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MIrs. M. Those are vile places, indeed! is such a simpleton, I should have made her confess
Sir Anth. Madam, a circulating library in a town it. Lucy! Lucy! (Calls.) Had she been one of is, as an evergreen tree of diabolical knowledge!-- your artificial ones, I should never have trusted It blossoms through the year! And, depend on her. it, Mrs. Malaprop, that they who are so fond of
Enter Lucy. handling the leaves, will long for the fruit at last. Mrs. M. Fie, fie, Sir Anthony; you surely speak
Lucy. Did you call, ma'am ? laconically.
Mrs. M. Yes, girl. Did you see Sir Lucius Sir Anth. Why, Mrs. Malaprop, in moderation,
while you was out? now, what would you have a woman know?
Lucy. No, indeed, ma'am, not a glimpse of him. Mrs. M. Observe me, Sir Anthony-I would by
Mrs. M. You are sure, Lucy, that you never no means wish a daughter of mine to be a progeny
mentioned of learning; I don't think so much learning be
Lucy. O gemini! I'd sooner cut my tongue out! comes a young woman :-for instance-I would
Mrs. M. Well, don't let your simplicity be im. never let her meddle with Greek, or Hebrew, or
pose: on. algebra, or simony, or fluxions, or paradoxes, or
Lucy. No, ma'am. such inflammatory branches of learning; nor will
Mrs. M. So, come to me presently, and I'll it be necessary for her to handle any of your ma
give you another letter to Sir Lucius-but mind, thematical, astronomical, diabolical instruments; Lucy, if ever you betray what you are intrusted but, Sir Anthony, I would send her, at nine years with (unless it be other people's secrets to me), old, to a boarding school, in order to learn a little you forfeit my malevolence for ever; and your ingenuity and artifice. Then, sir, she should have being a simpleton shall be no excuse for your loa supercilious knowledge in accounts; and, as she cality.
[Erit. grew up, I would have her instructed in geometry: me give you a little respite : (Altering her manner]
Lucy. Ha! ha! ha! So, my dear simplicity, let countries : above all, she should be taught ortho- 1 -- let girls in my station be as fond as they please çoxy. This, Sir Anthony, is what I would have a
of being expert and knowing in their trust, comwoman know; and I don't think there is a super
mend me to a mask of silliness, and a pair of sharp stitious article in it. The
my own interest under it!--Let me see to Sir Anth. Well, well, Mrs. Malaprop. I will what account have I turned my simplicity lately : dispute the point no further with you though I (Looks at a paper) “ For abetting Miss Lydia must confess, that you are a truly moderate and Languish in a design of ruuning away with an enpolite arguer, for almost every third word you say siga! ia money, sundry times, twelve pound twelve is on my side of the question. But, to the more-gowns, five; bats, rufiles, caps, &c. &c. num. important point in debate--you say you have no berless. From the said ensign, within this last objection to my proposal ?
month, six guineas and a half. Item, from Mrs. Mrs. M. None, I assure you. I am under no
Malaprop, for betraying the young people to her" is so obstinate against bim, perhaps your son may from Mr. Acres, for carrying divers letters”positive engagement with Mr. Acres; and as Lydia –when I found matters were likely to be dis
covered—“two guineas and a French shawl. Item, hare better success.
Sir Anth. Well, madam, I will write for the boy which I never delivered two guineas and a pair directly; He knows not a syllable of this yei, of buckles. Item, from Sir Lucius O'Trigger, though I bave for some time had the proposal in three crowns, two gold pocket pieces, and a silver my head. He is at present with his regiment.
snuff-box!”–Well done, simplicity! yet I was Mrs. M. We have never seen your son, sir forced to make my Hibernian believe, that he was Anthony, but I hope no objection on his side. corresponding, not with the aunt, but with the
Sir Anth. Objection !- Let him object if he niece ; for, though not over rich, I found be hud dare !-- No, no, Mrs. Malaprop ; Jack knows, that too much pride and delicacy to sacrifice the feel. the least demur puts me in a frenzy directly.' Myings of a gentleman to the necessities of bis forprocess was always very simple-in bis
[Erit younger days, 'twas, “ Jack, do this,”--if he demurred, I koocked him down; and, if he grumbled at that, I always sent him out of the room.
