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Mrs. Love. I beg your pardon for all the trouble I have given you, and I assure you, 'tis entirely owing to my being told that his visits were frequent here.
Mrs. Bell. His visits frequent here!- They have imposed upon you, I assure you-and they have told yon, perhaps, that I have robbed you of Mr. Lovemore's heart?-Scandal is always buzzing about; but, I assure you, I have not meddled with his heart--O lud! I hear a rap at the door-I positively won't be at home.
Mig. Did you call, madam?
Mig. 'Tis Lord Etheridge, ma'am,-he's coming up stairs; the servants told him you were within.
Mrs. Bell. Was ever any thing so cross? Tell him there is company with me, and he won't come in.-Mignionet run to him.
Mrs. Love. Ma'am, I beg I mayn't hinder you.
Mrs. Bell. Our conversation begins to grow interest, ing, and I would not have you go for the world. I won't see my lord.
Mrs. Love. I beg you will-don't let me prevent-
kind ?- There are books in that room, if you will be so obliging as to amuse yourself there, I shall be glad to resume this conyersation again.-He shan't stay long.
Mrs. Love. I beg you will be in no hurry-I can wait with pleasure.
Mrs. Bell. This is a lover of mine; and a husband and a lover should be treated in the same manner;perhaps it will divert you to hear how I manage him. I hear him on the stairs--for heaven's sake, make haste. Mignionet, show the way.
[Ereunt Mrs. LOVEMORE and MIGNIONET.
Mrs. Bell. Let me see how I look to receive him.
[Runs to her glass. Enter LOVEMORE, with a star and ribband, as LORD
ETHERIDGE. (Looking in her glass.] Lord Etheridge! Walk in, my lord. Love. [Repeats.] A heav'nly image in the glass appears,
To that she bends, to that her eyes she rears ;
Repairs her smiles Mrs. Bell. Repairs her smiles, my lord! I don't like your application of that phrase-Pray, my lord, are my smiles out of repair ; like an old house in the country that wants a tenant?
Love. Nay now, that's wresting the words from their visible intention. You can't suppose I thought you want repair, whatever may be the case, ma'am, with regard to the want of a tenant?
Mrs. Bell. And so you think I really want a tenant? And perhaps you imagine too, that I am going to put up a bill, Looking in her glass.] to signify to all passers by, that here is a mansion to let ?-Well, I swear, I don't think it would be a bad scheme.-I have a great mind to do so.
Love. And he who has the preference
But I'll let it to none but a single gentleman, that you may depend upon.
Love. What the devil does she mean by that! She has not got an inkling of the affair, I hope. (Aside.] None else could presume, madam, to
Mrs. Bell. And then, it must be a lease for lifeBut nobody will be troubled with it-I shall never get it off my hands. Do
lord ? Love. Why that question, madam? You know I am devoted to you, even if it were to be bought with life. Mrs. Bell. Heav'ns! what a dying swain
And does your lordship really intend to be guilty of matrimony?- Lord, what a question have I asked ?Well, to be sure, I am a very mad-cap !--My lord, don't you think me a strange mad-cap?
Love. A wildness, like yours, that arises from vivacity and sentiment together, serves only to exalt your beauty, and give new poignancy to every charm.
Mrs. Bell. Well, upon my word, you have said it finely!-But you are in the right, my lord,—I hate your pensive, melancholy beauty, that sits like a wellgrown vegetable in a room for an hour together, till at last she is animated to the violent exertion of saying yes, or no, and then enters into a matter-of-fact conversation. - Have
heard the news? Miss Beverly is going to be married to Captain Shoulderknot. My Lord Mortgage has had another tumble at Arthur's. Sir William Squanderstock has lost his election. They say short aprons are coming into fashion again.”
Love. O lord ! a matter-of-fact conversation is insupportable.
