Enter LORD RANDOLPH and ANNA. I am the stain of knighthood and of arms. The traitor's sword Was I the cause? No; I was not the cause. Anna. My lady lives. Grief cannot break a heart so hard as mine. Anna. My lord! my lord! Lord R. Speak! I can hear of horror. Anna. Alas! look there, my lord. Lord R. The mother and her son. How curs' d I She ran, she flew like lightning up the hill, am! Nor halted till the precipice she gain'd, And her white hands to heaven, seeming to say Why am I forc'd to this? She plung'd herself Lord R. I will not vent, Amidst thy raging grief I must proclaim Lady R. Thy innocence! Lord R. My guilt Is innocence, compar'd with what thou think'st it (Rushes out.) Lord R. Follow her, Anna: I myself would follow, But in this rage she must abhor my presence. Curs'd, curs'd Glenalvon, he escap'd too well, Re-enter ANNA. Lord R. But my deliverer's dead! Lady R. (Recovering.) Where am I now? Stili in In vain complaints, the passion of my soul. I'll go straight to battle, where the man that makes [Exeunt A Was I a wife! a mother not so long! Persons Represented. SIP. JOIN LOVERULE COACHMAN LUCY JOBSON LETTICE DOCTOR NELL LADY LOVERULE TENANTS, &c. SCENE I.-Jobson's House. take your swing at the alehouse, spend your subEnter JOBSON and NELL, stance, get as drunk as a beast, and then come home like a sot, and use one like a dog. Nell. Prythee, good Jobson, stay with me to- Job. Nounz! do you prate ? Why, how now, night, and for once make merry at honie. brazen-face! do you speak ill of the government? Job. Peace, peace, you jade! and go spin; for, Don't you know, hussy, that I am king in my own if I lack any thread for my stitching, I will punish house, and that this is treason against my majesty ? you by virtue of my sovereign authority. Nell. Did ever one hear such stuff? But I pray Neli. Ay, mariy, no doubt of that, whilst you you now, Jobson, don't go to the alehouse to-night Job. Well, I'll humour you for once: but don't grow saucy upon't; for I am invited by Sir John Loverule's butler, and am to be princely drunk with punch at the hall-place; we shall have a bowl large enough to swim in. Nell. But they say, husband, the new lady will not suffer a stranger to enter her doors; she grudges even a draught of small beer to her own servants; and several of the tenants have come home with broken heads from her ladyship's own hands, only for smelling strong beer in the house, Job. A plague on her for a fanatical jade! Sho has almost distracted the good knight. But she's now abroad, feasting with her relations, and will scarce come home to-night; and we are to have much drink, a fiddle, and merry gambols. Nell. O, dear husband, let me go with you; we'll be as merry as the night's long. Job. Why, how now, you bold baggage! would you be carried to a company of smooth-faced, eating, drinking, lazy, serving-men? No, no, you jade, I'll not be a cuckold. Nell. I'm sure they would make me welcome: you promised I should see the house: and the family has not been here before since you married and brought me home. Job. Why, thou most audacious strumpet, darest thou dispute with me, thy lord and master? Get in and spin, or else my strap shall wind about thy ribs most confoundedly. AIR. Ile that has the best wife, But for her who will scold and will quarrel, Let him cut her off short Of her meat and her sport, And ten times a day hoop her barrel, brave boys, as a lord: I am a true English heart, and look upon drunkenness as the best part of the liberty of the subject. He that has the best wife, She's the plague of his life, &c. But. Come, Jobson, we'll bring out our bowl of punch in solemn procession; and then for a song [Exeunt. to crown our happiness. Re-enter JOBSON, Butler, &c, with a bowl of punch. AIR. Nell. Well, we poor women must always be slaves, and never have any joy; but you men run and ramble at your pleasure. Job. Why you most pestilent baggage, will you be hoop'd? Be gone, Nell. I must obey. (Going.) Job. Stay; now I think on't, here's sixpence for you; get ale and apples, stretch and puff thyself up with lamb's wool, rejoice and revel by thyself, be drunk and wallow in thy own sty, like a grumbling sow as thou art. (Sings) SCENE IL-Sir John Loverule's House. Enter Butler, Cook, Footman, Coachman, LUCY, LETTICE, &c. And here's to the, my boy boon; As we've tarry'd all day For to drink down the sun. So we'll tarry and drink down the moon, braxe boys, Enter SIR JOHN LOVERULE and LADY LOVERULE Lady L. O heaven and earth! what's here within my doors? Is hell broke loose? What troop of flends are here? Sirrah, you impudent rascal, speak! Sir J. For shame, my dear. As this is a time of mirth and jollity, it has always been the custom of [Exeunt. my house to give my servants liberty in this season, and to treat my country