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Mrs. M. Those are vile places, indeed!

Sir Anth. Madam, a circulating library in a town is, as an evergreen tree of diabolical knowledge! It blossoms through the year! And, depend on it, Mrs. Malaprop, that they who are so fond of handling the leaves, will long for the fruit at last. Mrs. M. Fie, fie, Sir Anthony; you surely speak laconically.

now,

is such a simpleton, I should have made her confess
it. Lucy! Lucy! [Calls.] Had she been one of
your artificial ones, I should never have trusted
her.
Enter Lucy.

Lucy. Did you call, ma'am?

Mrs. M. Yes, girl. Did you see Sir Lucius while you was out?

Lucy. No, indeed, ma'am, not a glimpse of him. Mrs. M. You are sure, Lucy, that you never mentioned

Lucy. O gemini! I'd sooner cut my tongue out! Mrs. M. Well, don't let your simplicity be imposed on.

Lucy. No, ma'am.

Mrs. M. So, come to me presently, and I'll give you another letter to Sir Lucius-but mind, with (unless it be other people's secrets to me), Lucy, if ever you betray what you are intrusted you forfeit my malevolence for ever; and your being a simpleton shall be no excuse for your locality. [Exit.

Sir Anth. Why, Mrs. Malaprop, in moderation, what would you have a woman know? Mrs. M. Observe me, Sir Anthony-I would by no means wish a daughter of mine to be a progeny of learning; I don't think so much learning becomes a young woman:-for instance-I would. never let her meddle with Greek, or Hebrew, or algebra, or simony, or fluxions, or paradoxes, or such inflammatory branches of learning; nor will it be necessary for her to handle any of your mathematical, astronomical, diabolical instruments; but, Sir Anthony, I would send her, at nine years old, to a boarding school, in order to learn a little ingenuity and artifice. Then, sir, she should have a supercilious knowledge in accounts; and, as she grew up, I would have her instructed in geometry, Lucy. Ha! ha! ha! So, my dear simplicity, let that she might know something of the contagious me give you a little respite: [Altering her maaner] countries: above all, she should be taught ortho-let girls in my station be as fond as they please doxy. This, Sir Anthony, is what I would have a mend me to a mask of silliness, and a pair of sharp of being expert and knowing in their trust, comwoman know; and I don't think there is a super-eyes for my own interest under it!-Let me see to what account have I turned my simplicity lately: Looks at a paper] "For abetting Miss Lydia Languish in a design of running away with an ensign! in money, sundry times, twelve pound twelve

stitious article in it.

Sir Anth. Well, well, Mrs. Malaprop. I will dispute the point no further with you: though I must confess, that you are a truly moderate and polite arguer, for almost every third word you say is on my side of the question. But, to the more important point in debate-you say you have no objection to my proposal?

Mrs. M. None, I assure you. I am under no positive engagement with Mr. Acres; and as Lydia is so obstinate against him, perhaps your son may

have better success.

gowns, five; hats, ruffles, caps, &c. &c. numberless. From the said ensign, within this last month, six guineas and a half. Item, from Mrs. Malaprop, for betraying the young people to her" covered two guineas and a French shawl. Item, -when I found matters were likely to be disfrom Mr. Acres, for carrying divers letters"of buckles. Item, from Sir Lucius O'Trigger, which I never delivered-"two guineas and a pair three crowns, two gold pocket pieces, and a silver snuff-box!"-Well done, simplicity! yet I was

Sir Anth. Well, madam, I will write for the boy directly. He knows not a syllable of this yet, though I have for some time had the proposal in my head. He is at present with his regiment. Mrs. M. We have never seen your son, Sir forced to make my Hibernian believe, that he was Anthony, but I hope no objection on his side. corresponding, not with the aunt, but with the Sir Anth. Objection!-Let him object if he niece; for, though not over rich, I found he had dare!-No, no, Mrs. Malaprop; Jack knows, that too much pride and delicacy to sacrifice the feelthe least demur puts me in a frenzy directly. My ings of a gentleman to the necessities of his forprocess was always very simple-in his younger days, 'twas, " Jack, do this,"-if he demurred, I knocked him down; and, if he grumbled at that, I always sent him out of the room.