Mrs. Bell. Pray, my lord, have you ever observed the manner of one lady's accosting another at Ranelagh ?-She comes up to you with a demure look of insipid serenity,--makes you a solemn salute “ Ma’am, I am overjoyed to meet you,--you look charmingly:-But, dear ma'am, did you hear what happened to us all the other night? —We were going home from the opera, ma’am-you know my aunt Rolypoly-it was her coach-there was she, and Lady Betty Fidget-Your most obedient servantı ma’am[Courtesying to another, as it were going by.] Lady Betty, you know, is recovered-every body thought it over with her-but Doctor Snakeroot was called in—no, not Doctor Snakeroot, Doctor Bolus it was--and so he altered the course of medicine-and so my Lady Betty recovered:- -Well, there was she and Sir George Bragwell,-a pretty man, Sir George-finest teeth in
the world- -Your ladyship’s most obedient. We expected you last night, but you
did not come -he! he! -And so, there was he and the rest of us, -and so, turning the corner of Bond Street, the villain of a coachman- -How do you do, madam ?--the villain of a coachman overturned us all ;--my aunt Rolypoly was frightened out of her wits, and Lady Betty has been nervish ever since Only think of that, such accidents in life.—Ma'am, your most obedient-I am proud to see you look so well.”
Love. An exact description---the very thing-Ha! ha!
Mrs. Bell. And then, from this conversation they all run to cards,—" Quadrille has murdered wit.”
Love. Ay, and beauty too; for upon these occasions, “the passions in the features are" I have seen many
beautiful countenance change in a moment into ab. solute deformity ; the little loves and graces, that before sparkled in the eye, bloom'd in the cheek, and smild about the mouth, all fly off in an instant, and resign the features which they before adorn'd, to fear, to anger, to grief, and the whole train of fretful passions.
Mrs. Bell. Ay, and the rage we poor women are often betrayed into on these occasions
Love. Very true, ma'am; and if by chance they do bridle and hold in a little, the struggle they undergo is the most ridiculous sight imaginable.--I have seen an oath quivering upon the pale lip of a reigning toast, for half an hour together, and then at last, when the whole room burst out into one loud universal uproar"'My lord, you flung away the game-No, ma'am, it was you-Sir George, why did not you rough the diamond ?-Captain Hazard, why did not you lead through the honour?-Ma'am, it was not the playPardon me, sir- -But, ma'am-But, sirI would not play with you for straws.-Don't
know what Hoyle says? If A and B are partners against C and
D, and the game nine-all, A and B have won three tricks, and C and D four tricks, C leads his suit, D puts up the king, then returns the suit, A passes, C puts up the queen, B trùmps the next :” and so, A and B, and C and D, are banged about, and all is jargon, confusion, uproar, and wrangling, and nonsense, and noise.—Ha ! ha!
Mrs. Bell. Ha! ha! A fine picture of a rout;-but one must play sometimes we must let our friends pick our pocket's sometimes, or they'll drop our acquaint
-Pray, my lord, do you never play? Love. Play, ma'am!—I must lie to the end of the chapter—[ Aside.) play! now and then, out of necessity; -otherwise, I never touch a card. Mrs. Bell. Oh! very true, you
dedicate the muses; a downright rhyming peer.—Do you know, my lord, that I am charmed with your song?
Love. Are you?
Mrs. Bell. I am indeed. I think you'd make a very tolerable Vauxhall poet.
Looe. You flatter me, ma'am.
Mrs. Bell. No, as I live and breathe, I don't ;- and do you know, that I can sing it already ? -Come, you shall hear me,-you shall hear it.
your time to
Attend all ye fair, and I'll tell ye the art,
To bind every fancy with ease in your chains, To hold in soft fetters the conjugal heart,
And banish from Hymen his doubts and his pains. When Juno accepted the cestus of love,
At first she was handsome ; she charming became ; With skill the soft passions it taught her to move,
To kindle at once, and to keep up the flame. 'Tis this gives the eyes all their magic and fire;
The voice melting accents; impassions the kiss ; Confers the sweet smiles, that awaken desire,
And plants round the fair, each incentive to bliss.