Faulk. There, Jack, you see she has the advantage of me; I had almost fretted myself ill. Capt. Abs. Now are you angry with your mistress for not having been sick. Faulk. No, no, you misunderstand me :-yet surely a little trifling indisposition is not an unnatural consequence of absence from those we love.-Now confessisn't there something unkind in this violent, robust, unfeeling health ? in Capt. Abs. Oh, it was very unkind of her to be well your absence to be sure ! Acres. Good apartments, Jack., Faulk. Well, sir, but you was saying that Miss Melville has been so exceedingly well-what then she has been merry and gay I suppose?-always in spirits, hey? Acres. Merry, odds crickets! she has been the bell and spirit of the company, wherever she has been-so lively and entertaining! so full of wit and humour! Faulk. By my soul! there is an innate levity in woman, that nothing can overcome.-What! happy, and I away! Capt. Abs. Just now you were only apprehensive for your mistress's spirits. Faulk. Why, Jack, have I been the joy and spirit of the company? Capt. Abs. No, indeed, you have not. Faulk. Have I been lively and entertaining? Capt. Abs. Oh, upon my word, I acquit you. Faulk. Have I been full of wit and humour? Capt. Abs. No, 'faith, to do you justice, you have been confoundedly stupid, indeed. Acres. What's the matter with the gentleman ? Cupt. Abs. He is only expressing his great satisfaction at hearing that Julia has been so well and happythat's all-hey, Faulkland? Faulk. Yes, yes, she has a happy disposition! Acres. That she has, indeed-then she is so accomplished-so sweet a voice-so expert at her harpsichord -such a mistress of flat and sharp, squallante, rumblante, and quiverante !-there was this time monthodds minnums and crotchets! how she did chirup at Mrs. Piano's concert! Faulk. Fool! fool that I am! to fix all my happiness on such a trifler! 'Sdeath! to make herself the pipe and ballad-monger of a circle! to sooth her light heart with catches and glees!-What can you say to this, sir? Capt. Abs. Why, that I should be glad to hear my mistress had been so merry, sir. Faulk. Nay, nay, nay-I'm not sorry that she has been happy-no, no, I am glad of that-I would not have had her sad or sick-but she has been dancing too, I doubt not? Acres. What does the gentleman say about dancing? Capt. Abs. He says the lady we speak of, dances as well as she sings. Acres. Ay truly, does she-there was at our last race ball Faulk. Hell and the devil! There! there-I told you so! I told you so! oh! she thrives in my absence !dancing! but her whole feelings have been in opposition with mine;-I have been anxious, silent, pensive, sedentary-my days have been hours of care, my nights of watchfulness.-She has been all health! spirit! laugh! song! dance!-oh! d-ned, d-ned levity! Capt. Abs. For heaven's sake! Faulkland, don't expose yourself so.-Suppose she has danced, what then? does not the ceremony of society often oblige Faulk. Well, well, I'll contain myself-perhaps, as you say for form sake.-What, Mr. Acres, you were praising Miss Melville's manner of dancing a minuet— hey? Acres. Oh, I dare insure her for that-but what I was going to speak of, was her country dancing:-odds swimmings! she has such an air with her!— Faulk. Now disappointment on her!-defend this, Absolute, why don't you defend this?-country dances! jigs, and reels! am I to blame now? a minuet I could have forgiven-I should not have minded that-I say, I should not have regarded a minuet-but country dances! Z- -ds! had she made one in a cotillion-I believe I could have forgiven even that—but to be monkey led for a night!-to run the gauntlet through a string of amorous palming puppies!—to show paces, like a managed filly!—Oh, Jack, there never can be but one man in the world, whom a truly modest and delicate woman ought to pair with in a country dance; and even then, the rest of the couples should be her great uncles and aunts! Capt. Abs. Ay, to be sure! grandfathers and grand mothers! Faulk. If there be but one vicious mind in the set, it will spread like a contagion-the action of their pulse beats to the lascivious movement of the jig-their quivering, warm breathed sighs impregnate the airthe atmosphere becomes electrical to love, and each amorous spark darts through every link of the chain !– I must leave you-I own I am somewhat flurried-and that confounded looby has perceived it. [Going. Capt. Abs. Nay, but stay, Faulkland, and thank Mr. Acres for his good news. Faulk. D-n his news! [Exit. Capt. Abs. Ha! ha! ha! poor Faulkland! five minutes since" nothing on earth could give him a moment's uneasiness!" Acres. The gentleman wasn't angry at my praising his mistress, was he? Capt. Abs. A little jealous, I believe, Bob. Acres. You don't say so? Ha! ha! jealous of me! that's a good joke! of Capt. Abs. There's nothing strange in that, Bob; let me tell you, that sprightly grace and insinuating manner yours will do some mischief among the girls here. Acres. Ah! you joke-ha! ha! mischief-ha! ha! but you know I am not my own property, my dear Lydia has forestalled me.-She could never abide me in the country, because I used to dress so badly-but odds frogs and tambours! I shan't take matters so here— now ancient madam has no voice in it-I'll make my old clothes know who's master-I shall straightway cashier the hunting frock-and render my leather breeches incapable My hair has been in training some time. Capt. Abs. Indeed! Acres. Ay-and thoff the side curls are a little restive, my hind part takes it very kindly. Capt. Abs. Oh, you'll polish, I doubt not. Acres. Absolutely I propose so-then if I can find out this Ensign Beverley, odds triggers and flints! I'll make him know the difference o't. Capt. Abs. Spoke like a man-but pray, Bob, I observe you have got an odd kind of a new method of swearing Acres. Ha ha! you've taken notice of it-'tis genteel, isn't it? I didn't invent it myself, though; but a commander in our militia-a great scholar, I assure you— says that there is no meaning in the common oaths, and that nothing but their antiquity makes them respectable;-because, he says, the ancients would never stick to an oath or two, but would say, by Jove! or by Bacchus or by Mars! or by Venus! or by Pallas! according to the sentiment-so that to swear with propriety, says my little Major, the "oath should be an echo to the sense ;" and this we call the oath referential, or sentimental swearing-ha! ha! ha! 'tis genteel; isn't it? Capt. Abs. Very genteel, and very new indeed-and I dare say will supplant all other figures of imprecation. Acres. Ay, ay, the best terms will grow obsoleteD-ns have had their day. Enter FAG. Fag. Sir, there is a gentleman below, desires to see you-Shall I show him into the parlour? Capt. Abs. Ay-you may. Acres. Well, I must begone- Capt. Abs. You puppy, why didn't you show him up directly? [Exit FAG. Acres. You have business with Sir Anthony.-I expect a message from Mrs. Malaprop, at my lodgings. I have sent also to my dear friend, Sir Lucius O'Trigger. -Adieu, Jack, we must meet at night, when you shall give me a dozen bumpers to little Lydia. Capt. Abs. That I will, with all my heart. [Exit ACRES.] Now for a parental lecture-I hope he has heard nothing of the business that has brought me here -I wish the gout had held him fast in Devonshire, with my soul! all Enter SIR ANTHONY. Sir, I am delighted to see you here; and looking so well!-your sudden arrival at Bath made me apprehensive for your health. Sir Anth. Very apprehensive, I dare say, JackWhat, you are recruiting here, hey? Capt. Abs. Yes, sir, I am on duty. Sir Anth. Well, Jack, I am glad to see you, though I did not expect it; for I was going to write to you on a little matter of business.—Jack; I have been considering that I grow old and infirm, and shall probably not trouble you long. Capt. Abs. Pardon me, sir, I never saw you look more strong and hearty, and I pray frequently that you may continue so. VOL. II. |