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you an answer to this. So, hussy, take a kiss be- Die, did I say? I'll live these fifty years to plague forehand, to put you in mind. [Kisses her. bim. At our last meeting, bis impudence had
Lucy. O lud ! Sir Lucius—I never see such a almost put me out of temper-an obstinate---pasgemman' My lady won't like you if you are so sionale---self-willed boy! Whom can be tuke after? impudent.
This is my return for getting him before all his Sir L. 'Falth she will, Lucy-that same--pbo! brothers and sisters! for putting bim at twelve what's the name of it?-modesty !—is a quality in rears old into a marching regiment, and allowing a lover more praised by the women than liked: him fifty pounds a year, besides his pay, ever so, if your mistress asks you whether Sir Lucius since ! But I bave done with him-he's any. erer gave you a kiss, tell her fifty, my dear. body's èon for me-I never will see bim more
Lucy. What, would you have me tell her a lie? never-never-never-never.
Sir L. Ab, then, you baggage! I'll make it a Capt. A. Now for a penitential face ! truth presently.
[Comes forward. Lucy. For shame now; here is some one coming. Sir Anth. Fellow, get out of my way' Sir L. O 'faith, I'll quiet your conscience ! Capt. A. Sir, you see a penitent before you.
[Sees Fag.- Erit, singing. Sir Anth. I see an impudent scoundrel before Enter Fac.
Capt. A. A sincere penitent. I am come, sir, Fag. So, so, ma’am; I humbly beg pardon. Lucy. O lud! now, Mr. Fag-you furry one so.
to acknowledge my error, and to submit entirely to Fag. Come, come, Lucy, here's no one by—so
Sir Anth. What's that? a little less simplicity, with a grain or two more sincerity, if you please. You play false with us, and considering on your past goodness, and kind
Capt. A. I have been revolving, and reflecting, madam. I saw you give the baronet a letter. My ness, and condescension to me. master shall know this; and if he don't call him
Sir Anth. Well, sir? out-I will. Lucy. Ha! ha! ha! you gentlemen's gentlemen balancing, what you were pleased to mention, con
Capt. A. I have been likewise weighing, and are so hasty! That letter was from Mrs. Mala- ceruing duty, and obedience, and authority, prop, simpleton. She is taken with Sir Lucius's address.
Sir Anth. Why, now you talk sense, absolute
sense! I never heard anyıhing more sensible in Fag. How! what taste some people have ! Wby, I suppose I have walked by her window an bundred my life. Confound you! you shall be Jack again. times. But what says our young lady ?-any mes.
Capt. A. I am happy in the appellation.
Sir Anth. Why then, Jack, my dear Jack, I will sage to my master! Lucy. Sad news, Mr. Fag! A worse rival than but your passion and violence, you silly fellow,
now inform you who the lady really is. Nothing Acres ! Sir Anthony Absolute bas proposed his prevented me telling you at first. Prepare, Jack,
for wonder and rapture-prepare. What think Fag. What, Captain Absolute ?
you of Miss Lydia Languish ? Lucy. Even so.-I overheard it all.
Capt. A. Languish! What the Languishes of Fag. Ha! ha! ha! very good, 'faith! Good
Worcestershire ? by, Lucy: I must away with this news.
Sir Anth. Worcestershire ! No. Did you never Lucy. Well, you may laugh, but it is true, J assure you. (Going.) But, Mr. Fag, tell your who caine into our country just before you were
meet Mrs. Malaprop and her niece, Miss Languislı, master not to be cast down by this.
last ordered to your regiment ? Fag. Oh, he'll be so disconsolate ! Luey. And charge him not to think of quarrel- ber ever to have heard the names before. Yet
Capt. A. Malaprop! Languish! I don't rememling with young Absolute.
stay, I think I do recollect something-Languish Fag. Never fear-never fear. Lucy. Be sure, bid him keep up bis spirits.
-Languish-She squints, don't she? A little
red-haired girl? Fag. We will-we will.
Sir Anth. Squints! A red-haired girl! 2---ds!