Mrs. M. Ay, and the properest way, o' my conscience! Nothing is so conciliating to young people as severity. Well, Sir Anthony, I shall give Mr. Acres his discharge, and prepare Lydia to receive your son's invocations; and I hope you will represent her to the captain as an object not altogether illegible.

Sir Anth. Madam, I will handle the subject prudently. I must leave you; and, let me beg you, Mrs. Malaprop, to enforce this matter roundly to the girl-take my advice, keep a tight hand--if she rejects this proposal, clap her under lock and key; and, if you were just to let the servants forget to bring her dinner for three or four days, you can't conceive how she'd come about. [Exit.

Mrs. M. Well, at any rate, I shall be glad to get her from under my intuition-she has somehow discovered my partiality for Sir Lucius O'Trigger. Sure, Lucy can't have betray'd me!-No, the girl

tune.

ACT II.

[Exit

SCENE I.-Captain Absolute's Lodgings.

Enter Captain ABSOLUTE and FAC. Fag. Sir, while I was there, Sir Anthony came in; I told him you had sent me to inquire after his health, and to know if he was at leisure to see you.

Capt. A. And what did he say on hearing I was at Bath?

Fag. Sir, in my life, I never saw an elderly gentleman more astonisì ed!

Capt. A. Well, sir, and what did you say?

Fag. O, I lied, sir-I forget the precise lie, but you may depend on't he got no truth from me. Yet, with submission, for fear of blunders in fu

SCENE I.]

ACTING DRAMA.

ture, I should be glad to fix what has brought us that she would take me with the impediment of our to Bath, in order that we may lie a little consist-friends' consent, a regular humdrum wedding, and ently. Sir Anthony's servants were curious, sir, the reversion of a good fortune on my side. Well, but Faulkland, you'll dine with us to-day at the very curious, indeed.

Capt. A. You have said nothing to them?
Fag. O, not a word, sir-not a word. Mr.
Thomas, indeed, the coachman (whom I take to be
the discreetest of whips)-

Capt. A. 'Sdeath!-you rascal! you have not trusted him?

Fag. Oh, no, sir,-no-no-not a syllable, upon my veracity!-He was, indeed, a little inquisitive; but I was sly, sir-devilish sly! My master (said I), honest Thomas (you know, sir, one says honest to one's inferiors) is come to Bath to recruit -yes, sir-I said to recruit-and whether for men, money, or constitution, you know, sir, is nothing to him, nor any one else.

Capt. A. Well-recruit will do-let it be soFag. Oh, sir, recruit will do surprisingly :-indeed, to give the thing an air, I told Thomas, that your honour had already enlisted five disbanded chairmen, seven minority waiters, and thirteen billiard-markers.

Capt. A. You blockhead, never say more than is

necessary.

Fag. I beg pardon, sir-I beg pardon. But, with submission, a lie is nothing unless well supported. Sir, whenever I draw on my invention for a good current lie, I always forge endorsements as well as the bill.

Capt. A. Well, take care you don't hurt your redit by offering too much security. Is Mr. Faulkland returned?

Fag. He is above, sir, changing his dress. Capt. A. Can you tell whether he has been informed of Sir Anthony's and Miss Melville's arrival?

Fag. I fancy not, sir; he has seen no one since be came in, but his gentleman, who was with him at Bristol. I think, sir, I hear Mr. Faulkland coming down

Capt. A. Go, tell him I am here.

hotel?

Faulk. Indeed, I cannot; I am not in spirits to
be of such a party.

Capt. A. By heavens! I shall forswear your
You are the most teasing, captious,
company.
incorrigible lover!-Do love like a man.
Faulk. Ah! Jack, your heart and soul are not
like mine, fixed immutably on one only object.
You throw for a large stake, but, losing, you could
stake and throw again; but I have set my sum of
happiness on this cast, and not to succeed were to
be stripped of all.

