your permitting me to be present this morning at the rehearsal of your new trage Puff. Hush, for Heaven's sake-My tragedy!Egad, Dangle, I take this very ill; you know how apprehensive I am of being known to be the author. Dan. 'Efaith, I would not have told; but it's in the papers, and your name at length-in the Morning Chronicle. Puff. To be sure it will-but what the plague a play is not to show occurrences that happen every day, but things just so strange, that though they never did, they might happen. Sneer. Certainly, nothing is unnatural, that is not physically impossible. Puff. Ah! those damn'd editors never can keep Puff. Very true-and for that matter, Don Fea secret! Well, Mr. Sneer-no doubt you will do rolo Whiskerandos-for that's the lover's nameme great honour—I shall be infinitely happy-might have been over here in the train of the Spahighly flattered. Dan. I believe it must be near the time-shall we go together? egad! she is in love like any princess! Dan. Poor young lady! I feel for her already! Puff. O amazing!-her poor susceptible heart is swayed to and fro, by contending passions, like— nish ambassador; or Tilburina, for that is the lady's name, might have been in love with him, from having heard his character, or seen his picPuff. No; it will not be yet this hour, for they ture; or from knowing that he was the last man aro always late at that theatre: besides, I must in the world she ought to be in love with, or for meet you there, for I have some little matters to any other good female reason. However, sir, the send to the papers, and a few paragraphs to scrib-fact is, that though she is but a knight's daughter, ble before I go. [ Looking at memorandums.] Here is 'a Conscientious Baker, on the subject of the Army Bread,' and a Detester of visible Brick-work, in favour of the new-invented Stucco;' both in the style of Junius, and promised for to-morrow.-Here is an invention for the running our mailcoaches by steam, and lighting them by gas.-I have also a very ingenious design for a self-acting air-pump, to be fixed in the confined streets, which is to supersede the necessity of country excursions for the benefit of the health. Here are likewise many other valuable memorandums, most of which I have no doubt but I shall render equally practicable, and of the greatest importance to the nation. So, egad, I have not a moment to lose. ACT II. SCENE I.-The Theatre. is Enter Under Prompter. Under P. Sir, the scene is set, and everything ready to begin, if you please. Puff. Egad, then we'll lose no time. Under P. Though I believe, sir, you will find it very short, for all the performers have profited by the kind permission you granted them. Puff. Hey! what! Under P. You know, sir, you gave them leave to cut out or omit whatever they found heavy or unnecessary to the plot, and I must own they have taken very liberal advantage of your indulgence. [Exit. Puff. Well, well. They are in general very good judges, and I know I am luxuriant. Gentlemen, be seated. [SNEER and DANGLE sit.] Now Mr. Wodarch [To Leader of the Band], please to play a few bars of something soft, just to prepare the au Enter DANGLE, PUFF, and SNEER, as before the dience for the curtain's rising. Puff. No, no, sir; what Shakspeare says of actors may be better applied to the purpose of plays; they ought to be the abstract and brief chronicles of the times. Therefore when history, and particularly the history of our own country, furnishes anything like a case in point, to the time in which an author writes, if he knows his own interest, he will take advantage of it; so, sir, I call my tragedy the Spanish Armada; and have laid the scene before Tilbury Fort. Sneer. A most happy thought, certainly! Dan. Egad, it was; I told you so. But pray, now, I don't understand how you have contrived to introduce any love into it. Puff. Love!-Oh, nothing so easy for it is a received point among poets, that, where history gives you a good heroic outline for a play, you may fill up with a little love at your own discretion: in doing which, nine times out of ten, you only anake up a deficiency in the private history of the times. Now I rather think I have done this with some success. Sneer. No scandal about Queen Elizabeth, I hope? Puff. O lud! no, no. I only suppose the governor of Tilbury Fort's daughter to be in love with the son of the Spanish admiral. [The Band strike Bobbing Joan,' very forte. Puff. [Having stopped them with much difficulty.] Now, really, gentlemen, this is unkind. I ask you to play a soothing air, and you strike up Bobbing Joan. [To SNEER, &c.] These gentlemen will have their joke at rehearsal, you see. [To Orchestra.] Come, gentlemen, oblige me. [The Band play a few bars of soft music.] Aye, that's right,-for we have the scenes, and dresses; egad, we'll go to it, as if it was the first night's performance; but you need not mind stopping between the acts. Soh! stand clear, gentlemen. Now you know there will Then up curtain, and let us see what our painters be a cry of down!