Capt, A. Then I must have forgot! it can't be the same person:
Sir Anth. Jack! Jack! what think you of bloomACT III.
ing, love-breathing seventeen?
Capt. A. As to that, sir, I am quite indifferent; SCENE I.-The North Parade.
if I can please you in the matter, 'tis all I desire.
Sir Anth. Nay, but Jack, such eyes ! such eyes ! Enter Captain ABSOLUTE.
so innocently wild! so bashfully irresolute! Not Capt. 4. 'Tis just as Fag told me, indeed! a glance buť speaks and kindles some thought of Whimsical enough, 'faith! My father wants to love! Then, Jack, ber cheeks! her cheeks! Jack! force me to marry the very girl I am plotting to so deeply blushing at the insinuations of her tell. run away with! He must not know of my con- tale eyes! Then, Jack, her lips! O, Jack, lips, bexion with her yet awhile. He has too sumniary smiling at their own discretion and, if not smiling, a method of proceeding in these matters; however, more sweetly pouting-mure lovely in sullenness? I'll read my recantation instantly. My conversion Then, Jach, her neck! 0, Jack ! Jack ! is something sudden, indeed; but I caó assure him,
Capt. A. And which is to be mine, sir, the niece it is very sincere. So, so, here he comes: he looks or the aunt? plaguy gruff.
Sir Anth. Why, you unfeeling, insensible puppy,
I despise you. When I was of your age, such a Enter Sir Anthony.
description would have made me fly like a rocket! Su Anth. No—I'll die sooner than forgive bim! the aunt, indeed! Odds life! when I ran awav
with your mother, I would vot have touched any
Enter Julia. thing old or ugly to gain an empire. Capt. A. Not to please your father, sir?
Jul. I had not hoped to see you again so soon. Sir Anth. To please my father-2- ds! not to Faulk. Could I, Julia, be contented with my first please-O, my father-Odso !-yes, yes; if my welcome, restrained, as we were, by the presence father, indeed, had desired—that's quite another of a third person? matter.— Though he wasn't the indulgent father Jul. Ob, Faulkland! when your kindness can that I am, Jack.
make me thus happy, let me not think that I have Capt. A. I dare say not, sir?
discovered something of coolness in your first saluSir Anth. But, Jack, you are not sorry to find ration. your mistress is so beautiful ?
Faulk. 'Twas but your fancy, Julia. I was reCapt. A. Sir, I eat it, if I please you in this joiced to see you-to seo you in such health : affair, 'tis all I desire. Not that I tbiok a woman sure I had nu cause for coldness. the worse for being handsome; but, sir, if you Jul. Nay, then, I see you have taken something please to recollect you before hinted something ill; you must not conceal from me what it is. about a hump or two, one eye, and a few more Faulk. Well, then, shall I own to you, that my graces of that kind-now, without being very nice, joy at hearing of your bealth and arrival here, by I own I should rather choose a wife of mine to your neighbour Acres, was somewhat damped, by bave the usual number of limbs, and a limited his dwelling much on the high spirits you had enquantity of back; and, though one eye may be joyed in Devonshire : on your mirth-your sing. very agreeable, yet, as the prejudice has always ing-dancing—and I know not what: for such is run in favour of two, I would not wish to affecí a my temper, Julia, that I should regard erery singularity in that article.
mirthful moment in your absenre, as a treason to Sir Anth. What a phlegmatic sot it is! Why, constancy. The mutual tear, that steals down the sirrah, you are an anchorite! A vile, insensible cheek of parting lovers, is a compact, that no stock! You a soldier! you're a walking block, smile shall live there till they meet again. fit only to dust the company's regimentals on! Jul. Must I never cease to tax my Faulkland Odds life, I have a great mind to marry the girl with this teasing, minute caprice! Can the idle myself!
reports of a silly boor weigh in your breast against Capt. A. I am entirely at your disposal, sir; if my tried affection? you should think of addressing Miss Languish Faulk. They have no weight wiib me, Julia : yourself, I suppose you would have me marry the no, no, I am happy, if you have been so-yet only aunt; or if you should change your mind, and take say that you did not sing with mirth-say that you the old lady, 'tis the same to me, I'll marry the thought of Faulkland in the dance. niece.