Dirs. M. Ay, and the properest way, o' my conscience !-- Nothing is so conciliating to young people as severity. Well, Sir Anthony, I shali
ACT II. give Mr. Acres bis discharge, and prepare Lydia to receive your son's invocations; and I hopo you SCENE 1.-Captain Absolute's Lodgings. will represent her to the captain as an object not altogether illegible.
Enter Captain ABSOLUTE and Fac. Sir Anth. Madan, I will handle the subject pru- Fag. Sir, while I was there, Sir Anthony came dently. I must leave you; and, let me beg you, in; I told him you had sent me to inquire after Mrs. Malaprop, to enforce this matter roundly to his health, and to know if he was at leisure to see the girl-take my advice, keep a tight hand- it'she you. rejects this proposal, clap her under lock and key; Capt. A. And what did he say on hearing I was and, if you were just to let the servants forget to at Bath? bring her dinner for three or four days, you can't Fag. Sir, in my life, I never saw an elderly conceive bow she'd come about.
[Erit. gentleman more astonisi ed ! Mrs. M. Well, at any rate, I shall be glad to get Capt. A. Well, sir, and what did you say? her from under my intuition- she has somehow Fag. 0, I lied, sir-I forget the precise lie, but discovered my partiality for Sir Lucius O'Trigger. you may depend on't be got no truth from me. Sure, Lucy can't have betray'd me!-No, the girl | Vet, with submission, for fear of blunders in fu
ture, I should be glad to fix what bas brought us that she would take me with the impediment of our to Bath, in order that we may lie a little consist friends' consent, a regular humdrum wedding, and ently. Sir Anthony's servants were curious, sir, the reversion of a good fortune on my side. Well, very curious, indeed.
but Faulkland, you'll dine with us to-day at the Capt. A. You bave said nothing to them? hotel?
Fag. O, not a word, sir-not a word. Mr. Faulk. Indeed, I cannot; I am not in spirits to Thomas, indeed, the coachman (whom I take to bo be of such a party. the discreetest of whips)
Capt. A. By heavens! I shall forswear your Capt. A. 'sdeath !--you rascal! you bave not company. You are the most teasing, captious, trusted him?
incorrigible lover!-Do love like a man. Fag. Oh, no, sir,-no-no-not a syllable, upon Faulk. Ah! Jack, your heart and soul are not ay veracity!- He was, indeed, a little inquisitive; like mine, fixed immutably on one only object. but I was sly, sir-devilish sly! - My master You throw for a large stake, but, losing, you could (said I), honest Thomas (you know, sir, one says stake and throw again; but I have set my sum of honest to one's inferiors) is conie to Bath to recruit bappiness on this cast, and not to succeed were to -yes, sir-I said to recruit—and whether for men, be stripped of all. money, or constitution, you know, sir, is nothing Capt. A. But, for Heaven's sake! what grounds to him, nor any one else.
for apprehension can your whimsical brain conjure Capt. A. Well-recruit will do--let it be so- up at present?
Fag. Oh, sir, recruit will do surprisingly :-in- Faulk. What grounds for apprehension, did you deed, to gire the thing an air, I told Thomas, that say? Heavens! are there not a thousand ? I fear your bonour had already enlisted five disbanded for her spirits--her health—her lise-0! Jack, chairmen, seven minority waiters, and thirteen when delicate and feeling souls are separated, billiard-markers.
there is not a feature in the sky, not a movement Capt. A. You blocklead, never say more than is of the elements, not an aspiration of the breeze, necessary.
but hints some cause for a lover's apprehension ! Fag. I beg pardon, sir-I beg pardon. But, Capt. A. Ay, but we may choose whether wo rith submission, a lie is nothing unless well sup- will take the bint or not. So then, Faulkland, if ported. Sir, whenever I draw on my invention you were convinced that Julia were well, and in for a good current lie, I always forge endorsements spirits. you would be entirely content? as well as the bill.