Capt. A. But, for Heaven's sake! what grounds for apprehension can your whimsical brain conjure up at present?

Faulk. What grounds for apprehension, did you say? Heavens! are there not a thousand? I fear for her spirits-her health-her life-O! Jack, when delicate and feeling souls are separated, there is not a feature in the sky, not a movement of the elements, not an aspiration of the breeze, but hints some cause for a lover's apprehension! Capt. A. Ay, but we may choose whether we So then, Faulkland, if will take the hint or not. you were convinced that Julia were well, and in spirits. you would be entirely content?

-I

Faulk. I should be happy beyond measuream anxious only for that.

Capt. A. Then cure your anxiety at once-Miss Melville is in perfect health, and is at this moment in Bath.

Faulk. Nay, Jack-don't trifle with me. Capt. A. She is arrived here with my father within this hour.

Faulk. Can you be serious?

Capt. A. I thought you knew Sir Anthony better than to be surprised at a sudden whim of this kind.-Seriously then, it is as I tell you, upon my honour.

Fag. Yes, sir. [Going.] I beg pardon, sir, but Faulk. My dear Jack-now nothing on earth can should Sir Anthony call, you will do me the favour to remember that we are recruiting, if you please.give me a moment's uneasiness. Capt. A. Well, well.

Fag. And in tenderness to my character, if your honour could bring in the chairmen and waiters, I shall esteem it as an obligation; for, though I never scruple a lie to serve my master, yet it hurts one's conscience to be found out.

Capt. A. Now for my whimsical friend: does not know that his mistress is here, I'll im a little before I tell him

Enter FAG.

[Exit.
If he
teaze

[Exit.

Fug. Mr. Faulkland, sir. e-enter FAG, introduces Mr. FAULKLAND, and exit. Capt. A. Faulkland, you're welcome to Bath gain: you are punctual in your return.

Faulk. Yes; I had nothing to detain me when I Well, what bad finished the business I went on. news since I left you? How stand matters be tween you and Lydia?

Capt. A. 'Faith, much as they were. Faulk. Nay, then, you trifle too long-if you are sure of her, propose to the aunt, in your own character, and write to Sir Anthony for his consent. Capt. A. Softly, softly, for though I am convinced my little Lydia would elope with me as Ensign Beverley, yet, am 1 by no means certain

Enter FAG.

Fag. Sir, Mr. Acres, just arrived, is below. Capt. A. Stay, Faulkland, this Acres lives within a mile of Sir Anthony, and he shall tell you how your mistress has been ever since you left her. [Exit FAG. Fag, show the gentleman up.

Faulk. What, is he much acquainted in the family? Capt. A. Oh, very intimate; he is likewise a rival of mine—that is, of my other self's, for he does not think his friend, Captain Absolute, ever saw the lady in question; and it is ridiculous ley, a conceited, skulking rival, who—— enough to hear him complain to me of one BeverFaulk. Hush-He's here!

Enter ACRES.

Acres. Hah! my dear friend, noble captain, and Warm honest Jack, how dost thou? Just arrived, 'faith, as you see.-Sir, your humble servant. work on the roads, Jack-odds whips and wheels! I've travelled like a comet, with a tail of dust all the way as long as the Mall.

Capt. A. Ah! Bob, you are indeed an eccentric planet, but we know your attraction hither; give me leave to introduce Mr. Faulkland to you; Mr. Faulkland, Mr. Acres.

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Acres. Never knew her better in my life, sir; never better. Odds blushes and blooms! she has been as healthy as the German Spa.

Acres. What does the gentleman say about dancing?

Capt. A. He says the lady we speak of dances as well as sings.

Acres. Ay, truly does she-there was at our last race-ball

Faulk. Hell and the devil! There! there-I told you so! I told you so! oh! she thrives in my absence! Dancing!

Capt. A. For Heaven's sake, Faulkland, don't expose yourself so! Suppose she has danced, what then? does not the ceremony of society often

Faulk. Indeed! I did hear that she had been a obligelittle indisposed.