Jul. I never can be happy in your absence. If Sir Anth. Upon my word, Jack, thou art either I wear a countenance of content, it is to show that a very great hypocrite, or-but, come, I know your my mind holds no doubt of my Faulkland's truth. indifference on such a subject must be all a lie - Believe me, Faulkland, I mean not to upbraid you, I'm sure it must-come now, d-n your demure when I say, that I have often dressed sorrow in face; come, confess, Jack, you have been lying- smiles, lest my friends sbould guess whose unkindha’n't you? You have been playing the hypocrite, ness bad caused my tears. hey? I'll never forgive you, if you ha'n't been Faulk. You were ever all goodness to me! Oh, lying and playing the hypocrite.
I am a brute, when I but admit a doubt of your Capt. A. I'm sorry, sir, that the respect and true constancy! duty which I bear to you should be so mis- Jul. If ever without such cause from you, as I taken.
will not suppose possible, you find my affections Sir Anth. Hang your respect and duty! But, veering but a point, may I become a proverbial come along with me. I'll write a note to Mrs. scoff for levity and base ingratitude ! Malaprop, and you shall visit the lady directly. Faulk. Ah, Julia! that last word is yrating to Her eyes shall be the Promethean torch to you-me! I would I had no title to your gratitude ! cone along, I'l never forgive you, if you don't Search your heart, Julia : perbaps what you have come back stark mad with rapture and impatience mistaken for love, is but a warm effusion of a too il you don't, 'egad, I'll marry the girl myself. thankful heart!
[Ereunt. Jul. For what quality must I love you ?
Faulk. For no quality: to regard me for any SCENE II.- Julia's Dressing-room. quality of mind or understanding, were only to Enter FAULKLAND.
esteem me! And for person I have often wished
myself deformed, to be convinced that lowed no Faulk. They told me Julia would return di-obligation there for any part of your affection. rectly: I wonder she is not yet come!-How mean Jul. Where nature las bestowed a show of nice does this captious, unsatisfied temper of mine ap- attention in the features of a mau, he should laugh
vear to my cooler judgment! What tender, honest at it as misplaced. I have seen men, who in this droy sparkled in her eyes when we met ! How de vain article, perhaps, might rank above you ; but
licate was the warmth of her expressions !-I was my heart has never asked my eyes if it were so or ashamed to appear less happy, though I had come not. resolved to wear a face of coolness and upbraiding: Faulk. Now, this is not well from you, Julia. ! Sir An hony's presence preven ed my proposed despise person in a man, yet, if you lore me as I expostulations : yet I must be satisfied that she wish, though I were an Æthiop, you'd think none bas not been so very happy in my absence. She so fair, is coming -res, I know the nimbleness of her Jul. I s-e you are determined to be unkind. treal, when she thinks her impati nt Faulkland The contract, which my poor futher bound us in counts the inoments of her stay.
gives you more than a lorer's privilege.
Faulk. Again, Julia, you raise ideas that feeding-He is the very pine-apple of politeness ! and justify any doubts. How shall I be sure, had You are not ignorant, captain, that this giddy girl you remained unbound in thought or promise, that has, somehow, contrived to fix her affections on a Í should still bave been the object of your perse- beggarly, strolling, eves-dropping ensign, whom vering love?
none of us bave seen, and nobody nows anything Jul. Then try me now-Let us be free as stran- of. gers as to what is past : my heart will not feel Capt. A. Oh, I have heard the silly affair before. more liberty.
I'm not at all prejudiced against her on that acFaulk. There, now! so hasty, Julia ! so anxious count. But it must be very distressing, indeed, to be free! If your love for me were fixed and to you, ma'am. ardent, you would not loose your hold, even though Mrs. M. Oh, it gives me the hydrostatics to I wished it!
such a degree !- I thought she had persisted from Jul. Oh, you torture me to the heart! I cannot corresponding with him; but behold, this very bear it!
day, I have interceded another letter from the Faulk. I do not mean to distress you: if I loved fellow-I believe I have it in my pocket. you less, I should never give you an uneasy mo. Capt. A. O, the devil! my last note! [Aside. ment. I would not boast, yet let me say, that I Mrs. M. Ay, bere it is. have neitber age, person, nor character, to found Capt. A. Ay, my note, indeed! O, the little dislike on; my fortune such, as few ladies could traitress, Lucy!