Faulk. I should be happy beyond measure-I Capt. A. Well, take care you don't hurt your am anxious only for that. sredit by offering too much security. Is Mr. Capt. A. Then cure your anxiety at once-Miss Faulkland returned ?
Melville is in perfect health, and is at this moment Fag. He is above, sir, changing his dress. in Bath.
Capt. A. Can you tell whether he has been inform. Faulk. Nay, Jack-don't trifle with me. ed of Sir Anthony's and Miss Melville's arrival ? Capt. A. She is arrived here with my father
Fag. I fancy not, sir; he has seen no one since within this hour, be came in, but his gentleman, who was with him Faulk. Can you be serious ? at Bristol. I think, sir, I hear Mr. Faulkland Capt. A. I thought you knew Sir Anthony better coming down
than to be surprised at a sudden whim of this Capt. A. Go, tell him I am here.
kind.-Seriously then, it is as I tell you, upon my Fag. Yes, sir. [Going.) I beg pardon, sir, but honour. should Sir Anthony call, you will do me the favour Faulk. My dear Jack-now nothing on earth can to remember that we are recruiting, if you please. give me a moment's uneasiness.
Capt. A. Well, well.
Enter Fag. bonour could bring in the chairmen and waiters, I Fag. Sir, Mr. Acres, just arrived, is below. shall esteem it as an obligation; for, though I never Capt. A. Stay, Faulkland, this Acres lives withscruple a lie to serve my master, yet it hurts one's in a mile of Sir
Anthony, and he shall tell you how conscience to be found out.
[Erit. your mistress bas been ever since you left her. Capt. A. Now for my whimsical friend :- If he Fag, show the gentleman up. [Tait Fac. does not know that his mistress is here, I'll teaze Faulk. What, is he much acquainted in the family? im a little before 1.tell bim
Capt. A. Oh, very intimate; he is likewise a Enter Fag.
rival of mine—that is, of my other self's, for le
does not think bis friend, Captain Absoluto, ever Fag. Mr. Faulkland, sir.
[Esit. saw the lady in question; and it is ridiculous e-enter Fag, introduces Mr. FAULKLAND, and exit. enough to hear lim complain to me of one Bever
ley, a conceited, skulking rival, whoCapt. 4. Faulkland, you're welconie to Bath Faulk. Hush!-He's here ! gain : you are punctual in your return. Faulk. Yes; I had nothing to detain me when I
Enter Acris. had finished the business I went on. Well, what Acres. Hah! my dear friend, noble captain, and Dews since I left you? How stand matters be honest Jack, how dost thou? Just arrived, 'faith, tween you and Lydia ?
as you see.--Sir, your humble servant. Warın Capt. A. 'Faith, much as they were.
work on the roads, Jack---odds whips and wheels! Faulk. Nay, then, you trifle too long-if you I've travelled like a comet, with a tail of dust all are sure of ber, propose to the aunt, in your own the way as long as ibe Mall. character, and write to Sir Anthony for his consent, Capt. A. AL! Bob, you are indeed an eccentric
Capt. A. Softly, softly, for though I am con- planet, but we know your attraction bither; give vinced my little Lydia would elope with me as me leave to introduce Mr. Faulkland to you ; Mr. Ensigo Beverley, ret, am I by no means certain Faulkland, Mr. Acres.
Acres. Sir, I am most heartily glad to see you: Acres. What does the gentleman say about sir, I solicit your connexions.--İley, Jack-what Hancing ? this is Mr. Faulkiand, who
Cupl. A. He says the lady we speak of dances Cupt. A. Ay, Bob, Miss Melville's Mr. Faulk'and. as well as sings.
Acres. Ah! Mr. Faulhland, you are indeed a Acres. Ay, truly does she-there was at our last happy man!
race-bullFaulk. I have not seen Miss Melville vet, sir; 1 Faulk. Hell and the devil! There ! tbere-I hope she enjoyed full health and spirits in De- told you so! I told you so! oh! sbe thrives in my vonshire !
absence! Dancing! Acres. Never knew her better in my life, sir ; Capt. A. For Heaven's sake, Faulkland, don't never better. Odds blushes and blooms! she has expose yourself so! Suppose she has danced, been as healthy as the German Spa.
what then? dous not the ceremony of society often Faulk. Indeed! I did hear that she bad been a obligelittle indisposed.
