Mel. O my word, Brisk, that was a home thrust: you have silenced him. Care. Was the ever such a fury! us! prod. What followed? mel. It was long before either of us q Brisk. Oh! my dear Mellefont, let me perish, if thou art not the soul of conversation, the very ession had tied her tongue, and amazementm sence of wit, and spirit of wine.fy Theuce take short, the consequence was thus: she me, if there were three good wings said, or one thing that the most violent love could understood, since the ptation from the body of tender words express; which when she m he! think that's pretty and effect, but still I pleaded honour and mes our society tal enough: egad! I could not have said blood to my uncle, then came the storm li Out of thy company Careless, eh! first; for, starting from my bed-side, et Care, Hum! ay, what is it? flew to my sword, and with much ads, Ip her doing me or herself a mischief. H armed her, in a gust of passion she left m a resolution, confirmed by a thousand cus close her eyes till they had seen my run Brisk. Oh, mon caur? What is it! Nay, 'gad! I'll punish you for want of apprehension; the deuce take me if I tell you." *|| Mel, No, no; hang him, he has no taste. But, dear Brisk, excuse me; I have a little business. Care, Prythee, get thee gone; thou seest we are . αιτίους. Mel. We'll come immediately, if you'll but go in, and keep up good humour and sense in the company: prythee, do; they'll fall asleep else. Care. Exquisite woman! But, what does she think thou hast no more sense thus inherit thyself? For, as I take it, this upon you is with a proviso that your uncle children. Me!. It is so. Well, the service you an Brisk. Egad: so they will. Well, I will, I will: me will be a pleasure to yourself. I mus gad! you shall command me from the zenith to the to engage my Lady Pliant all this evening nadir. But, the deuce take me, if I say a good thing pious aunt may not work her to her interst till you come. But, pr'ythee, dear rogue, make if you chance to secure her to yourself, y haste; prythee make haste, I shall burst else. incline her to mine. She's handsome, and Ins And yonder your uncle, my Lord Touchwood, it; is very silly, and thinks she has sense; and is swears he'll disinherit you; and Sir Paul Pliant an old fond husband. threatens to disclaim you for a son-in-law; and my Lord Froth won't dance at your wedding to-morrow; nor, the deuce take me, I won't write your epithalamium; and see what a condition you're like to be brought to. Mel. Well, I'll speak but three words, and follow "Care. Pert coxcomb! Mel. "Faith! "tis a good-natured coxcomb, and has very entertaining follies: you must be more humane to him; at this juncture it will do me service. I'll tell you, I would have mirth continued this day at any rate; though patience purchase folly, and attention be paid with noise: there are times when sense may be unseasonable, as well as truth. Pr'ythee, do thou wear none to-day; but allow Brisk to have wit, that thou may'st seem a fool. Care. Why, how now? Why this extravagant proposition? Mel. Oh! I would have no room for serious design, for I am jealous of a plot. I would have noise and impertinence keep my Lady Touchwood's head from working. Care. I thought your fear of her had been over. Is not to-morrow appointed for your marriage with Cynthia ? and her father, Sir Paul Pliant, come to settle the writings this day, on purpose? Care. I confess, a very fair on fir a lover to build upon. Mel. For my Lord Froth, he and his vile vil be sufficiently taken up with admiring n má and Brisk's gallantry, as they call it P my uncle myself; and Jack Maskwell has prair me to watch my aunt narrowly, and give me e upon any suspicion. As for Sir Paul, father-in-law that is to be, my dear Cynthis he such a share in his fatherly fondness, he w scarce make her a moment uneasy to have her hap hereafter. Care. So, you hare manned your works; but I wish you may not have the weakest guard where the enemy is strongest. Mel. Maskwell, you mean? Prythee, why shoul you suspect him? Care. Faith! I cannot help it: you know, I never liked him; I am a little superstitions in pl siognomy. Mel. He has obligations of gratitude to bind Care. Upon your aunt, you mean. Care. I'm mistaken if there be not a familiarity Mel. Pooh, pooh nothing in the world but i Mel. True; but you shall judge whether I have design to do me service; and he endeavours to not reason