neighbours, that with innocent sports they may divert themselves. Lady L. I say, meddle with your own affairs; I will govern my own house without your putting in an oar. Shall I ask you leave to correct my own servants? But. I would the blind fiddler and our dancing neighbours were here, that we might rejoice a little, while our termagant lady is abroad: I have made a most sovereign bowl of punch. Lucy. We had need rejoice sometimes, for our devilish new lady will never suffer it in her hearing. Enter blind Fiddler, JOBSON, and neighbours. Come, jolly Bacchus, god of wine, Job. By my troth, I am always sharp-set towards punch; and am now come with a firm resolution, though but a poor cobbler, to be as richly drunk Thus, mighty Bacchus, shalt thou be But. The king and the royal family, in a brimmer. AIR Here's a good health to the king, O'er hills and high mountains Sir J. I thought, madam, this had been my house, and these my tenants and servants. Lady L. Did I bring a fortune, to be thus abused and snubbed before people? Do you call my authority in question, ungrateful man? Look to your dogs and horses abroad, but it will be my province to govern here; nor will I be controlled by eer a hunting, hawking knight in Christendom. AIR-SIR JOHN LOVERULE, Te gods, you gave to me a wife, And I was glad to have her; But if your providence divine Far greater bliss design her, To obey your wills, at any time, I'm ready to resign her. This is to be married to a continual tempest: strife and noise, canting and hypocrisy, are eternally afloat: 'tis impossible to bear it long. Lady L. Ye filthy scoundrels, and odious jades, I'll teach you to junket it thus, and steal my provi sions; I shall be devoured at this rate. But. I thought, madam, we might be merry once upon a holiday. Lady L. Holiday, you popish cur! Is one day more holy than another? And if it be, you'll be sure to get drunk upon it, you rogue. (Beats him.) after an abominable fiddle? (Lugs Lucy by the ears.) You miux, you impudent flirt! are you jigging it Lucy. O lud! she has pull'd off both my ears, Sir J. Pray, madam, consider your sex and quality: I blush for your behaviour. Lady L. Consider your incapacity; you shall not instruct me. Who are you, thus muffled, you buzzard? (She beats them all; Jobson steals by.) Job. I am an honest, plain, psalm-singing cobbler, madam: if your ladyship would but go to church, you might hear me above all the rest there. Lady L. I'll try thy voice hero, first, villain. (Strikes him.) Job. Nounz! what a plague, what a devil ails you? Lady L. O profane wretch! wicked varlet! Sir J. For shame! your behaviour is monstrous! Lady L. Was ever poor lady so miserable in a brutish busband as I am? I that am so pious and so religious a woman! Job. (Sings.) He that has the best wife, She's the plague of his life; But for her that will scold and will quarrel. home; and knowing your worship's hospitality, desire the favour to be harbour'd under your roof to-night. Lady L. Out of my house, you lowd conjurer you magician. have any art, ye shall smart for this. Doc. Here's a turn! here's a change! Well, if I (Aside.) Sir J. You see, friend, I am not master of my down the lane about a quarter of a mile, and you'll own house; therefore, to avoid any uneasiness, go see a cobbler's cottage; stay there a little, and I'll send my servant to conduct you to a tenant's house, where you'll be well entertained. Doc. I thank you, sir; I'm your most humble servant; but as for your lady there, she shall, this [Exit. conference together. night, feel my resentment. Sir J. Come, madam, you and I must have some Lady L. Yes; I will have a conference and a re formation, too, in this house, or I'll turn it upside down, I will. [Exeunt. SCENE III-Jobson's house. Enter NELL and the Doctor. Nell. Pray, sir, mend your draught, if you please; you are very welcome, sir. Doc. Thank you heartily, good woman! and to requite your civility, I'll tell you your fortune. Nell. O, pray do, sir; I never had my fortune told me in my life. Doc. Let me behold the lines of your face. Nell. I'm afraid, sir, 'tis none of the cleanest; I have been about dirty work all this day. Doc. Come, come, 'tis a good face; be not ashamed of it; you shall shew it in greater places suddenly. Nell. O dear, sir, I shall be mightily ashamed; I want dacity when I come before great folks. Doc. You must be confident, and fear nothing; there is much happiness attends you. Nell. Oh me! this is a rare man; heaven be thanked. (Aside.) Doc. To-morrow, before the sun-rise, you shall be the happiest woman in this country. Nell. How, by to-morrow? Alack-a-day, sir! how can that be? Doc. No more shall you be troubled with a surly husband, that rails at, and straps you. Nell. Lud! how came he to know that? He must be a conjurer! (Aside.) Indeed, my