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Lord Froth. No, no, I'll allow Mr Brisk; | why, how now, who are you? What am I? Slicome, have you nothing about you to shew him, dikins, can't I govern you? What did I marry you my dear? for? Am I not absolute and uncontroulable? Is it fit a woman of my spirit and conduct should be contradicted in a matter of this concern?

Lady Froth. Yes, I believe I have. Mr Brisk, will you go into the next room, and there I'll shew you what I have.

come to you.

[Exeunt LADY FROTH and BRISK. Lord Froth. I'll walk a turn in the garden, and [Erit LORD FROTII. Mel. You are thoughtful, Cynthia. Cyn. I am thinking, though marriage makes man and wife one flesh, it leaves them still two fools; and they become more conspicuous by setting off one another.

Mel. That's only, when two fools meet, and their follies are opposed.

Cyn. Nay, I have known two wits meet, and, by the opposition of their wit, render themselves as ridiculous as fools. 'Tis an odd game we are going to play at; what think you of drawing stakes, and giving over in time?

Mel. No, hang it, that's not endeavouring to win, because it is possible we may lose; since we have shuffled and cut, let us e'en turn up trump now.

Cyu, Then, I find it is like cards; if either of us have a good hand, it is an accident of fortune. Mel. No, marriage is rather like a game at bowls fortune indeed makes the match, and the two nearest, and sometimes the two farthest are together, but the game depends entirely upon judgment.

Cyn. Still it is a game, and consequently one of us must be a loser.

Mel. Not at all; only a friendly trial of skill, and the winnings to be laid out in an entertain

ment.

Enter SIR PAUL PLYANT and LADY PLYANT.

Sir Paul, Gads bud! I am provoked into a fermentation, as my lady Froth says; was ever the like read of in story?

Lady Ply. Sir Paul, have patience; let me alone to rattle him up.

Sir Paul. Pray your ladyship give me leave to be angry--I'll rattle him up, I warrant you, I'll firk him with a certiorari.

Lady Ply. You firk him! I'll firk him myself. Pray, sir Paul, hold you contented.

Cyn. Bless me, what makes my father in such a passion!--I never saw him thus before,

Sir Paul. Hold yourself contented, my lady Plyant-I find passion coming upon me by inflation, and I cannot submit as formerly; therefore, give way.

Lady Ply. How now! will you be pleased to retire, and

Sir Paul. No, marry, will I not be pleased; I am pleased to be angry, that is my pleasure at 'this time.

Sir Paul, It concerns me, and only me :—Besides, I am not to be governed at all times. When I am in tranquillity, my lady Plyant shall command sir Paul; but, when I am provoked to fury, I cannot incorporate with patience and reason;-as soon may tigers match with tigers, lambs with lambs, and every creature couple with its foe, as the poet says.

Lady Pay, He's hot-headed still! 'tis in vain to talk to you; but, remember, I have a curtainlecture for you, you disobedient, headstrong brute.

Sir Paul, No, 'tis because I won't be headstrong, because I won't be a brute, and have my head fortified, that I am thus exasperated.-But I will protect my honour, and yonder is the violator of my fame.

Lady Ply. Tis my honour that is concerned, and the violation was intended to me.-Your honour! you have none but what is in my keeping, and I can dispose of it when I please-therefore, don't provoke me.

Sir Paul. Hum! gads-bud, she says true--Well, my lady, march on, I will fight under you, then; I am convinced as far as passion will permit.

[LADY PLYANT and SIR PAUL come up to MELLEFONT.

Lady Ply. Inhuman and treacherousSir Paul. Thou serpent, and first tempter of womankind

Cyn. Bless me, sir! Madam, what mean you? Sir Paul. Thy, Thy, come away, Thy, touch him not; come hither, girl; go not near him; there is nothing but deceit about him; snakes are in his peruke, and the crocodile of Nilus is in his belly; he will eat thee up alive.

Lady Ply. Dishonourable, impudent creature! Mel. For Heaven's sake, madam, to whom do you direct this language?

Lady Ply. Have I behaved myself with all the decoruin and nicety, befitting the person of sir Paul's wife? Have I preserved my honour, as it were, in a snow-house for these three years past? Have I been white and unsullied even by sir Paul himself?

Sir Paul. Nay, she has been an invincible wife, even to me, that's the truth on't.

Lady Ply. Have I, I say, preserved myself like a fair sheet of paper, for you to make a blot upon?

Sir Paul. And she shall make a simile with any woman in England.

Mel. I am so amazed, I know not what to say. Sir Paul. Do you think my daughter, this pretty creature-gads-bud, she's a wife for a cherubin! Do you think her fit for nothing but to be Mel. What can this mean? a stalking horse, to stand before you, while you Lady Ply. Gads my life, the man's distracted! take aim at my wife? Gadsbud, I was never an

gry before in my life, and I'll never be appeased | what would you have to answer for, if you should

again.