to be alarmed. None, besides you and well in her esteem, that he may be able to effect it Maskwell, are acquainted with the secret of my Care. Well, I shall be glad to be mistaken; aunt Touchwood's violent passion for me. Since your aunt's aversion, in her revenge, cannot be a my first refusal of her addresses, she has endea-way so effectually shewn as in promoting a m voured to do me all ill offices with my uncle; yet to disinherit you. She is handsome and cam has managed them with that subtilty, that to him they have borne the face of kindness; while her malice, like a dark lanthorn, only shone upon me, where it was directed: but whether urged by her despair, and the short prospect of time she saw to accomplish her designs; whether the hopes of revenge, or of her love, terminated in the view of this my marriage with Cynthia, I know not; but this morning she surprised me in my own chamber. and naturally amorous; Maskwell is flesh and ord TOUCHWOOD, Sir PAUL PLIANT, Lord friends of mine that write; but, egad! I love to be true, it makes against wit, and I'm sorry for some FROTH, and BRISK. T. Out upon it, nephew! leave your fatherand me to maintain our ground against young I beg your lordship's pardon; we were just ag P. Were you, son? Gadsbud! much better Good, strange! I swear I'm almost tipsy; bottle would have been too powerful for me, as can be, it would. We wanted your com but Mr. Brisk, where is he? I swear and vow most facetious person, and the best company; my Lord Froth, your lordship is so merry a He, he, he! d F. Oh, fie! Sir Paul, what do you mean? ! Oh, barbarous! I'd as lieve you called me P. Nay, I protest and vow, now, 'tis true; Mr. Brisk jokes, your lordship's laugh does come you! He, he, he! rd F. Ridiculous! Sir Paul, you're strangely ken. I find champagne is powerful. I assure Sir Paul, I laugh at nobody's jest but my own, lady's; I assure you, Sir Paul. Lord T., MELLEFONT, and CARELESS talk apart. risk. How? how, my lord? What, affront my Let me perish, do I never say anything. thy to be laughed at? ord F. Oh, fie! don't misapprehend me: I don't so; for I often smile at your conceptions. But re is nothing more unbecoming a man of quality n to laugh; 'tis such a vulgar expression of the sion! everybody can laugh. Then, especially, laugh at the jest of an inferior person, or when ybody else of the same quality does not laugh h him: ridiculous! to be pleased with what cases the crowd! Now, when I laugh, I always ugh alone. Brisk. I suppose that's because you laugh at your n jests, egad! Ha, ha, ha! Lord F. He, he! I swear, though, your raillery rovokes me to a smile. Brisk. Ay, my lord, it's a sign I hit you in the eeth, if you shew them. Lord F. He, he, he! I swear, that's so very retty, I can't forbear. Lord T. Sir Paul, if you please, we'll retire to he ladies, and drink a dish of tea to settle our eads malicious. Nay, deuce take me, there's wit in't, too; and wit must be foiled by wit: cut a diamond with a diamond; no other way, egad! Lord F. Oh! I thought you would not be long before you found out the wit. Care. Wit in what? Where the devil's the wit, in not laughing when a man has a mind to't? Brisk. Oh Lord! why, can't you find it out? Why, there 'tis, in the not laughing. Don't you apprehend me? My lord, Careless is a very honest fellow; but, harkye!-you understand me--somewhat heavy; a little shallow, or so. Why, I'll tell you now: suppose now you come up to me-nay, pr'ythee, Careless, be instructed-suppose, as I was saying, you come up to me, holding your sides, and laughing as if you would-Well, I look grave, and ask the cause of this immoderate mirth: you laugh on still, and are not able to tell me : still I look grave; not so much as smile Care. Smile! no; what the devil should you smile at, when you suppose I can't tell you ? Brisk. Psha, psha! pr'ythee, don't interrupt me: but I tell you, you shall tell me at last; but it shall be a great while first. Care. Well, but pr'ythee, don't let it be a great while, because I long to have it over. Brisk. Well, then, you tell me some good jest, or very witty thing, laughing all the while as if you were ready to die, and I hear it, and look thus; would not you be disappointed? Care. No; for if it were a witty thing, I should not expect you to understand it. Lord F. Oh, fie! Mr. Careless; all the world allows Mr. Brisk to have wit: my wife says he has a great deal; I hope you think her a judge. Brisk. Pooh! my lord, his voice goes for nothing. I can't tell how to make him apprehend. Take it t'other way: suppose I say a witty thing to you. [TO CARELESS. Care. Then I shall be disappointed, indeed. Brisk. I'm sorry for him, the deuce take me! Mel. Or, what say you to another bottle of champagne? Lord F. Oh! for the universe, not a drop more, Sir P. With all my heart. Mr. Brisk, you'll I beseech you. Oh! intemperate! I have a flushcome to us or call me when you're going to joke;ing in my face already. 