[Aside. be charged with indiscretion in the match. O, Mrs. M. There, perhaps you may know the Julia! when love receives such countenance from writing.
[Gives him the letter. prudence, nice minds will be suspicious of its birth. Capt. A. I think I have seen tbe hand before
Jul, I know not whither your insinuations yes, I certainly must have seen this hand before. would tend; but as they seem pressing to insult Mrs. M. Nav, but read it, captain. me, I will spare you the regret of having done so- Capt. A. [Reads.).“ My soul's idol, my adored I have given no cause for this ! [Exit, crying. Lydia!"- Very tender, indeed.
Faulk. In tears! stay, Julia--stay, but for a mo- Mrs. M. Tender! ay, and profane too, o' my ment- The door is fastened ! Julia! my soul! but conscience ! for one moment !-I hear her sobbing ! 'Sdeath!
Capt. A. “ I am excessively alarmed at the inwhat a brute am I to use her thus!-yet stay-Ay, telligence you send me, the more so as my new she is coming now: how little resolution there is rival"in woman! how a few soft words can turn them ! Mrs. M. That's you, sir. [Sits dorn, and sings.] No, Z-ds! she's not Capt. A.“ Has universally the character of being coming, nor don't intend it, I suppose ! This is an accomplished gentleman, and a man of honour." not steadiness, but obstinacy! Yet I deserve it. Well, that's handsome enough. Wbat, after so long an absence, to quarrel with her Mrs. M. Oh, the fellow has some design in tenderness! 'lwas barbarous and unmanly!-1 writing so. should be ashamed to see her now.-l'll wait till Capt. A. That he had, I'll answer for him, her just resentment is abated, and when I distress ma'am. her so again, may I lose ber for ever. [Exit. Mrs. M. But go on, sir-you'll see presently.
Capt. A. “ As for the old weather-beaten she. SCENE III.--Mrs. Malaprop's Lodgings. dragon, who guards you"-Who can he mean by
that? Enter Mrs. MALAPROP, with a letter in her hand,
Mrs. M. Me, sir-me-he means me thereCaptain ABSOLUTE following.
what do you think now ?—but go on a little further. Mrs. M. Your being Sir Anthony's son, captain, Capt. A. Impudent scoundrel !" it shall go would itself be a sufficient accommodation; but hard but I will elude her vigilance; as I am told from the ingenuity of your appearance, I am con- that the same ridiculous vanity, which makes her vinced you deserve the character here given of you. dress up her coarse features, and deck her dull chat
Capt. A. Permit me to say, madam, that as 1 with hard words which she don't understand"have never yet had the pleasure of seeing Miss Mrs. M. There, sir, an attack upon my language! Languish, my principal inducement in this affair, what do you think of that?-an aspersion upon at present, is the honour of being allied to Mrs. my parts of speech! was ever such a brute! Sure Malaprop, of whose intellectual accomplishments, if I reprehend anything in this world, it is the elegant manners, and unaffected learning, no tongue use of my oracular tongue, and a nice derangement is silent.
of epitaphs. Mrs. M. Sir, you do me infinite bonour! I beg, Capt. A. He deserves to be hanged and quarter. captain, you'll be seated.- [Both sit.]—Ah! few ed ! let me see" same ridiculous vanity" – gentlemen, now-a-days, know how to value the Mrs. M. You need not read it again, sir! ineffectual qualities in a woman! few think how a Capt. A. I beg pardon, ma'am—"does also lay litile knowledge becomes a gentlewoman! Men ber open to the grossest deceptions from flattery hare no sense, now, but for the worthless flower and pretended admiration”-an impudent coxcomb of beauty.