Faulk. Well, well, I'll contain myself-perhaps, Acres. False, false, sir; only said to vex you : as you say—for form's sake. I say Mr. Mr. quite the reverse, I assure you.
What's his d-d name? Faulk. There, Jack, you see sbe has the advan- Cupt. A. Acres, Acres. tage of me; I bad almost fretted myself ill. Faulk. O ay, Mr. Acres, you were praising Miss
Capt. A. Now are you, angry with your mistress Melville's manner of dancing a minuet-hey? for not having been sick.
Acres. Oh, I dare insure her for that-but Faulk. No, no, you misunderstand me: yet what I was going to speak of, was her country surely a little trifling indisposition is not an unna dancing : odds swimmings! she has such an air tural consequence of absence from those we love. with her! Now, confess-isn't there something unkind in this Faulk. Now, disappointment on her! defend violent, robust, unfeeling health?
this, Absolute ! why don't you defend this ? counCapt. A. Oh, it was very unkind of her to be try dances ! jigs and reels! am I to blame now? well in your absence, to be sure !
Aminuet I could have forgiven-I should not have Acres. Good apartments, Jack.
minded that-I say, I should not have regarded a Faulk. Well, sir, but you were saying that Miss minuet-but country dances ! 2-os, had she Melville has been so exceedingly well-what then, made one in a cotillion-I believe I could have for. she has been merry and gay, I suppose ?— always given even that--but to be monkey-led for a night! in spirits, bey?
to run the gauntlet through a string of amorous Acres. Merry! odds crickets! she bas been the palming puppies ! to show paces, like a managed belle and spirit of the company wherever she has filly! Oh, Jack, there never can be but one man been-so lively and entertaining! so full of wit in the world whom a truly modest and delicate and humour !
woman ought to pair with in a country dance ; Faulk. By my soul! there is an innate levity in and, even then, the rest of the couples should be woman that nothing can overcome! - What! happy, her great uncles and aunts ! and I away!
Capt. A. Ay, to be sure ! grandfathers and grand. Capt. A. Just now, you were only apprebensire mothers! for your mistress's spirits.
Faulk. If there be but one vicious mind in the Faulk. Why, Jack, have I been the joy and set, it will spread like a contagion--the action of spirit of the company?
their pulse beats to the lascivious movement of the Capt. A. No, indeed, you have not.
jig-their quivering, warm-breathed sighs impreg. Faulk. Have I been lively and entertaining? nate the air—the atmospbere becomes electrical to Capt. A. Oh, upon my word, I acquit you. love, and each amorous spark darts through every Faulk. Have I been full of wit and humour ? link of the cbain !-I must leave you--I own I am
Cupt. A. No, 'faith, to do you justice, you have somewhat flurried—and that confounded looby has been confoundedly stupid, indeed.
(Going. Acres. What's the matter with the gentleman ? Capt. A. Nay, but stay, Faulkland, and thank
Capt. A. He is only expressing his great satis. Mr. Acres for his good news. faction at hearing that Julia has been so well and Faulk. D-n his news!
[Erit. happy-that's all — hey, Faulkland ?
Capt. A. Ha! ha! ha! poor Faulkland ! Five Faulk. Yes, yes, she bas a happy disposition ! minutes since—"nothing on earth could give him
Acres. That she has, indeed--then she is so ac- a moment's uneasiness! complished-s0 sweet a voice—so expert at her Acres. The gentleman wasn't angry at my prais. harpsichord—such a mistress of fat and sharp; ing his mistress, was he? squallante, rumblante, and quiverante !-- there was Capt. A. A little jealous, I believe, Bob. this time month-odd's minums and crotchets ! how Acres. You don't say so? Ja! ha! jealous of she did chirrup at Mrs. Piano's concert! [Sings.] me !—that's a good joke! My heart's my own, my will is free. That's very Capt. A. There's nothing strange in that, Bob; like her.
