5 he'll find half his acquaintance ruined too, and Jos. Surf. Doubtless, ma'am - a very great one. Ser. Mr. Crabtree and Sir Benjamin Backbite. Enter CRABTREE and SIR BENJAMIN BACKBITE Crab. Lady Sneerwell, I kiss your hand. Mrs. Candour, I don't believe you are acquainted with my nephew, Sir Benjamin Backbite? Egad, 10 maʼam, he has a pretty wit, and is a pretty poet too. Isn't he, Lady Sneerwell? Sir Ben. Oh, fie, uncle! Crab. Nay, egad it's true; I back him at a rebus° or a charade against the best rhymer in the king15 dom. Has your ladyship heard the epigram he wrote last week on Lady Frizzle's feather catching fire? Do, Benjamin, repeat it, or the charade you made last night extempore at Mrs. Drowzie's conversazione. Come now; your first is the 20 name of a fish, your second a great naval commander, and Sir Ben. Uncle, now - pr'ythee Crab. I' faith, ma'am, 'twould surprise you to hear how ready he is at all these sort of things. Lady Sneer. I wonder, Sir Benjamin, you never publish any thing. 5 Sir Ben. To say truth, ma'am, 'tis very vulgar to print; and as my little productions are mostly satires and lampoons on particular people, I find they circulate more by giving copies in confidence to the friends of the parties. However, I have 10 some love elegies, which, when favoured with this lady's smiles, I mean to give the public. [Pointing to MARIA. Crab. [To MARIA.] 'Fore heaven, ma'am, they'll immortalize you! - you will be handed down to posterity, like Petrarch's Laura, or Waller's 15 Sacharissa. о Sir Ben. [To MARIA.] Yes, madam, I think you will like them, when you shall see them on a beautiful quarto page, where a neat rivulet of text shall meander through a meadow of margin. 'Fore Gad 20 they will be the most elegant things of their kind! Crab. But, ladies, that's true-have you heard the news? Mrs. Can. What, sir, do you mean the report of 25 Crab. No, ma'am, that's not it. Miss Nicely is going to be married to her own footman. Crab. Ask Sir Benjamin. 5 Sir Ben. 'Tis very true, ma'am: every thing is fixed, and the wedding liveries bespoke. Crab. Yes reasons for it. and they do say there were pressing Lady Sneer. Why, I have heard something of 10 this before. Mrs. Can. It can't be and I wonder any one should believe such a story of so prudent a lady as Miss Nicely. Sir Ben. O Lud! ma'am, that's the very reason 15 'twas believed at once. She has always been so cautious and so reserved, that every body was sure there was some reason for it at bottom. Mrs. Can. Why, to be sure, a tale of scandal is as fatal to the credit of a prudent lady of her stamp 20 as a fever is generally to those of the strongest constitutions. But there is a sort of puny sickly reputation, that is always ailing, yet will outlive the robuster characters of a hundred prudes. Sir Ben. True, madam, there are valetudina25 rians in reputation as well as constitution, who, being conscious of their weak part, avoid the least breath of air, and supply their want of stamina by care and circumspection. Mrs. Can. Well, but this may be all a mistake. You know, Sir Benjamin, very trifling circumstances often give rise to the most injurious tales. 5 Crab. That they do, I'll be sworn, ma'am. 0 Lud! Mr. Surface, pray is it true that your uncle, Sir Oliver, is coming home? Jos. Surf. Not that I know of, indeed, sir. Crab. He has been in the East Indies a long 10 time. You can scarcely remember him, I believe? Sad comfort, whenever he returns, to hear how your brother has gone on! Jos. Surf. Charles has been imprudent, sir, to be sure; but I hope no busy people have already 15 prejudiced Sir Oliver against him. He may reform. Sir Ben. To be sure he may: for my part, I never believed him to be so utterly void of principle as people say; and, though he has lost all his 20 friends, I am told nobody is better spoken of by the Jews. Crab. That's true, egad, nephew. If the Old Jewry was a ward, I believe Charles would be an alderman: no man more popular there, 'fore 25 Gad! I hear he pays as many annuities as the ΙΟ Irish tontine°; and that, whenever he is sick, they have prayers for the recovery of his health in all the synagogues. Sir Ben. Yet no man lives in greater splendour. 5 They tell me, when he entertains his friends he will sit down to dinner with a dozen of his own securities; have a score of tradesmen waiting in the antechamber, and an officer behind every guest's chair. Jos. Surf. This may be entertainment to you, gentlemen, but you pay very little regard to the feelings of a brother. Mar. [Aside.]. Their malice is intolerable! [Aloud.] Lady Sneerwell, I must wish you a good 15 morning: I'm not very well. 20 Mrs. Can. O dear! she changes colour very [Exit. much. Lady Sneer. Do, Mrs. Candour, follow her: she may want your assistance. Mrs. Can. That I will, with all my soul, ma'am. Poor dear girl, who knows what her situation may be! Lady Sneer. 'Twas nothing but that she could [Exit. not bear to hear Charles reflected on, notwith25 standing their difference. Sir Ben. The young lady's penchant is obvious. |