-" so that I have a scheme to see you sbortly, Capt. A. It is but too true, indeed, ma'am ; yet with the old harridan's consent, and even to make I fear our ladies should share the blame; they her a go-between in our interviews.”- Was ever think our admiration of beauty so great, that know. such assurance ! ledge, in them, would be superfluous. Thus, like Mrs. M. Did you ever hear anything like it? garden trees, they seldom show fruit, till time has [They rise.) He'll elude my vigilance, will helrobbed them of the more specious blossoms: few, yes, yes!- ha! ba! he's very likely to enter these like Mrs. Malaprop, and the orange-tree, are rich doors !-we'll try who can plot best! In both at once.
Capt. A. So we will, ma'am-s0 we will.-Ha. Mrs. M. Sir, you overpower me with good breed-ba! ha! a conceited puppy! ha! ha! ha!-We
but Mrs. Malaprop, as the girl seems so infatuated away, bare passed myself on her for Captain Ab. by this fellow, suppose you were to wiuk at her solute. corresponding with bim for a little time-let her Lyd. Oh, charming!--and she really takes you even plot an elopement with bim-tben do you for young Absolute ? connive at her escape-while I, just in the nick, Capt. A. Oh, she's convinced of it. will have the fellow laid by the heels, and fairly Lyd. Ha! ha! ha! I can't forbear laughing, to contrive to carry her off in his stead.
think how ber sagacity is over-reached. Mrs. M. I am delighted with the scheme; never Capt. A. But we trifle with our precious mowas anything better perpetrated.
ments—such another opportunity may not occur; Capt. A. But, pray, could I not see the lady for then let me now conjure my kind, my condescenda few minutes now !__ I should like to try her tem-ing angel, to fix the time wben I may rescue her per a little.
from undeserved persecution, and, with a licensed Mrs. M. Why, I don't know ; I doubt she is not warmth, plead for my reward. prepared for a visit of this kind. There is a de. Lyd. Will you then, Beverley, consent to forfeit corum in tbese matters.
that portion of my paltry wealth-that burden o Capt. A. O Lord, she won't mind me!-only the wings of love? tell her, Beverley
Capt. A. Oh, come to me-rich only thus-in Mrs. M. Sir!
loveliness! Bring no portion to me but thy love; Capt. A. Gently, good tongue ! [Aside. 'twill be generous in you, Lydia; for well you Mrs. M. What did you say of Beverley? know, it is the only dower your poor Beverley can
Capt. A. Oh, I was going to propose that you repay. should tell her, by way of jest, that it was Bever- Lyd. How persuasive are his words! how charmley who was below-she'd come down fast enough ing will poverty be with him!
[Aside. then--ba! ha! ba !
Capt. A. By heavens, I would sing all goods of Mrs. M. 'Twould be a trick she well deserves ; fortune from me with a prodigal band, to enjoy besides, you know the fellow tells her he'll get my the scene where I might clasp my Lydia to my consent to see her-ha! ha! Let him, if he can, bosom, and say, the world affords po smile to me I say again. Lydia, come down here ! (Calling.] but here. [Embracing her.] If she holds out now, He'll make me a go-between in their interviews the devil is in it.
[ Aside. -ha! ha! ha! Come down, I say, Lydia! I don't Lyd. Now could I fly with him to the Antipodes wonder at your laughing-ba! ba! ha! his im- --but my persecution is not yet come to a crisis. pudence is truly ridiculous.
[Aside, Capt. A. 'Tis very ridiculous, upon my soul,
Enter Mrs. MALAPROP, listening. ma'am !-ha! ha! ha!
Mrs. M. The little hussy won't bear. Well, Mrs. M. I am impatient to know how the little I'll go and tell her at once who it is-sbe shall hussy deports herself.
[Aside. know that Captain Absolute is come to wait on Capt. A. So pensive, Lydia!-- is then your her. And I'll make ber behave as becomes a young warmth abated ?
Mrs. M. Warmth abated ?-50?-sbe has been Capt. A. As you please, ma'am.
in a passion, I suppose.