let me tell you, that sprightly grace and iosinuating Faulk. Fool! fool that I am! to fix all my hap- manner of yours will do some mischief among the piness on such a trifler! 'ŞDeath! to make ber- girls here. self the pipe and ballad-monger of a circle ! to Acres. Ah! you joke - ha! ha! mischief-ba! soothe her light heart with catches and g'ees ! ha' but you know I am not my own property! my What can you say to this, sir?
deor Lydia bas forestalled me. She could never Capt. A. Why, that I should be glad to hear my abide me in the country, because I used to dress mistress had been so merry, sir.
so badly--but, odds frogs and tambours! I sha'nt Faulk. Nay, nay, nay— I'm not sorry that she take inatters so bere—now ancient madam has no has been happy ; no, I am glad of thai—but she voice in it-I'll make my old clothes know who's has been dancing too, I doubt not.
master-I shall straightway casbier the hunting.
frock, and render my leather breeches incapable-am sensible that the income of your commission, My hair has been in training some time.
and what I have hitherto allowed you, is but a Capt. A. Indeed!
small pittance for a lad of your spirit. Acres. Ab—and tho'f the side-curls are a little Capi. A. Sir, you are very good. restive, my bind part takes it very kindly.
Sir Anth. And it is my wish, while yet I live, Capt. A. Oh, you'll polish, I doubt not. to have my boy make some figure in the world.
Acres. Absolutely I propưse so--then if I can I have resolved, therefore, to tix you at once in a find out this Ensign Beverley, odds triggers and noble independence. fints! I'll make him know the difference o't. Capt. A. Sir, your kindness overpowers me.
Capt. A. Spoke like a man-but pray, Bob, I ler, sir, I presume you would not wish me to observe you have got an odd kind of a new method quit the army? of swearing
Sir Anth, Oh! that shall be as your wife chooses. Aeres. Ha! ha! you have taken notice of it- Capt. A. My wife, sir ? 'tis genteel, isn't it?-1 did'nt invent it myself Sir Anth. Ay, ay, settle that between you -settle though ; but a commander in our militia, a great that between you. scholar, I assure you, says that there is no mean- Capt. A. A wife, sir, did you say? ing in the common oaths, and that nothing but their Sir Anth. Ay, a wife-why, did I not mention antiquity makes them respectable; because, he that before ? says, the ancients would never stick to an oath or Capt. A. Not a word of her, sir. two, but would say, by Jove! or by Bacchus! or Sir Anth. Odd so !-I musn't forget her though by Mars! or by Venus! or by Pallas ! according - Yes, Jack, the independence I was talking of is to the sentiment ;--so that to swear with propriéty, by a marriage—the fortune is saddled with a wife; says my little major, the “oath should be an echo but I suppose that makes no difference ? to the sense;" and this we call the oath refer. Capt. A. Sir! sir! you amaze me ! ential, or sentimental swearing-ha! ha! ha! 'tis Sir Anth. Why, what the devil's the matter genteel, isn't it?
with the fool? Just now you were all gratitude Capt. A. Very genteel, and very new, indeed and duty. and í dare say will supplant all other figures of Capt. A. I was, sir.-You talked to me of indeimprecation.
pendence and a fortune, but not a word of a wife. Acres. Ay, ay, the best terms will grow obsolete Sir Anth. Why, what difference does that make ? -Damns have had their day.
-Odds life, sir! if you have the estate, you must
take it with the live stock on it, as it stands. Enter Fac.
Capt. A. Pray, sir, who is the lady? Fag. Sır, there is a gentleman below desires to Sir Anth. What's that to you, sir?--Come, give see you-Shall I show bim into the parlour ? me your promise to love and to marry her directly. Capt. A. Ay-you may.
Capt. A. Sure, sir, this is not very reasonable ; Acres. Well, I'must be gono
to summon my affections for a lady I know nothing Cupt. A. Stay : who is it, Fag?
of. Fag. Your fatber, sir.
Sir Anth. I am sure, sir, 'tis more unreasonable Capt. A. You puppy, wby didn't you show him in you to object to a lady you know nothing of. op directly?