-down!-hats off!-silence! have done for us. SCENE II.-The Curtain rises, and discovers Til- Dan. Tilbury Fort !-very fine, indeed! Sneer. A clock ! Puff. Hark! [Clock strikes four.] I open with a clock striking, to beget an awful attention in the audience-it also marks the time, which is four lo'clock in the morning, and saves a description of the rising sun, and a great deal about gilding the Dan. But, pray, are the sentinels to be asleep Sneer. Is'nt that odd though, at such an alarming crisis? Sir C. [Imitates his manner.] I cannot but sur mise. Forgive, my friend, If the conjecture's rash--I cannot but 'Surmise-the state some danger apprehends!” Sneer. A very cautious conjecture that. Puff. Yes, that's his character; not to give an opinion, but on secure grounds.--Now then. Sir W. O, most accomplished Christopher.' Puff. Keep up the Christopher! O most accomplished Christopher.' He calls him by his Christian name, to show that they are on the most Puff. To be sure it is.-but smaller things must give way to a striking scene at the opening; that's a rule. And the case is, that two great men are coming to this very spot to begin the piece; now, it is not to be supposed they would open their lips, if these fellows were watching them; so, egad, 1¦familiar terms. must either have them sent off their posts, or set them asleep. Sneer. O, that accounts for it!-But tell us, who are these coming?— Puff. These? They are-Sir Walter Raleigh and Sir Christopher Hatton. You'll know Sir Christopher, by his turning out his toes,-famous, you know, for his dancing. I like to preserve all the little traits of character. Now attend. Sir W. O, most accomplished Christopher, I find Thy fears are just. Sir C. But where, whence, when, what, which, The danger is-methinks, I fain would learn. Puff. [Stopping him.] Suit the word to the action, and the action to the word. Enter Sir CHRISTOPHER HATTON and Sir WALTER You know, my friend, scarce RALEIGH. Sir C. True, gallant Raleigh!' Dan. What, bad they been talking before? Puff. O yes; all the way as they came along. I beg pardon, gentlemen [To the Actors], but these are particular friends of mine. Mr. Sneer and Mr. Dangle, Mr. Keeley and Mr. Meadows, both very promising gentlemen in their profession, I assure you. [The Actors take off their hats, and bow very low.] I know it's against the rule to introduce strangers at a rehearsal, but as they are particular friends of mine, I thought you would excuse. Don't mind interrupting these fellows whenever anything strikes you. [To SNEER and DANGLE. Sir C. True, gallant Raleigh! But O, thou champion of thy country's fame, • This general muster? and this throng of chiefs?' Puff. What, before the play began? How the plague could he? Dan. That's true, 'efaith! Puff. But you will hear what he thinks of the matter. Sir C. Alas, my noble friend, when I behold' Puff. [Interrupts him.] My good friend, you entirely forget what I told you the last rehearsal,that there was a particular trait in Sir Christopher's character that he was famous, in Queen Eliza. beth's time, for his dancing-pray, turn your toes out. [With his foot, he pushes Sir C.'s feet out, until they are nearly square.] That will do-now, sir, proceed. Sir C. Alas, my noble friend, when I behold Yon tented plains in martial symmetry · Array'd-when I count o'er yon glittering lines ⚫ Of crested warriors When briefly all I hear or see bears stamp • Of martial preparation, and stern defence, I cannot but surmise-Forgive, my friend, • If the conjecture's rash ' suns.' two revolving [Passes his hands one over the other, with a circular motion.] Sir W. [Using the same action.] You know, my friend, scarce two revolving suns, And three revolving moons,' Puff. No, no send your moons the other way, or you'll bring about an eclipse ! [Repeats the same lines again the second time, turning his hands the contrary way.] Sir W. [Using PUFF's action. You know, my friend, scarce two revolving suns, And three revolving moons, have closed their Dan. Mr. Puff, as he knows all this, why does Sir Walter go on telling him? Puff. But the audience are not supposed to know anything of the matter, are they? Sneer. True, but I think you manage ill: for there certainly appears no reason why Sir Walter should be so communicative. Puff. Foregad now, that is one of the most un Puff. [Interrupting.] A little more freedom,-grateful observations I ever heard; for the less inif you please. Remember that Sir Christopher and Sir Walter were on the most familiar footing Now, as thus[Quotes the line flippantly ducement he has to tell all this, the more I think you ought to be obliged to him; for, I am sure, you'd know nothing of the matter without it .2 .