'll be ready to laugh incontinently. [Exit with Lord T. Lord F. Oh! no. Never laugh, indeed, sir. Lord F. To distinguish myself from the com- Lord F. I confess I did myself some violence at first; but now I think I have conquered it. Brisk. Let me perish, my lord, but there is something very particular and novel in the humour; 'tis [Takes out a pocket-glass and looks in it. Brisk. Let me see, let me see, my lord. I broke my glass that was in the lid of my snuff-box. Hum! Deuce take me, I have encouraged a pimple here, [Takes the glass and looks in it. Lord F. Then you must fortify him with a patch; my wife shall supply you. Come, gentlemen, allons! [Exeunt. too. Enter MASKWELL and Lady TOUCHWOOD. Lady T. I'll hear no mo more. You're false and ungrateful; come, I know you false. Mask. I have been frail, I confess, madam, for your ladyship's service. Lady T. That I should trust a man whom I had known betray his friend! Mask.. What friend have I betrayed? or to whom? Lady T. Your fond friend, Mellefont, and to me; can you deny it? ACTING DRAMA. Lady T. Have you not wronged my lord, who has been a father to you in your wants, and given you being? Have you not wronged him in the highest manner? supraboose Mask. With your ladyship's help, and for your service, as I told you before; I can't deny that neither. Anything more, madam Paja 1-44 Lady T. More, audacious villain! Oh! what's more is most my shame. Have you not dishonoured me?" Mask. No, that I deny; for I never told in all my life; so that accusation's answered: on to the edged young Mellefont upon the brinke Mask. Nay, madam, I'm gone, if Lady T. How! what said you, Lady T. Death! do you dally with my passion ? Insolent devil! But have a care; provoke me not; you shall not escape my vengeance. Calm villain! how unconcerned he stands, confessing treachery and ingratitude! Is there a vice more black? Oh! I have excuses, thousands, for my faults: fire in my Lady T. Oh! Maskwell, in vain do li temper; passions in my soul, apt to every provocame from thee; thou knowest me; knoweto tion; oppressed at once with love and with despair. inmost windings and recesses But a sedate, a thinking villain, whose black blood Mellefont !~~~Married to-morrow!—Desp »runs temperately bad, what excuse can clear? | me. Yet my soul knows I hate him, Mask. Will you be in temper, madam? I would but once be mine, and next immediate not talk to be heard. I have been a very great him. rogue for your sake, and you reproach me with it; I am ready to be a rogue still to do you service; and you are flinging conscience and honour in my face, to rebate my inclinations. How am I to behave myself? You know I am your creature; my life and fortune in your power; to disoblige you brings me certain ruin. Allow it, I would betray you, I would not be a traitor to myself: I don't pretend to honesty, because you know I am a rascal: but I would convince you, from the necessity of my being firm to you. T Lady T. Necessity, impudence! Can no gratitude încline you? no obligations touch you? Were you not in the nature of a servant ? and have not I, in effect, made you lord of all, of me, and of my lord? Where is that bumble love, the languishing, that adoration which was once paid me, and everlastingly engaged? Mask. Fixed, rooted in my heart, whence nothing can remove them ; yet you— Lady T. Yet! what yet? Mask, Nay, misconceive me not, madam, when I say I have had a generous and a faithful passion, which you had never favoured but through revenge and policy. Lady T. Ha! Mask. Look you, madam, we are alone, pray contain yourself, and hear me. You know you loved your nephew when I first sighed for you; I quickly found it: an argument that I loved; for, with that art you veiled your passion, 'twas imperceptible to all but jealous eyes. This discovery made me bold, I confess it; for by it I thought you in my power: your nephew's scorn of you added to my hopes; I watched the occasion, and took you, just repulsed by him, warm at once with love and indignation; your disposition, my arguments, and happy opportunity, accomplished my design. How I have loved you since, words have not shewn; then how should words express? Lady T. Well, mollifying devil! and have I not met your love with forward fire? | T Mask, Your zeal, I grant, was ardent, but miss placed; there was revenge in view; that woman's idol had defiled the temple of the god, and love was made a mock-worship. A son and heir would have Mask. Compose yourself; you I Mask. You have already been tame Lady T. I have: she is ready for my mana Mask. She must be thoroughly permaki ist Lady T. She is so credulous that way natuak, Mask. I know it. I don't depend upon it; but it will prepare something else, and gain os leisure to lay a stronger plot; if I gain a little time, I al not want contrivance. One minute gives intention to destroy ACT II. SCENE L-The same. Enter Lady FRoth and CYNTHIA. Cyn. Indeed, madam! is it possible your ladyship could have been so much in love? Lady F. I could not sleep; I did not sleep one wink for three weeks together. sig, dan Cyn. Prodigious! I wonder want of sleep, and so much love, and so much wit as your ladyship has, did not turn your brain. **** |~~ Lady F. Oh! my dear Cynthia, you mi rally your friend. But, really, as you say, I der, too. But then, I had a way; for, between y and I, I had whimsies and vapours; but I gav them vent. ar Cyn. How, pray, madam Write what? F. Songs, elegies, satires, encomiums, ies, lampoons, plays, or heroic poems. Oh Lord! not I, madam: I'm coutent to be ous reader. F. Oh, inconsistent! In love, and not If my lord and I had been both of your we should never have come together. Oh! e! what a sad thing would that have been, ord and I should never have met! Then neither my lord nor you would ever et with your match, on my conscience. F. On my conscieuce, no more we should; v'st right; for sure, my Lord Froth is as gentlenian, and as much a man of quality!— othing at all of the common air. I think I ay he wants nothing but a blue ribbon and a o make him shine the very phosphorus of our phere. Do you understand those two hard ? If you don't, I'll explain them to you. n. Yes, yes, madam, I'm not so ignorant. At I won't own it, to be troubled with your inions. Aside. dy F. Nay, I beg your pardon; but being defrom the Greek, I thonght you might have ed the etymology. But I'm the more amazed, nd you a woman of letters, and not write. Bless how can Mellefont believe you love him? n. Why, 'faith! madam, he that won't take word shall never have it under my hand. ady F. I vow, Mellefont's a pretty gentleman; methinks he wants a manner. yn. A manner! what's that, madam? Lady F. Some distinguishing quality; as, for mple, the bel air, or brilliant, of Mr. Brisk; the mnity, yet complaisance, of my lord; or someng of his own, that he should look a little je ne quoi-ish; he is too much a mediocrity, in my id. Cyn. He does not, indeed, affect either pertness formality; for which I like him: here he comes. Lady F. And my lord with him: pray, observe → difference. Enter Lord FROTH, MELLEFONT, and BRISK. Cyn. Impertinent creature! I could almost be ngry with her now. [Aside. Lady F. My lord, I have been telling Cynthia ow much I have been in love with you; I swear I ave; I'm not ashamed to own it now; ah! it akes my heart leap; I vow I sigh when I think n't. My dear lord-ha, ha, ha!-do you remem-er, my lord? [Squeezes him by the hand, looks kindly on him, sighs, and then laughs out. Lord F. Pleasant creature! Perfectly well. Ah! hat look; ay, there it is; who could resist? 'Twas so my heart was made a captive first, and ever since It has been in love with happy slavery. Brisk. Never anything-but your ladyship, let me perish. Lady F. Oh! prettily turned again! let me die but you have a great deal of wit. Mr. Mellefont, don't you think Mr. Brisk has a world of wit? Mel. Oh! yes, madam. Brisk. Oh dear! madam. Lady F. An infinite deal. Brisk. Oh heavens! madam. Lady F. More wit than anybody. Brisk. I'm everlastingly your humble servant, deuce take me, madam. Lord F. Don't you think us a happy couple? Cyn. I vow, my lord, I think you are the happiest couple in the world; for you're not only happy in one another, and when you are together, but happy in yourselves, and by