Mel. Hell and damnation! this is my aunt; such malice can be engendered no where else.

[Aside. Lady Ply. Sir Paul, take Cynthia from his sight; leave me to strike him with the remorse of his intended crime.

Cyn. Pray, sir, stay! hear him; I dare affirm he's innocent.

Sir Paul. Innocent! Why, hark'ee, come hither, Thy; hark'ee, I had it from his aunt, my sister Touchwood-Gads-bud, he does not care a farthing for any thing of thee, but thy portion; why, he's in love with my wife; he would have tantalized thee, and made a cuckold of thy poor father; and that would certainly have broke my heart-I am sure, if ever I should have horns, they would kill me; they would never come kindly; I should die of them, like a child that was cutting his teeth-I should, indeed, Thytherefore, come away; but Providence has prevented all; therefore, come away when I bid you. Cyn. I must obey.

provoke me to frailty? Alas! humanity is feeble, Heaven knows! very feeble, and unable to support itself.

Mel. Where am I? Is it day? and am I awake? Madam

Lady Ply. And nobody knows how circumstances may happen together;-to my thinking, now, I could resist the strongest temptationbut, yet, I know, 'tis impossible for me to know whether I could or not; there's no certainty in the things of this life.

Mel. Madam, pray give me leave to ask you one question.

Lady Ply. O lord, ask me the question! I'll swear I'll refuse it; I'll swear I'll deny it, therefore don't ask me; nay, you shan't ask me; I swear I'll deny it. O gemini, you have brought all the blood into my face; I warrant I am as red as a turky-cock; O fye! cousin Mellefont.

Mel. Nay, madam, hear me; I mean

Lady Ply. Hear you? no, no; I'll deny you first, and hear you afterwards. For one does not know how one's mind may change upon hearing. [Exeunt SIR PAUL and CYNTHIA.-Hearing is one of the senses, and all the senses Lady Ply. Oh, such a thing! the impiety of are fallible; I won't trust my honour, I assure it startles me to wrong so good, so fair a crea- you; my honour is infallible and uncomatible. ture, and one that loves you tenderly 'Tis a Mel. For Heaven's sake, madambarbarity of barbarities, and nothing could be Lady Ply. O name it no more— e-Bless me, how guilty of itcan you talk of Heaven, and have so much wickedness in your heart? May be you don't think it a sin!--they say, some of you gentlemen don't think it a sin!-may be it is no sin to them that don't think it so; indeed, if I did not think it a sin! but still my honour, if it were no sin !—but then to marry my daughter for the conveniency of frequent opportunities I'll never consent to that; as sure as can be I'll break the match.

Mel. But the greatest villain imagination can form, I grant it; and next to the villainy of such a fact, is the villainy of aspersing me with the guilt. How? Which way was I to wrong her? For yet I understand you not.

Lady Ply. Why, gads my life, cousin Mellefont, you cannot be so peremptory as to deny it, when I tax you with it to your face; for, now sir Paul is gone, you are corum nobus.

or

Mel. By Heaven, I love her more than life,

Lady Ply. Fiddle, faddle, don't tell me of this and that and every thing in the world, but give me mathemacular demonstration--answer me directly-But I have not patience--Oh! the im- | piety of it, as I was saying, and the unparalleled wickedness! O merciful father! How could you think to reverse nature so, to make the daughter the means of procuring the mother?

Mel. The daughter to procure the mother! Lady Ply. Ay, for though I am not Cynthia's own mother, I am her father's wife, and that's near enough to make it incest.

Mel. Incest! O! my precious aunt, and the devil in conjunction! [Aside. Ludy Ply. O reflect upon the horror of that, and then the guilt of deceiving every body; marrying the daughter, only to make a cuckold of the father; and then seducing me, debauching my purity, and perverting me from the road of virtue, in which I have trod thus long, and never made one trip, not one faux pas; O consider it!

Mel. Death and amazement !-Madam, upon my knees

Lady Ply. Nay, nay, rise up; come, you shall see my good-nature. I know love is powerful, and nobody can help his passion: 'tis not your fault, nor, I swear, it is not mine!-How can I help it, if I have charms? And how can you help it, if you are made a captive? I swear it is pity it should be a fault-but my honour-well, but your honour too-but the sin!-well, but the necessity-O lord, here's somebody coming, I dare not stay.-Well, you must consider of your crime, and strive as much as can be against itstrive, be sure-but don't be melancholic, don't despair-but never think that I'll grant you any think; O lord, no;-but be sure you lay aside all thoughts of the marriage; for though I know you don't love Cynthia, only as a blind for your passion to me, yet it will make me jealous-O Lord, what did I say? Jealous! no, no, I can't be jealous, for I must not love you-therefore, don't hope-but don't despair neither-O, they're coming, I must fly. [Exit.