טא Dan. That's very true, upon my word. more Am in amazement lost!' Puff. Here, now you see, Sir Christopher did Puff. O yes, where they do agree on the stage their unanimity is wonderful. Lei. Then, let's embrace,-[They embrace.]-- Sneer. What the plague, is he going to pray? not in fact ask any one question for his own infor-nothing like a prayer! mation. Sneer. No, indeed: his has been a most disinterested curiosity! Dan. Really, I find, we are very much obliged to them both. Puff. To be sure you are. Now then for the commander-in-chief, the Earl of Leicester! who, you know, was no favourite but of the Queen's. We left off in amazement lost! '— Sir C. Am in amazement lost. But see where noble Leicester comes! supreme In honours and command.' Sneer. But who are these with him? Puff. O very valiant knights; one is the governor of the fort, the other the master of the horse. Lei. Omighty Mars'' Puff. Stop, my dear sir. You do not expect to find Mars there. No, sir, whenever you address the gods, always look into the upper gal lery. Lei. [Looking up to the gallery.] O mighty Dan. But why should he pray to Mars? Lei. O mighty Mars, if in thy homage bred, Puff. Keep up the Major-general [Repeats the have ris'n!' Tip them the Major-general, pray. Lei. [After PUFF's manner.] To the rank of Major-general And now, I think you shall hear some better lan-line with force.] To the rank of Major-general guage I was obliged to be plain and intelligible in the first scene, because there was so much matter of fact in it; but now, efaith, you have trope, figure, and metaphor, as plenty as noun-substantives. Hath fill'd the swelling canvass of our souls! nius!' Lei. [With Purr's manner.] There spoke Old Then, are we all resolv'd? Lei. To conquer-or be free. All. To conquer-or be free. Lei All? • All All.' Dan. Nem. con. egad! Have ris'n; assist thy votary now! Gov. [Kneels.] Yet do not rise-hear me ! Sir W. [Kneels.] And me! Sir C. [Kneels.] And me!' Puff. [Kneels.] And me! Now, mind your hits ; pray altogther. All. Behold thy votaries submissive beg, That thou wilt deign to grant them all they ask;' Puff. No, no, gentlemen, the emphasis is upon the word all. Thus : Sneer. Not exactly. Lei. [To PUFF.] But, sir, you haven't settled how we are to get off here. Puff. You could not go off kneeling, could you? Lei. O no, sir, impossible! Puff. It would have a good effect, efaith, if you could!" exeunt praying!" Yes, and would vary the established mode of springing off with a glance at the pit. Sneer. O never mind, so as you get them off, I'll answer for it, the audience won't care how. Puff. Well, then, repeat the last line standing, and go off the old way. All. And sanctify whatever means we use to Dan. Bravo! a fine exit. The Sentinels get up. 1st Sen. All this shall to Lord Burleigh's ear. 2d Sen. 'Tis meet it should.' [Exeunt Sentinels. Dan. Hey!-why, I thought those fellows had been asleep? Puff. Only a pretence; there's the art of it; they were spies of Lord Burleigh's. But take care, my dear Dangle, the morning gun is going to fire. Dan. Well, that will have a fine effect. Puff. I think so, and helps to realize the scene. [Cannon, three times from battery.] What the plague!-three morning guns!-there never is but one! Aye, this is always the way at the theatre-give these fellows a good thing, and they never know when to have done with it. You have no more cannon to fire? Promp. [From within.] No, sir. Puff. It shows that Tilburina is coming; nothing introduces you a heroine like soft music.— Here she comes. Dan. And her confidant, I suppose ? Puff. To be sure: here they are-inconsolable -to the minuet in Ariadne ! [Soft music in Orchestra. Enter TILBURINA and Confidant. Til. Now flowers unfold their beauties to the sun, And blushing, kiss the beam he sends to wake them. -and all The strip'd carnation, and the guarded rose, But O to me, no joy can they afford! Puff. O yes, madam-at the finches of the grove,' if you please. • Til. Nor lark, Til. Indeed, sir, you'll find they will not be miss'd. Puff. Very well.-Very well! Til. The cue, ma'am, if you please. Con. It is not meet that he should find you thus. • Til. Thou counsel'st right, but 'tis no easy task For barefac'd grief to wear a mask of joy. Enter Governor. Gov. How's this-in tears?