yourselves. Lord F. I hope Mellefont will make a good husband, too. Cyn. Tis my interest to believe he will, my lord. Lord F. D'ye think he'll love you as well as I do my wife? I'm afraid not. Cyn. I believe he'll love me better. Lord F. Heavens! that can never be: but why do you think so? Cyn. Because he has not so much reason to be fond of himself. Lord F. Oh! your humble servant for that, dear madam. Well, Mellefont, you'll be a happy creature. Mel. Ay, my lord, I shall have the same reason for my happiness that your lordship has, I shall think myself happy. Lord F. Ah! that's all. Brisk. Your ladyship is in the right: [To Lady F.] but, egad! I'm wholly turned into satire. I confess I write but seldom; but when I do keen iambics, egad! But my lord was telling me, your ladyship has made an essay toward an heroic poem. Lady F. Did my lord tell you? Yes, I vow, and the subject is my lord's love to me. And what do you think I call it ? I dare swear you won't guess -The Syllabub. Ha, ha, ha! Brisk. Because my lord's title's Froth, egad! Ha, ha, ha! Deuce take me! very apropos and surprising. Ha, ha, ha! Lady F. Eh! ay, is not it? And then, I call my lord, Spumoso; and myself—what d'ye think I call myself? Brisk. Lactilla, may be: 'gad! I cannot tell. Lady F. Biddy, that's all; just my own name. Brisk. Biddy! Egad! very pretty: deuce take if your ladyship has not the art of surprising the most naturally in the world. I hope you'll make me happy in communicating the poem. me, Lady F. Oh! you must be my confidant. I must ask your advice. Brisk. I'm your humble servant, let me perish. I presume your ladyship has read Bossu? Lady F. Oh! that tongue, that dear deceitful tongue! that charming softness in your mien and your expression! and then your bow! Good, my Lady F. Oh! yes; and Rapin, and Dacier upon ford, bow as you did when I gave you my picture. Aristotle and Horace. My lord, you must not be Here, suppose this my picture. [Gives him a pocket-jealous, I'm communicating all to Mr. Brisk. glass.] Pray, mind my lord; ah! he bows charmingly. Lord FROTH bows profoundly lone, then kisses the glass.] Nay, my lord, you sha'n't kiss it so much; I shall grow jealous, I vow now. Lord F. I saw myself there, and kissed it for your sake. Lady F. Ah! gallantry to the last degree. Mr. Brisk, you're a judge; was ever anything so well bred as my lord? Lord F. No, no; I'll allow Mr. Brisk. Have you nothing about you to show him, my dear? Lady F. Yes, I believe I have. Mr. Brisk, come, will you go into the next room? and there I'll show you what I have. [Erit with BRISK. Lord F. I'll walk a turn in the garden, and come [Erit. to you. Mel. You're thoughtful, Cynthia. man and wife one flesh, it leaves them still two then: I am convinced, as far as passion will perfools; and they become more conspicuous by setting mit. [Sir P. and Lady P. come up to MELLEFONE. Lady P. Inhuman and treacherous off one another. Mel. That's only when two fools meet, and their follies are opposed, Cyn. Nay, I have known two wits meet, and by the opposition of their wit, render themselves as ridiculous as fools. Matrimony is a hazardous game to engage in. What think you of drawing stakes, and giving over in time? Sir P. Thou serpent and first tempter of woman kind Cyn. Bless me! sir-madam-what mean you? Sir P. Thy, Thy, come away, Thy; touch him not: come hither, girl: go not near him, there's nothing but deceit about him; snakes are in his 3-looks, and the crocodile of Nilus in his wicked ap petite; he would devour thy fortune, and starve thee alive. Mel. No, hang it, that's not endeavouring to win, because it's possible we may lose; since we have shuffled and cut, let's e'en turn up trump now. Cyn. Then I find it's like cards; if either of us have a good hand, it is an accident of fortune. Mel. No, marriage is rather like a game at bowls; fortune, indeed, makes the match, and the two nearest, and sometimes the two furthest are together; but the game depends entirely upon judgment. Cyn. Still it is a game, and, consequently, one of us must be a loser. Mel. Not at all; only a friendly trial of skill, and the winnings to be laid out in an entertainment. Enter Sir PAUL and Lady PLIANT. Sir P. Gadsbud! I am provoked into a fermenta tion, as my Lady Froth says. Was ever the like read of in story? Lady P. Sir Paul, have patience, let me alone to rattle him up. Sir P. Pray, your ladyship, give me