Acres. False, false, sır; only said to vex you quite the reverse, I assure you.

Faulk. There, Jack, you see she has the advantage of me; I had almost fretted myself ill.

Capt. A. Now are you angry with your mistress for not having been sick.

Faulk. No, no, you misunderstand me: yet surely a little trifling indisposition is not an unnatural consequence of absence from those we love. Now, confess-isn't there something unkind in this violent, robust, unfeeling health?

Capt. A. Oh, it was very unkind of her to be well in your absence, to be sure!

Acres. Good apartments, Jack.

Faulk. Well, sir, but you were saying that Miss Melville has been so exceedingly well-what then, she has been merry and gay, I suppose?-always in spirits, hey?

Acres. Merry! odds crickets! she has been the belle and spirit of the company wherever she has been-so lively and entertaining! so full of wit and humour!

Faulk. By my soul! there is an innate levity in woman that nothing can overcome!-What! happy, and I away!

Capt. A. Just now, you were only apprehensive for your mistress's spirits.

Faulk. Why, Jack, have I been the joy and spirit of the company?

Capt. A. No, indeed, you have not.
Faulk. Have I been lively and entertaining?
Capt. A. Oh, upon my word, I acquit you.
Faulk. Have I been full of wit and humour?
Capt. A. No, 'faith, to do you justice, you have
been confoundedly stupid, indeed.

Acres. What's the matter with the gentleman? Capt. A. He is only expressing his great satisfaction at hearing that Julia has been so well and happy-that's all-hey, Faulkland?

Faulk. Yes, yes, she bas a happy disposition! Acres. That she has, indeed-then she is so accomplished-so sweet a voice-so expert at her harpsichord-such a mistress of flat and sharp; squallante, rumblante, and quiverante !-there was this time month-odd's minums and crotchets ! how she did chirrup at Mrs. Piano's concert! [Sings.] My heart's my own, my will is free. That's very

like her.

Faulk. Fool! fool that I am! to fix all my happiness on such a trifler! 'Sdeath! to make herself the pipe and ballad-monger of a circle! to soothe her light heart with catches and g'ees! What can you say to this, sir?

Capt. A. Why, that I should be glad to hear my mistress had been so merry, sir.

Faulk. Nay, nay, nay-I'm not sorry that she has been happy; no, I am glad of that-but she has been dancing too, I doubt not.

Mr.

Faulk. Well, well, I'll contain myself-perhaps,
as you say-for form's sake. I say Mr.
What's his d-d name?
Capt. A. Acres, Acres.

Faulk. O ay, Mr. Acres, you were praising Miss
Melville's manner of dancing a minuet-hey?

Acres. Oh, I dare insure her for that-but what I was going to speak of, was her country dancing: odds swimmings! she has such an air with her!

Faulk. Now, disappointment on her! defend this, Absolute! why don't you defend this? country dances! jigs and reels! am 1 to blame now? A minuet I could have forgiven-I should not have minded that I say, I should not have regarded a minuet-but country dances! Z-ds, had she made one in a cotillion-I believe I could have forgiven even that--but to be monkey-led for a night! to run the gauntlet through a string of amorous palming puppies! to show paces, like a managed filly! Oh, Jack, there never can be but one man in the world whom a truly modest and delicate woman ought to pair with in a country dance; and, even then, the rest of the couples should be her great uncles and aunts!

Capt. A. Ay, to be sure! grandfathers and grandmothers!

Faulk. If there be but one vicious mind in the
set, it will spread like a contagion--the action of
their pulse beats to the lascivious movement of the
jig-their quivering, warm-breathed sighs impreg-
nate the air-the atmosphere becomes electrical to
love, and each amorous spark darts through every
link of the chain !-I must leave you--I own I am
somewhat flurried-and that confounded looby has
perceived it.
[Going.

Capt. A. Nay, but stay, Faulkland, and thank
Mr. Acres for his good news.
Faulk. D-n his news!

[Exit.

Capt. A. Ha! ha! ha! poor Faulkland! Five minutes since-"nothing on earth could give him a moment's uneasiness!"

