Tony. He-he-hem! - Then gentlemen, all I have to tell you is, that you won't reach Mr. Hardcastle's house this night, I believe. Tony. It's a damn'd long, dark, boggy, dirty, dangerous 5 way. Stingo, tell the gentlemen the way to Mr. Hardcastle's! (Winking upon the Landlord.) Mr. Hardcastle's, of Quagmire Marsh, you understand me? Land. Master Hardcastle's! Lock-a-daisy, my masters, you're come a deadly deal wrong! When you came 10 to the bottom of the hill, you should have cross'd down Squash-Lane. Marl. Cross down Squash-Lane! Land. Then you were to keep straight forward, till you came to four roads. Marl. Come to where four roads meet! Tony. Ay; but you must be sure to take only one of them. Marl. O Sir, you're facetious. 15 Tony. Then keeping to the right, you are to go side- 20 ways till you come upon Crack-skull common: there you must look sharp for the track of the wheel, and go forward till you come to farmer Murrain's barn. Coming to the farmer's barn you are to turn to the right, and then to the left, and then to the right about again, till you find 25 out the old mill. Marl. Zounds, man! we could as soon find out the longitude! Hast. What's to be done, Marlow? Marl. This house promises but a poor reception; 30 though perhaps the landlord can accommodate us. ΙΟ 15 Land. Alack, master, we have but one spare bed in the whole house. Tony. And to my knowledge, that's taken up by three lodgers already. (After a pause, in which the rest seem 5 disconcerted.) I have hit it. Don't you think, Stingo, our landlady could accommodate the gentlemen by the fireside, with three chairs and a bolster? Hast. I hate sleeping by the fire-side. Marl. And I detest your three chairs and a bolster. go on a mile further, to the Buck's Head; the old Buck's Head on the hill, one of the best inns in the whole county? Hast. Oho! so we have escaped an adventure for this night, however. Land. (A part to Tony.) Sure, you ben't sending them to your father's as an inn, be you? Tony. Mum, you fool you. Let them find that out. (To them.) You have only to keep on straight forward, till you come to a large old house by the road side. You'll 20 see a pair of large horns over the door. That's the sign. Drive up the yard, and call stoutly about you. Hast. Sir, we are obliged to you. The servants can't miss the way? Tony. No, no; but I tell you though, the landlord is 25 rich, and going to leave off business; so he wants to be 30 thought a gentleman, saving your presence, he! he! he! He'll be for giving you his company, and ecod, if you mind him, he'll persuade you that his mother was an alderman, and his aunt a justice of peace. Land. A troublesome old blade to be sure; but a' keeps as good wines and beds as any in the whole country. Marl. Well, if he supplies us with these, we shall want no farther connexion. We are to turn to the right, did you say? Tony. No, no: straight forward. and show you a piece of the way. Mum. I'll just step myself (To the Landlord.) 5 [Exeunt. Land. Ah, bless your heart, for a sweet, pleasant damn'd mischievous son. ACT II. SCENE I. AN OLD-FASHIONED HOUSE. Enter HARDCASTLE, followed by three or four awkward Ser Hard. vants. Well, I hope you are perfect in the table exercise I have been teaching you these three days. You all know your posts and your places, and can show that you have been used to good company, without ever stirring 5 from home. ΙΟ Omnes. Ay, ay. Hard. When company comes, you are not to pop out and stare, and then run in again, like frighted rabbits in a warren. Omnes. No, no. Hard. You, Diggory, whom I have taken from the barn, are to make a show at the side-table; and you, Roger, whom I have advanced from the plough, are to place yourself behind my chair. But you're not to stand 15 so, with your hands in your pockets. Take your hands from your pockets, Roger; and from your head, you blockhead you. See how Diggory carries his hands. They're a little too stiff, indeed, but that's no great mat 20 ter. Dig. Ay, mind how I hold them. I learned to hold my hands this way, when I was upon drill for the militia. And so being upon drill |