-O-' Puff. There's a round O! for you. Sneer. A capital O! Gov. Tilburina, shame! Is this a time for maudling tenderness, And Cupid's baby woes ?-hast thou not heard That haughty Spain's Pope-consecrated fleet Advances to our shores, while England's fate, 'Like a clipp'd guinea, trembles in the scale! Til.[Seizing Governor's hand.] Then, is the crisis of my fate at hand! I see the fleet's approach-I see-' Puff. Now, pray, gentlemen, mind. This is one of the most useful figures we tragedy-writers have, by which a hero or heroine, in consideration of their being often obliged to overlook things that are on the stage, is allowed to hear and see a number of things that are not. Sneer. Yes; a kind of poetical second-sight! Puff. Yes.-Now then, madam. Til. -I see their decks 'Are clear'd!-I see the signal made! The line is form'd!-a cable's-length asunder! I see the frigates station'd in the rear; 'And now, I hear the thunder of the guns! I hear the victor's shouts-I also hear Linnet, nor all the finches of the grove!' [Weeps. his character. Dan. Vastly well, indeed! Til. For, O too sure, heart-rending woe is now The lot of wretched Tilburina!' Dan. O! 'tis too much. Sneer. Oh!—it is, indeed. Con. Be comforted, sweet lady-for who knows, But Heav'n has yet some milk-white day in store. Til. Alas, my youthful-gentle Nora, Thy tender youth as yet hath never mourn'd 'Love's fatal dart. Con. But see where your stern father comes; It is not meet that he should find you thus.' Puff. Hey, what the plague! what a cut is here! -why, what is become of the description of her first meeting with Don Whiskerandos? his gallant behaviour in the sea-fight, and the simile of the canary-bird? Til. But will you then refuse his offer? Sneer. All who asks, Mr. Puff? Who is-he? such cutting and slashing, I don't know where they Til. Indeed, sir, you will find it connect very well. Til. A retreat in Spain ! Gov. Outlawry here! Til. Your daughter's prayer! Gov. Your father's oath! Til. My lover! Gov. My country! Til. Tilburina! • Gov. England! Gov. No more; I would not hear thee plead in Here! vain; The father softens-but the governor Is resolv'd!' [Exit. Puff. My dear sir, give that a little more force, if you please but the governor's resolv'd !' Gov. [Imitating Purr's manner.] The father softens-but the governor • Is resolv'd! [Exit quickly. Til. 'Tis well,-hence then, fond hopes,-fond passion, hence; Duty, behold I am all over thine Whis. [Without.] Where is my love-my-be hind!' Puff. My what!-What's that, Mr. Penson? Enter WHISKERANDOS. Have the goodness to let me hear that line again? For ever! Aye, for ever.' Whis. [With arms extended.] For ever! Oh! [They rush into each other's arms, then reluc- Con. But pray, sir, how am I to get off here? Puff. You, pshaw! what the devil signifies how you get off! [Pushes the Confidant off. [Drop-scene lowers; SNEER and DANGLE rise.] Dan. O, charming! Puff. Hey!-'tis pretty well, I believe.-You see, I don't attempt to strike out anything newbut I take it I improve on the established modes. Enter Under Prompter. Whis, Where is my love-my behind?' Puff. No, no, sir." Where is my love-my-you can go to the Park scene yet. behind the scenes"-spoken behind the scenes. Whis. Oh, I beg pardon, sir, but I assure you it is written so in my part. Under P. Sir, the carpenter says it is impossible Enter WHISKERANDOS. [Exit. Til. O no; how little dost thou know thy Til-Why, here has been such lopping and topping, I shan't have the bare trunk of my play left presently. -Very well, sir-the performers must do as they please; but, upon my soul, I'll print it every word. Sneer. That I would, indeed. Puff. Very well-sir-then we must go on. [Exit Under Prompter.] Well, now, if the scene is ready-we'll go on. Though here I call yon conscious clouds to wit-So, ness, Could I pursue the bias of my soul, All friends, all rights of parents, I'd disclaim, And thou, my Whiskerandos, should'st be father And friend to me! Whis. O matchless excellence !-And must we Well, if-we must-we must-and in that case Puff. Hey-dy!-here's a cut!-What! are all the mutual protestations out? Til. Now, pray, sir, don't interrupt us just here; ruin our feelings. [The drop-scene rises, and discovers a wood scene. A carpet spread on the stage, and a chair in the centre.] now for my mysterious yeoman. Enter a Beefeater. Beef. Perdition catch my soul, but I do love thee!' Sneer. Haven't I heard that line before? Puff. Gad! now you put me in mind on't, I be lieve there is-but that's of no consequence-al that can be said is, that two people happened to hit on the same thought-and Shakspeare mada use of it first, that's all. |