Lucy. For shame now; here is some one coming.
Sir L. O 'faith I'll quiet your conscience!

[Sees FAG.-Exit, humming a tune.

Enter FAG.

Fag. So, so, ma'am. I humbly beg pardon. Lucy. O lud!-now, Mr. Fag-you flurry one so! Fug. Come, come, Lucy, here's no one by-so a little less simplicity, with a grain or two more sincerity, if you please You play false with us, madam-I saw you give the baronet a letter.-My master shall know this -and if he don't call him out-I will.

Lucy. Ha! ha! ha! you gentlemen's gentlemen are so hasty!-That letter was from Mrs. Malaprop, simpleton. She is taken with Sir Lucius's address.

Fag. How! what tastes some people have! Why, I suppose I have walked by her window a hundred times. But what says our young lady?-Any message to my master?

Lucy. Sad news, Mr. Fag! A worse rival than Acres ! Sir Anthony Absolute has proposed his son. Fag. What, Captain Absolute ?

Lucy. Even so. I overheard it all.

Fag. Ha ha! ha! very good, 'faith! Good b'ye, Lucy, I must away with this news.

Lucy. Well, you may laugh, but it is true, I assure you. [Going.] But, Mr. Fag, tell your master not to be cast down by this.

Fag. Oh, he'll be so disconsolate!

Lucy. And charge him not to think of quarrelling

with young Absolute.

Fag. Never fear-never fear.

Lucy. Be sure bid him keep up his spirits.

Fag. We will-we will.

[Exeunt severally,

ACT III.

Scene I.-The North Parade.

Enter CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.

Capt. Abs. 'Tis just as Fag told me, indeed !-Whimsical enough, 'faith! My father wants to force me to marry the very girl I am plotting to run away with! He must not know of my connection with her yet awhile. He has too summary a method of proceeding in these matters, however I'll read my recantation instantly. My conversion is something sudden, indeed; but I can assure him, it is very sincere-So, so, here he comes -he looks plaguy gruff!

Enter SIR ANTHONY ABSOlute.

[Steps aside.

At

Sir Anth. No-I'll die sooner than forgive him! Die, did I say? I'll live these fifty years to plague him. our last meeting his impudence had almost put me out of temper-An obstinate, passionate, self-willed boy! Who can he take after? This is my return for getting him before all his brothers and sisters! for putting him, at twelve years old, into a marching regiment, and allowing him fifty pounds a-year, besides his pay, ever since! But I have done with him-he's any body's son for me-I never will see him more-never-never

never-never.

Capt. Abs. Now for a penitential face!
Sir Anth. Fellow, get out of my way!

Capt. Abs. Sir, you see a penitent before you. Sir Anth. I see an impudent scoundrel before me. Capt. Abs. A sincere penitent. I am come, sir, to acknowledge my error, and to submit entirely to your will.

Sir Anth. What's that?

Capt. Abs. I have been revolving, and reflecting, and considering on your past goodness, and kindness, and condescension to me.

Sir Anth. Well, sir?

Capt. Abs. I have been likewise weighing and balancing, what you were pleased to mention, concerning duty, and obedience, and authority.

Sir Anth. Well, puppy?

Capt. Abs. Why, then, sir, the result of my reflections is, a resolution to sacrifice every inclination of my own to your satisfaction.

Sir Anth. Why, now you talk sense, absolute sense; I never heard any thing more sensible in my life. Confound you! you shall be Jack again.

Capt. Abs. I am happy in the appellation.

Sir Anth. Why, then, Jack, my dear Jack, I will now inform you who the lady really is. Nothing but your passion and violence, you silly fellow, prevented my telling you at first. Prepare, Jack, for wonder and rapture-prepare. What think you of Miss Lydia Languish ?

Capt. Abs. Languish? What, the Languishes of Worcestershire?

Sir Anth. Worcestershire! no. Did you never meet Mrs. Malaprop, and her niece, Miss Languish, who came into our country just before you were last ordered to your regiment?

Capt. Abs. Malaprop! Languish! I don't remember ever to have heard the names before. Yet, stay, I think I do recollect something-Languish-Languish

She squints, don't she?-A little red-haired girl? Sir Anth. Squints!-A red-haired girl! Z-ds! no! Capt. Abs. Then I must have forgot; it can't be the same person.

Sir Anth. Jack! Jack! what think you of blooming, love-breathing seventeen?

Capt. Abs. As to that, sir, I am quite indifferent; if I can please you in the matter, 'tis all I desire.

Sir Anth. Nay, but Jack, such eyes! such eyes! so innocently wild! so bashfully irresolute! Not a glance but speaks and kindles some thought of love! Then, Jack, her cheeks! her cheeks, Jack! so deeply blushing at the insinuations of her tell-tale eyes! Then, Jack, her lips! O Jack, lips smiling at their own discretion! and, if not smiling, more sweetly pouting-more lovely in sullenness! Then, Jack, her neck! O Jack! Jack! Capt. Abs. And which is to be mine, sir, the niece, or the aunt?

Sir Anth. Why, you unfeeling, insensible puppy, I despise you. When I was of your age such a description would have made me fly like a rocket! The aunt, indeed! Odds life! when I ran away with your mother, I would not have touched any thing old, or ugly, to gain an empire.

Capt. Abs. Not to please your father, sir?

Sir Anth. To please my father-Z-ds! not to please-O, my father-Oddso!-yes, yes; if my father, indeed, had desired-that's quite another matterThough he wasn't the indulgent father that I am, Jack. Capt. Abs. I dare say not, sir.

Sir Anth. But, Jack, you are not sorry to find your mistress is so beautiful?

Capt. Abs. Sir, I repeat it, if I please you in this affair, 'tis all I desire. Not that I think a woman the worse for being handsome; but, sir, if you please to recollect, you before hinted something about a hump or two, one eye, and a few more graces of that kind—now, without being very nice, I own I should rather choose a wife of mine to have the usual number of limbs, and a limited quantity of back: and, though one eye may very agreeable, yet, as the prejudice has always run in favour of two, I would not wish to affect a singularity in that article.

be

Sir Anth. What a phlegmatic sot it is! Why, sirrah, you are an anchorite! A vile, insensible stock! You a soldier! you're a walking block, fit only to dust the company's regimentals on! Odds life, I've a great mind to marry the girl myself!

Capt. Abs. I am entirely at your disposal, sir; if you should think of addressing Miss Languish yourself, I suppose you would have me marry the aunt; or, if you should change your mind, and take the old lady,-'tis the same to me, I'll marry the niece.

Sir Anth. Upon my word, Jack, thou'rt either a very great hypocrite, or-but, come, I know your indifference on such a subject must be all a lie, I'm sure it must —come, now, d-n your demure face! come, confess, Jack, you have been lying-han't you? You have been playing the hypocrite, hey?—I'll never forgive you, if you han't been lying, and playing the hypocrite.

Capt. Abs. I'm sorry, sir, that the respect and duty, which I bear to you, should be so mistaken.

Sir Anth. Hang your respect and duty! But, come along with me, I'll write a note to Mrs. Malaprop, and you shall visit the lady directly. Her eyes shall be the Promethian torch to you-come along, I'll never forgive you, if you don't come back stark mad with rapture and impatience if you don't, 'egad, I'll marry the girl myself! [Exeunt.

Scene II-Julia's Dressing Room.

FAULKLAND.

Faulk. They told me Julia would return directly; I wonder she is not yet come!-How mean does this captious, unsatisfied, temper of mine appear to my cooler judgment! What tender, honest joy, sparkled in her eyes when we met! How delicate was the warmth of her expressions!-I was ashamed to appear less