[Aside. Mrs. M. For the present, captain, your servant Lyd. No; nor ever can while I have life." --Ah, you're not done laughing yet, I see-elude Dirs. M. An ill-temper'd little devil !-She'll be my vigilance ! yes, yes-Ha! ha! ha! [Erit. in a passion all her life, will she !
[ Aside. Capt. A. Ha! ha! ha! one would think, now, Lyd. Let her choice be Captain Absolute, but that I might throw off all disguise at once, and Beverley is mine. seize my prize with security ; but such is Lydia's Mrs. M. I am astonished at her assurance !-to caprice, that, to undeceive, were probably to lose his face-this to his face !
Aside. her. I'll see whether she koows me.
Capt. A. Thus, then, let me enforce my suit. (Walks aside, surveying the pictures.
(Kneeling. Mrs. M. Ay—poor young man !--down on his Enter Lydia.
knees, entreating for pity! -1 can contain no Lyd. What a scene am I now to go through ! longer. [ Aside.] - Why, thou vixen! I have over. surely nothing can be more dreadful than to be heard you. obliged to listen to the loathsome addresses of a Capt. A. Oh, confound her vigilance ! [Aside. stranger to one's heart. I have heard of girls per- Mrs. M. Captain Absolute
-I know not how to secuted, as I am, wbo bave appealed in behalf of apologize for her shocking rudeness. their favoured lover to the generosity of his rival : Capt. A. So, all's safe I find. [Aside.]—I have suppose I were to try it--there stands the hated hopes, madam, that time will bring the young rival—an officer, too! but, oh, how unlike my Be. ladyverley! I wonder he don't begin-truly, he seems Mrs. M. O, there's nothing to be hoped for from a very negligent wooer!--quite at his ease, upon her! she's as beadstrong as an allegory on the my word! I'll speak first-Mr. Absolute ! banks of the Nile. Capt. A. Ma'am.
[Turns round. Lyd. Nay, madam, what do you charge me with Lyd. O heavens! Beverley!
now? Capt. A. Hush ! husb, my life! softly! be not Mrs. M. Why, thou unblushing rebel-didn't surprised!
you tell this gentleman to his face, that you loved Lyd. I am so astonished ! and so terrified ! and another better ?-didn't you say you never would so overjoyed! For Heaven's sake, how came you be his? bere?
Lyd. No, madam, I did not. Capt. A. Briefly. I have deceived your aunt. I Mrs. M. Good heavens, what assurance !-Lydia, was informed that my new rival was to visit here Lydia, you ought to know that lying don't become this evening, and, contriving to have him kepti a young woman! Dida't you boast that Beverley
that stroller, Beverley-possessed your heart ? ! Tell me that, I say.
Enter Sir Lucius. Lyd. "Tis true, ma'am, and none but Beverley— Sir L. Mr. Acres. I am delighted to see you.
Mrs. M. Hold !-hold, assurance !-you shall Acres. My dear Sir Lucius, 1 kiss your hands. not be so rude.
Sir L. Pray, my friend, what has brought you so Capt. A. Nay, pray, Mrs. Malaprop, don't stop suddenly to Bath? the young lady's speech :-she's very welcome to Acres: 'Faith, I have followed Cupid's jack-atalk thus—it does not hurt me in the least, I assure | lantern, and find myself in a quagmire at last!—In
sbort, I bave been very ill-used, Sir Lucius. I Mrs. M. You are too good, captain--too amiably don't choose to mention names, but look on me as patient:- but come with me, miss-let us see you a very ill-used gentleman. again soon, captain--remember what we have Siri 2. Pray, what is the cause ?-I ask no fised. Capt. A. I shall, ma'am.
Acres. Mark me, Sir Lucius; I fall as deep as Mrs. M. Come, take a graceful leave of the gen. need be in love with a young lady—her friends tleman.
take my part-I follow her to Bath-send word of Lyd. May every blessing wait on my Beverley, my arrival; and receive answer, that the lady is y loved Bev [Mrs. M. prevents her speaking. to be otherwise disposed of. This, Sir Lucius, I Mrs. M. Hussy !--- Come along-come along. call being ill-used. (Eseunt Capt. ABSOLUTE, kissing his hand to Sir L. Very ill, upon my conscience !—Pray, Lydia-Mrs. Malaprop and LydIA. can you divine the cause of it?
dcres. Why, there's the matter : she has another SCENE IV.--Acres' Lodgings.
lover, one Beverley, who, I am told, is now in
Bath.-Odds slanders and lies, he must be at the Acres and David discovered ; Acres just dressed. bottom of it.