Acres. The gentleman wasn't angry at my praising his mistress, was he?

Capt. A. A little jealous, I believe, Bob. Acres. You don't say so? Ha ha! jealous of me ?—that's a good joke!

Capt. A. There's nothing strange in that, Bob; let me tell you, that sprightly grace and insinuating manner of yours will do some mischief among the girls here.

Acres. Ah! you joke-ha! ha! mischief-ba! ha! but you know I am not my own property! my dear Lydia has forestalled me. She could never abide me in the country, because I used to dress so badly-but, odds frogs and tambours! I sha'nt take matters so here-now ancient madam has no voice in it-I'll make my old clothes know who's master-I shall straightway cashier the hunting.

frock, and render my leather breeches incapable-am sensible that the income of your commission, My hair has been in training some time. and what I have hitherto allowed you, is but a small pittance for a lad of your spirit.

Capt. A. Indeed!

Acres. Ab-and tho'f the side-curls are a little restive, my hind part takes it very kindly.

Capt. A. Oh, you ll polish, I doubt not. Acres. Absolutely I propose so-then if I can find out this Ensign Beverley, odds triggers and flints! I'll make him know the difference o't.

Capt. A. Spoke like a man-but pray, Bob, I observe you have got an odd kind of a new method of swearing

Acres. Ha! ba! you have taken notice of it'tis genteel, isn't it?-I did'nt invent it myself though; but a commander in our militia, a great scholar, I assure you, says that there is no meaning in the common oaths, and that nothing but their antiquity makes them respectable; because, he says, the ancients would never stick to an oath or two, but would say, by Jove! or by Bacchus! or by Mars! or by Venus! or by Pallas! according to the sentiment;-so that to swear with propriety, says my little major, the "oath should be an echo to the sense;" and this we call the oath referential, or sentimental swearing-ha! ha! ha! 'tis genteel, isn't it?

Capt. A. Very genteel, and very new, indeedand I dare say will supplant all other figures of imprecation.

Acres. Ay, ay, the best terms will grow obsolete -Damns have had their day.

Enter FAG.

Fag. Sir, there is a gentleman below desires to see you-Shall I show him into the parlour? Capt. A. Ay-you may.

Acres. Well, I must be gone

Capt. A. Stay: who is it, Fag?
Fag. Your father, sir.

Copt. A. You puppy, why didn't you show him up directly?

[Exit FAG.

Capt. A. Sir, you are very good.

Sir Anth. And it is my wish, while yet I live, to have my boy make some figure in the world.I have resolved, therefore, to fix you at once in a noble independence.

Capt. A. Sir, your kindness overpowers me.Yet, sir, I presume you would not wish me to quit the army?

Sir Anth. Oh! that shall be as your wife chooses.
Capt. A. My wife, sir?

Sir Anth. Ay, ay, settle that between you-settle that between you.

Capt. A. A wife, sir, did you say?

Sir Anth. Ay, a wife-why, did I not mention that before?

Capt. A. Not a word of her, sir.

Sir Anth. Odd so !-I musn't forget her though Yes, Jack, the independence I was talking of is by a marriage the fortune is saddled with a wife; but I suppose that makes no difference?

Capt. A. Sir! sir! you amaze me!

Sir Anth. Why, what the devil's the matter with the fool? Just now you were all gratitude and duty.

Capt. A. I was, sir.-You talked to me of independence and a fortune, but not a word of a wife.

Sir Anth. Why, what difference does that make? -Odds life, sir! if you have the estate, you must take it with the live stock on it, as it stands.

Capt. A. Pray, sir, who is the lady?

Sir Anth. What's that to you, sir?-Come, give me your promise to love and to marry her directly. Capt. A. Sure, sir, this is not very reasonable ; to summon my affections for a lady I know nothing

of.

Sir Anth. I am sure, sir, 'tis more unreasonable in you to object to a lady you know nothing of. Capt. A. You must excuse me, sir, if I tell you,

Acres. You have business with Sir Anthony.-once for all, that in this point I cannot obey you. I expect a message from Mrs. Malaprop, at my lodgings; I have sent also to my dear friend, Sir Lucius O'Trigger.-Adieu, Jack, we must meet at night, when you shall give me a dozen bumpers to little Lydia. [Exit.