[Erit Fac. Capt. A. You must excuse me, sir, if I tell you, Acres. You have business with Sir Anthony.- once for all, that in this point I cannot obey you. I expect a message from Mrs. Malaprop, at my Sir Anth. Ilark ye, Jack ;-I have heard you for lodgings ; I have sent also to my dear friend, Sir some time with patience-I have been cool-quite Lucius O'Trigger.- Adieu, Jack, we must meet cool; but take care--you know I am cumpliance at night, when you shall give me a dozen bumpers itself, when I am not thwarted; no one more easily to little Lydia.
[Exit. led, when I have my own way:- :-hut don't put na Capt A. That I will, with all my heart. Now in a froney. for a parental lecture-I hope he has heard nothing Capt. A. Sir, I must repeat it-in this I cannot of the business that has brought me here-I wish obey you.
hang the gout bad beld him fast in Devonshire, with all Sir Anth. Now d-n me! if ever I call you' my soul!
Jack again while I live!
Capt. A. Nay, sir, but bear me.
Sir Anth. Sir, I won't hear a word-not a word; Sir, I am delighted to see you here, and looking so not one word! so give me your promise by a nod. well !--your susiden arrival at Bath made me ap- And I'll tell you what, Jack-I mean, you dogprehensive for your health.
if you don't, by Sir Anth. Very apprehensive, I dare say, Jack. Capt. A. What, sir, promise to link myself to -Wbat, you are recruiting here, hey?
some mass of ugliness! Capt. A. Yes, sir. I am on duty.
Sir Anth. Z-ds, sirrah! the lady sball be as Sir Anth. Well, Jack, I am glad to see you, ugly as I chooso: she shall have a hump on each though I did not expect it; for I was going to shoulder: she shall be as crooked as the crescent; write to you on a little matter of business.-Jack, her one eye shall roll like the bull's in Cox's MuI have been considering that I grow old and infirm, seum. She shall have a skin like a mumny, and and sball probably not trouble you long.
the beard of a Jew. She shall be all this, sirrah ! Capt. A. Pardon me, sir, I never saw you look yet I'll make you ogle her all day, and sit up all more strong and hearty', and I pray ferveutly that night to write sonnets on her beauty. you may continue so.
Capt. A. This is reason and moderation, indeed! Sir Anth. I hope your prayers may be beard with Sir Anth. None of your sneering, puppy! no all my heart. Well then, Jack, I have been consi- grinning, jackanapes. dering that I am so strong and hearty, I may con- Capt. . Indeed, sir, I never was in a worse linve to plague vou a long time.- Now Jack, 1 humour for mirth in my life.
Sir Anth. 'Tis false, sir; I know you are laugh- my mistress's list-Captain Absolute; bowever, ing in your sleeve; I know you'll grin wlien I am I shall not enter his name till my purse has received gone, sirrah !
due notice in form. Sir Lucius is generally more Capt. A. Sir, I hope I know my duty better. punctual, when he expects to hear from his dear
Sir Anth. None of your passion, sir! none of Dalia, as he calls her :- I wonder he's not here ! your violence, if you please it won't do with me, I promise you.
Enter Sir Lucius O'TRIGGER. Capt. A. Indeed, sir, I was never cooler in my fe.