leave to be angry; I'll rattle him up, I warrant you; I'll teach nim, with a certiorari, to make love to my wife. Lady P. You teach him! I'll teach him myself; so, pray, Sir Paul, hold you contented. Sir P. Hold yourself contented, my Lady Pliant; I find passion coming upon me even to desperation, and I cannot submit as formerly, therefore give way. Lady P. How now? will you be pleased to retire, and Sir P. No, marry, will I not be pleased; I am pleased to be angry, that's my pleasure at this time. Mel. What can this mean? Lady P. Dishonourable, impudent creature! Mel. For heaven's sake, madam, to whom do you direct this language? Lady P. Have I behaved myself with all the decorum and nicety befitting the person of Sir Paul's wife; have I preserved my honour as it were in snow-house; have I, I say, preserved myself like a fair sheet of paper, for you to make a blot upon? Sir P. And she shall make a simile with any woman in England. Mel. I am so amazed, I know not what to say. || Sir P. Do you think my daughter-this pretty creature Gadsbud! she's a wife for a cherubim Do you think her fit for nothing but to be a stalking-horse, to stand before you while you take aim at my wife? Gadsbud! I was never angry before in my life, and I'll never be appeased again. Mel. Confusion! this is my aunt; such malice Jobs (Aside. can be engendered no where else. Lady P. Sis Paul, take Cynthia from his sight; leave me to strike him with the remorse of his intended crime. Cyn. Pray, sir, stay; hear him; I dare affirm he's innocent. Sir P. Innocent! why, harkye! come hither, Thy; harkye! I had it from his annt, my sister Touchwood, Gadsbud! he does not care a farthing for anything of thee, but thy portion; why, he's in love with my wife; he would have tantalized thee, and dishonoured thy poor father, and that would certainly have broken my heart. I'm sure, if ever I should have horns, they would kill me; they would Lady P. 'Gads my life! the man's distracted. never come kindly; I should die of 'em, like any Why, how now! who are you? What am I? Slid-child that was cutting his teeth; I should, indeed, ikins! can't I govern you? What did I marry you Thy; therefore, come away; but Providence has for? Am I not to be absolute and uncontrollable? prevented all, therefore, come away when I bid you. Is it fit a woman of my spirit and conduct should Cyn. I must obey. [Exit with Sir P. be contradicted in a matter of this concern? Sir P. It concerns me, and only me; besides, I'm not to be governed at all times. When I am in tranquillity, my Lady Pliant shall command Sir Paul; but when I'm provoked to fury, I cannot incorporate with patience and reason; as soon may tigers match with tigers, lambs with lambs, and every creature couple with its foe, as the poet says. Lady P. He's hot-headed still! "Tis in vain to talk to you; but remember I have a curtain-lecture for you, you disobedient, headstrong brute. Lady P. Oh! such a thing! the impiety of it startles me; to wrong so good, so fair a creature, and one that loves you tenderly: 'tis a barbarity of barbarities, and nothing could be guilty of it— Mel. But the greatest villain imagination can form, I grant it; and next to the villany of such a fact, is the villany of aspersing me with the guilt How? which way was I to wrong her? for yet I understand you not. Lady P. Why, gads my life! cousin Mellefont, you cannot be so peremptory as to deny it, when I tax you with it to your face; for, now Sir Paul's Sir P. No, 'tis because I won't be headstrong; because I won't be a brute, and have my head for-gone, you are corum nobus. tified, that I am thus exasperated. But I will protect my honour: and yonder is 'the violator of my fame. Lady P. 'Tis my honour that is concerned, and the violation was intended to me. Your honour! you have none, but what is in my keeping, and II can dispose of it when I please; therefore, don't provoke me. Sir P. Hum! gadsbud! she says true. [Aside.] Well, my lady, march on; I will fight under you, Mel. By heaven, I love her more than life, Lady P. Fiddle, faddle! don't tell me of this that, and everything in the world; but give mathemacular demonstration, answer me directly. But I have not patience. Oh! the impiety of it, was saying, and the unparalleled wickedness! Oh, merciful father! how could you think nature so, to make the daughter the means of i curing the mother! Mel. The daughter procure the mother! |