Capt A. That I will, with all my heart. Now for a parental lecture-I hope he has heard nothing of the business that has brought me here-I wish the gout had held him fast in Devonshire, with all my soul!

Enter Sir ANTHONY.

Sir, I am delighted to see you here, and looking so well!-your sudden arrival at Bath made me apprehensive for your health.

Sir Anth. Very apprehensive, I dare say, Jack. -What, you are recruiting here, hey?

Capt. A. Yes, sir. I am on duty.

Sir Anth. Well, Jack, I am glad to see you, though I did not expect it; for I was going to write to you on a little matter of business.-Jack, I have been considering that I grow old and infirm, and shall probably not trouble you long.

Capt. A. Pardon me, sir, I never saw you look more strong and hearty, and I pray fervently that you may continue so.

Sir Anth. I hope your prayers may be heard with all my heart. Well then, Jack, I have been considering that I am so strong and hearty, I may continue to plague you a long time.-Now Jack,

Sir Anth. Hark ye, Jack;-I have heard you for some time with patience-I have been cool-quite cool; but take care-you know I am compliance itself, when I am not thwarted; no one more easily led, when I have my own way:-hut don't put mo in a froney.

Capt. A. Sir, I must repeat it-in this I cannot
obey you. have
Sir Anth. Now d-n me! if ever I call you'
Jack again while I live!

Capt. A. Nay, sir, but hear me.

Sir Anth. Sir, I won't hear a word-not a word; not one word! so give me your promise by a nod. And I'll tell you what, Jack-I mean, you dogif you don't, by

Capt. A. What, sir, promise to link myself to some mass of ugliness!

Sir Anth. Z-ds, sirrah! the lady shall be as ugly as I choose: she shall have a hump on each shoulder: she shall be as crooked as the crescent; her one eye shall roll like the bull's in Cox's Mu seum. She shall have a skin like a mummy, and the beard of a Jew. She shall be all this, sirrah! yet I'll make you ogle her all day, and sit up all night to write sonnets on her beauty.

Capt. A. This is reason and moderation, indeed! Sir Anth. None of your sneering, puppy! no grinning, jackanapes.

Capt. A. Indeed, sir, I never was in a worse humour for mirth in my life.

Sir Anth. 'Tis false, sir; I know you are laughing in your sleeve; I know you'll grin when I am gone, sirrah!

Capt. A. Sir, I hope I know my duty better.
Sir Anth. None of your passion, sir! none of
your violence, if you please-it won't do with me,
I promise you.

Capt. A. Indeed, sir, I was never cooler in my fe.

Sir Anth. 'Tis a confounded lie!-I know you are in a passion in your heart; I know you are, you hypocritical young dog-but it won't do.

Capt. A. Nay, sir, upon my word

my mistress's list-Captain Absolute; however, I shall not enter his name till my purse has received due notice in form. Sir Lucius is generally more punctual, when he expects to hear from his dear Dalia, as he calls her :—I wonder he's not here!

Enter Sir LUCIUS O'TRIGGER.

Sir L. Hah! my little ambassadress; upon my conscience I have been looking for you; I have been on the South Parade this half hour.

miss you.

Lucy. My stars! Now I'd wager a sixpence I went by while you were asleep.

Sir L. Sure enough it must have been so; and 1 never dreamt it was so late, till I waked. Well but my little girl, have you got nothing for me? Lucy. Yes, but I have-I've got a letter for you in my pocket.