husband is somewhat rugged, and, in his cups, will beat me, but it is not much: he's an honest, pains-taking man, and I'll let him have his way. Pray, sir, take t'other cup of ale. Doc. I thank you. Believe me, to-morrow you shall be the richest woman in the hundred, and ride in your own coach. Nell. O father! you jeer me. Doc. By my art, I do not. But mark my words, be confident, and bear all out, or worse will follow. Nell. Never fear, sir, I warrant you. O gemini! a coach. AIR. by such rogues as you are, mackmaticians, and almanac makers ? In Bath a wanton wife did dwell, Nell. Pr'ythee, peace, husband; we shall be rich, As Chaucer he did write, and have a coach of our own. Who wantonly did spend her timo Job. A coach! a cart, a wheelbarrow, you jade. In many a fond delight. By the mackin, she's drunk, beastly drunk, most All on a time so sick she was, confoundedly drunk. Get to bed, you strumpet. And she at length did die ; (Beats her.) And then her soul at Paradise Nell. O mercy on us! is this a taste of my good Did knock most mightily. fortune? Oh, you are a devil of a conjurer, spre enough. (Licit. Lady L. Why, villain, rascal, screech-owl, who Doc. You had better not have touch'd her, you makest a worse noise than a dog hung in the pales, surly rogue. or a hog in a high wind. Where are all my serJob. Out of my house, you villain. vants ? Somebody come and hamstring this rogue. Doc. Farewell, you paltry slave. (Knocks.) Job. Get out, you rogue. [Exeunt. Job. Why, how now, you brazen quean! You must get drunk with the conjurer, must you? I'll • SCENE IV.-An open Country. give you money another time to spend in lamb's wool, you saucy jade, shall I? Lady L. Monstrous! I can find no bell to ring. Enter Doctor. Where are my servants? They shall toss him in a blanket AIR. Job. Ay, the jade's asleep still; the conjurer told Doc. My little spirits now appear, her she should keep her coach, and she is dream ing of her equipage. (Sings.) AIR. I will come in spite, she said, Of all such churls as thee ; Thou art the cause of all our pain, Our grief and misery. Thou first brokthe commandment, Spi. (IVithin.) Say, master, what is to be done? In honour of thy wife: Then Adam heard her say these words He ran away for life. Lady L. Why, husband! Sir John! will you suffer me to be thus insulted ? With all your most specific charms, Job. Husband! Sir John! what a plague has she Contey each wife to diff'rent arms; knighted me? And my name's Zekel, too; a good Let the delusion be so strong, jest, faith. That none may know the right from wrong, Lady L. Ha! he's gone, he's not in the bed. IIeaven, where am I? Foh! what loathsome smells Spi. All this we will with care perform, are here? Canvas sheets, and a filthy ragged In thunder, lightning, and a storm. curtain ; a beastly rug, and a flock bed. Am I [Thunder. Exit Doctor. awake, or is it all a dream? What rogue is that? Sirrah! where am I? Who brought me hither? What rascal are you? SCENE V.-Jobson's House. The bed in view. Job. This is amazing; I never heard such words from her before? If I take my strap to you I'll JOBSON discovered at work. make you know your husband; I'll teach you betJob. What devil has been abroad to-night? I ter manners, you saucy drab. never heard such claps of thunder in my life; I Lady L. Oh, astonishing impudence! thought my little hovel would have flown away; l husband, sirrah? I'll have you hanged, you rogue; but now all is clear again, and a fine star-light I'm a lady. Let me know who has given me a morning it is. I'll settle myself to work. They say, I sleeping draught, and conveyed me hither, you Winter's thunder is summer's wonder. dirty varlet? Job. A sleeping draught! yes, you drunken jade, you had a sleeping draught with & plague to ye. AIR. What, has not your lamb's-wool done working Of all the trades from east to west, yot? The cobbler's past contending, Lady L. Where am I? Where has my villainous Is like in time to prove the best, husband put me? Lucy! Lettice! Where are my Which every day is mending. queans? Ilow great his praise, who can amend Job. Ha, ha, ha! What, does she call her maids, The soles of all his neighbours; too? The conjurer has made her mad as well as Nor is unmindful of his end, drunk. But to his last siilllabours. Lady. L. He talks of conjurers; sure I am be witched! Ha! what clothes are here? a linseyLady L. (In bed.) Heyday! what impudent ballad- woolsey gown, a calico hood, a red bays petticoat; singing rogue is that, who dares wake me out of I am removed from my own house by witchcraft. my sleep? I'll have you tlayed, you rascal. What must I do? What will become of me? Job. What a plague, does sho talk in her sleep? (Horns wind without.) or is she drunk still ? Job. Hark! the hunters and the merry horns are You my |
