

Abs. Not a word of her, sir.

Sir Anth. Odd so!-I mustn't forget her, though. Yes, Jack, the independence I was talking of is by a marriage-the fortune is saddled with a wife-but I suppose that makes no difference.

Abs. Sir! sir!--you amaze me!

Sir Anth. Why, what the devil's the matter with the fool? Just now you were all gratitude and duty.

Abs. I was, sir-you talked to me of independence and a fortune, but not a word of a wife.

Sir Anth. Why-what difference does that make? Odds life, sir! if you have the estate, you must take it with the live stock on it, as it stands.

Abs. If my happiness is to be the price, I must beg leave to decline the purchase.Pray, sir, who is the lady?

Sir Anth. What's that to you, sir?-Come, give me your promise to love, and to marry her directly.

Abs. Sure, sir, this is not very reasonable, to summon my affection for a lady I know nothing of!

Sir Anth. I am sure, sir, 'tis more unreasonable in you to object to a lady you know nothing of.

Abs. Then, sir, I must tell you plainly that