Lucy. [Speaking simply.] O gemini; and I have been waiting for your worship here on the North. Sir Anth. So you will fly out! can't you be cool, Sir L. 'Faith! may be, that was the reason we like me? What the devil good can passion do? did not meet; and it is very comical too, how you Passion is of no service, you impudent, insolent, could go out, and I not see you-for I was only over-bearing reprobate! There, you sneer again! taking a nap at the Parade Coffee-house, and I -don't provoke me! but you rely upon the mild-chose the window, on purpose that I might no ness of my temper-you do, you dog! you play upon the meekness of my disposition! Yet, take care-the patience of a saint may be overcome at last-but mark! I give you six hours and a half to consider of this: if you then agree, without any condition, to do everything on earth that I choose, why-confound you! I may in time forgive you,— if not, z-ds! don't enter the same hemisphere with me; don't dare to breathe the same air, or use the same light with me; but get an atmosphere and a sun of your own! I'll strip you of your commission; I'll lodge a five-and-threepence in the hands of trustees, and you shall live on the interest. I'll disown you, I'll disinherit you, I'll unget you! and d-n me! if ever I call you Jack again! [Erit. Capt. A. Mild, gentle, considerate father! I kiss your hands.

Enter FAG.

a

Fag. Assuredly, sir, your father is wroth to degree; he comes down stairs eight or ten steps at a time, muttering, growling, and thumping the banisters all the way; I, and the cook's dog, stand bowing at the door-rap! he gives me a stroke on the head with his cane; bids me carry that to my master; then kicking the poor turnspit into the area, d-ns us all for a puppy triumvirate!- Upon my credit, sir. were I in your place, and found my father such very bad company, I should certainly drop his acquaintance.

Capt. A. Cease your impertinence, sir-did you come in for nothing more? Stand out of the way. [Pushes him aside, and exit. Fag. So! Sir Anthony trims my master: he is afraid to reply to his father, then vents his spleen on poor Fag! When one is vexed by one person, to revenge one's self on another, who happens to come in the way, shows the worst of tempers, the

basest

Enter Errand Boy.

Boy. Mr. Fag! Mr. Fag! your master calls you.

Fag, Well! you little, dirty puppy, you needn't bawl so-the meanest disposition, theBoy. Quick! quick! Mr. Fag.

Fag. Quick, quick! you impudent jackanapes! m 1 to be commanded by you too, you little, impertinent, insolent, kitchen-bred-[Kicks him off.

SCENE 1.-The North Parade.

Sir L. I'faith! I guessed you weren't come empty-handed; well, let me see what the dear creature says.

Lucy. There, Sir Lucius. [Gives him a letter. Sir L. [Reads.] "Sir,-There is often a sudden incentive impulse in love, that has a greater induction than years of domestic combination: such was the commotion I felt at the first superfluous view of Sir Lucius O'Trigger." Very pretty upon my word!"Female punctuation forbids me to say more! yet, let me add, that it will give me joy infallible to find Sir Lucius worthy the last criterion of my affections.

"Yours, while meretricious,

"DELIA."

Upon my conscience! Lucy, your lady is a great
mistress of language! 'Faith! she's quite the queen
of the dictionary; for the devil a word dare refuse
coming at her call, though one would think it was
quite out of hearing.

Lucy. Ay, sir, a lady of her experience.
Sir L. Experience! what, at seventeen?
stars! how she will read off hand!
Lucy. O, true, sir-but then she reads so-my

Sir L. 'Faith she must be very deep read, to write this way, though she is rather an arbitrary writer, too; for here are a great many poor words pressed into the service of this note, that would get their habeas corpus from any court in Christen dom. However, when affection guides the pen, he must be a brute who finds fault with the style.

Lucy. Ah! Sir Lucius, if you were to hear how she talks of you!

Sir L. Oh, tell her, I'll make her the best husband in the world, and Lady O"Trigger into the bargain! But we must get the old gentlewoman's consent, and do everything fairly.

Lucy. Nay, Sir Lucius, I thought you wa'n' rich enough to be so nice.

Sir L. Upon my word, young woman, you have hit it: I am so poor, that I can't afford to do a dirty action. If I did not want money, I'd steal your mistress and her fortune with a great deal of pleasure. However, my pretty girl, [Giving her money] here's a little something to buy you a riLucy. Sc. I shall have another rival to add to band; and meet me in the evening, and I will give

Enter Lucy.

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