Sir L. Hah! my little ambassadress ; upon my Sir Anth. 'Tis a confounded lie!-I know you conscience I bave been looking for you; I have are in a passion in your heart; I know you are, been on the South Parade this half hour. you hypocritical young dog—but it won't do. Lucy. Speaking simply.) O gemini ; and I havo Capt. A. Nay, sir, upon my word
been waiting for your worship here on the North. Sir Anth. So you will fly out! can't you be cool, Sir L. 'Faith! may be, that was the reason we like me? What the devil good can passion do? did not meet; and it is very comical too, how you Passion is of no service, you impudent, insolent, could go out, and I not see you—for I was only over-bearing reprobate !—There, you sneer again! taking a nap at the Parade Coffee-house, and I ---don't provoke me! but you rely upon the mild-chose the window, on purpose that I might now ness of my temper-you do, you dog! you play miss you. upon the meekness of my disposition ! Yet, take Lucy. My stars ! Now I'd wager a sixpence I care—the patience of a saint may be overcome at went by while you were asleep. last !--but mark! I give you six hours and a half Sir L. Sure enough it must have been so; and I to consider of this: if you then agree, without any never dreamt it was so late, till I waked. Well condition, to do everything on earıh that I choose, but my little girl, have you got nothing for me? why-confound you! I may in time forgive you, Lucy. Yes, but I have-I've got a letter for you if not, z-ds! don't enter the same hemisphere in any pocket. with me ; don't dare to breathe the same air, or Sir L. l'faith! I guessed you weren't come use the same light with me; but get an atmo- empty-handed; well, let me see what the dear sphere and a sun of your own! I'll strip you of creature says. your commission ; I'll lodge a five-and-threepence Lucy. There, Sir Lucius. (Gives him a letter, in the bands of trustees, and you shall live on the Sir L. [Reads.] “ Sir,- There is often a sudden interest. I'll disown you, I'li disinherit you, I'll incentive impulse in love, that has a greater inunget you! and den me! if ever I call you Jack duction than years of domestic combination : such again!
[Erit. was the commotion I felt at the first superfluous Capt. A. Mild, gentle, considerate father! Î kiss view of Sir Lucius O’Trigger." Very pretty upon
my word! “ Female punctuation forbids me to say Enter Fag.
more! yet, let me add, that it will give me jog
infallible to find Sir Lucius worthy the last criteFag. Assuredly, sir, your father is wroth to a rion of my affections. degree; he comes down stairs eight or ten steps at
“ Yours, while meretricious, a time, muttering, growling, and thumping the ba
“ Della." nisters all the way ; I, and the cook's dog, stand Upon my conscience ! Lucy, your lady is a great bowing at the door-rap! be gives me a stroke on mistress of language ! 'Faith! she's quite the queeb the head with his cane; bids me carry that to my of the dictionary; for the devil a word dare refuse master; then kicking the poor turnspit into the coming at her call, though one would think it was area, d-ns us all for a puppy triumvirate!- Upon quite out of hearing. ms credit, sir, were I in your place, and found my father such very bad company, I should certainly
Lucy. Ay, sir, a lady of her experience. drop his acquaintance.
Sir L. Experience! what, at seventeen? Capt. A. Cease your impertinence, sir,did you stars ! how she will read off band !
Lucy. 0, true, sir--but then she reads so-my come in for nothing more? Stand out of the way. Sir L. 'Faith she must be very deep read, to
[Pushes him aside, and exit: write this way, though she is rather an arbitrary Fag. So! Sir Anthony trims my master: he is writer, too; for here are a great many poor words afraid to reply to his father, then vents his spleen pressed into the service of this note, that woul on poor Fag!' When one is vexed by one person, get their habeas corpus from any court in Christen to revenge one's self on another, who happens to dom. However, when affection guides the pen, come in ihe way, shows the worst of tempers, the he must be a brute who finds fault with the style. basest Enter Errand Boy.
Lucy. Ah ! Sir Lucius, if you were to hear how
she talks of you! Boy. Mr. Fag! Mr. Fag! your master calls Sir i. Oh, tell her, I'll make her the best hus. you,
band in the world, and Lady O'Trigger into the Fag, Well! you little, dirty puppy, you needn't bargain! But we must get the old gentlewoman's bawl so-the meanest disposition, the
consent, and do everything fairly. Boy. Quick ! quick! Mr. Fag.
Lucy. Nay, Sir Lucius, I thought you wa'n' Fag. Quick, quick ! you impudent jackanapes ! rich enough to be so nice. m 1 10 be commanded by you too, you little, im- Sir L. Upon my word, young woman, you have pertinent, insolent, kitchen-bred (Kicks him off. hit it: I am so poor, that I can't afford to do a
dirty action. If I did not want money, I'd steal SCENE 11.- The North Parade.
your mistress and her fortune with a great deal of Enter Lucy.
pleasure. However, my pretty girl, [Giving her
money] here's a little something to buy you a riLucy. Sc. I shall have another rival to add to band; and meet me in the evening, and I will giro