Sir L. A rival in the case, is there? and you Acres. Indeed, David-dress does make a dif- think he has supplanted you unfairly? ference, David.
Acres. Unfairly! to be sure he has. He never Dav. 'Tis all in all, I think-difference? why, could have done it fairly. an' you were to go now to Clod Hall, I am certain Sir L. Then sure you know what is to be done? the old lady wouldn't know you : master Butler Acres. Not I, upon my soul ! wouldn't believe his own eyes, and Mrs. Pickle Sir L. We wear no swords bere, but you under. would cry, “ Lard presarve me!” our dairy-maid stand me? would come giggling to the door, and I warrant Acres. What! fight him ! Dolly Tester, your honour's favourite, would blush Sir L. Ay, to be sure : what can I mean else? like my waistcoat. Oons! I'll hold a gallon, there Acres. But he has given me no provocation. an't a dog in the house but would bark, and I Sir L. Now, I think he has given you the greatquestion whether Pbillis would wag a hair of her est provocation in the world. Can a man commit tail !
a more heinous offence against another, than to fall Acres. Ay, David, there's nothing like polishing. in love with the same women? Oh, by my soul,
Dav. So I says of your honour's boots; but the it is the most unpardonable breach of friendship. boy never heeds me!
Acres. Breach of friendship! Ay, ay; but I have Acres. But David, has Mr. de la Grace been no acquaintance with this man. I never saw him bere! I must rub up my balancing, and chasing, in all my life. and boring.
Sir L. That's no argument at all—he has the Dar. I'll call again, sir.
less right then to take such a liberty. Acres. Do; and see if there are any letters for Acres. 'Gad, that's true-I grow full of anger, me at the Post-office.
Sir Lucius !-I fire apace; odds hilts and blades ! Dav. I will. By the mass, I can't help looking I find a man may have a deal of valour in bim, and at your bead ! if I hadn't been at the cooking, I not know it!-But couldn't I contrive to have a wish I may die if I should have known the dish little right on my side ? again myself.
[Exit. Sir L. What the devil signifies right when your (Acres comes forward with a dancing step. bonour is concerned ? do you think Achilles, or my Acres. Sink, slide--coupée-Confound the first little Alexander the Great, ever inquired where the inventors of cotillions, say I !— they are as bad as right lay? No, by my soul, they drew their broad algebra to us country gentlemen-I can walk a mi- swords, and left the lazy sons of peace to settle the nuet easy enough, when I am forced—and I bave justice of it. been accounted a good stick in a country dance. Acres. Your words are a grenadier's march to my Odds jigs and tabors !-- never valued your cross- heart! I believe courage must be catching !-I over to couple-figure in-right and left-and I'd certainly do feel a kind of valour arising, as it foot it with e'er a captain in the country !-but were-a kind of courage, as I may say-Odds these outlandish heathen allemandes and cotillions flints, pans, and triggers! I'll challenge him diare quite beyond me!-I shall never prosper at rectly. them, that's sure-mine are true-born English legs Sir L. Ah! my little friend ! if we had Blun--they don't understand their cursed French lingo! derbuss Hall here, I could show you a range of their pas this, and pas that, and pas t'other! damn ancestry, in the O'Trigger line, that would furnish me! my feet don't like to be called paws ! the New Room, every one of whom bad killed his
man !- For though the mansion-house and dirty Enter Servant.
acres have slipped through my fingers, I thank Sere. Here is Sir Lucius O'Trigger to wait on Heaven, our lionour and the family pictures are us you, sir.
fresh as ever. Acres. Show him in.
[Erit Servant. Acres. Oh, Sir Lucius, I have bad ancestors too!