Mel. [after a pause.] So then-spite of my

care and foresight, I am caught, caught in my security. Yet this was but a shallow artifice, unworthy of my Machiavelian aunt. There must be more behind; this is but the first flash, the priming of her engine; destruction follows hard, if not most presently prevented.

Enter MASKWell.

Maskwell, welcome! Thy presence is a view of land, appearing to my shipwrecked hopes; the witch has raised the storm, and her ministers have done their work; you see the vessels are parted.

Mask. I know it; I met sir Paul towing away Cynthia. Come, trouble not your head; I'll join you together to-morrow morning, or drown between you in the attempt.

Mel. There is comfort in a hand stretched out to one that is sinking, though never so far off.

Mask. No sinking, nor no danger-Come, cheer up; why, you do not know, that while I plead for you, your aunt has given me a retaining fee;--nay, I am your greatest enemy, and she does but journey-work under me.

Mel. Ha! how is this?

ed to have been long secretly in love with Cynthia; that did my business; that convinced your aunt I might be trusted; since it was as much my interest as her's to break the match: then she thought my jealousy might qualify me to assist her in her revenge. And, in short, in that belief told me the secrets of her heart. At length, we made this agreement; if I accomplish her designs (as I told you before), she has engaged to put Cynthia, with all her fortune, into my power.

Mel. She is most gracious in her favour.-Well, and dear Jack, how hast thou contrived?

Mask. I would not have you stay to hear it now: for I don't know but she may come this way; I am to meet her anon; after that, I will tell you the whole matter: be here, in this gallery, an hour hence; by that time, I imagine, our consultation may be over.

Mel. I will; till then, success attend thee!

[Exit.

Mask. Till then, success will attend me; for when I meet you, I meet the only obstacle to my fortune. Cynthia, let thy beauty gild my crimes; and whatsoever I cominit of treachery or deceit shall be imputed to me as a merit. TreachMask. What do ye think of my being employ-ery! What treachery? Love cancels all the bonds ed in the execution of all her plots? Ha, ha, ha! by Heaven, it is true; I have undertaken to break the match; I have undertaken to make your uncle disinherit you, to get you turned out of doors, and to----ha, ha, ha! I can't tell you for laughing- -Oh! she has opened her heart to me- -I am to turn you a grazing, and toha, ha, ha!-marry Cynthia myself: There's a plot for you!

of friendship, and sets men right upon their first foundations. Duty to kings, piety to parents, gratitude to benefactors, and fidelity to friendsare different and particular ties; but the name of rival cuts them all asunder, and is a general acquittance-Rival is equal; and love, like death, an universal leveller of mankind. Ha! but is there not such a thing as honesty? Yes, and whosoever has it about him, bears an enemy in Mel. Ha! O see, I see my rising sun! light his breast for your honest man, as I take it, is breaks through clouds upon me, and I shall live that nice, scrupulous, conscientious person, who in day-O my Maskwell! how shall I thank will cheat nobody but himself; such another coxor praise thee! thou hast outwitted woman.- comb as your wise man, who is too hard for all But tell me, how couldst thou thus get into her the world, and will be made a fool of by nobody confidence? Ha! how? But was it her contribut himself. Ha, ha, ha! well, for wisdom and vance to persuade my lady Plyant into this extra-honesty, give me cunning and hypocrisy. Oh, it vagant belief?

Mask. It was; and, to tell you the truth, I encouraged it for your diversion: though it make you a little uneasy for the present, yet the reflection of it must needs be entertaining- -I warrant she was very violent at first.

Mel. Ha, ha, ha! ay, a very fury; but I was most afraid of her violence at last. If you had not come as you did, I do not know what she might have attempted.

Mask. Ha, ha, ha! I know her temper.Well, you must know, then, that all my contrivances were but bubbles; till, at last, I pretend

is such a pleasure to angle for fair-faced fools! Then, that hungry gudgeon, Credulity, will bite at any thing-Why, let me see, I have the same face, the same words and accents, when I speak what I do think, and when I speak what I do not think the very same-and dear dissimulation is the only art not to be known from nature.

Why will mankind be fools, and be deceived?
And why are friends' and lovers' oaths belie-
ved?

When each, who searches strictly his own mind,
May so much fraud and power of baseness find.

[Exit.

SCENE I.

АСТ III.

Enter LORD TOUCHWOOD, and LADY TOUCH

WOOD.

cing to me, which create your satisfaction or disquiet.

Lady Touch. But those which cause my disquiet I am willing to have remote from your hear

Lady Touch. My lord, can you blame my bro-ing. Good my lord, don't press me. ther Plyant, if he refuse his daughter upon this provocation? The contract is void, by this unheard of impiety.

satisfied

Lord Touch. Don't oblige me to press you. Lady Touch. Whatever it was, it is past; and that is better to be unknown which cannot be Lord Touch. I don't believe it true; he has bet-prevented; therefore, let me beg of you to rest ter principles-Pho, 'tis nonsense. Come, come, I know my lady Plyant has a large eye, and would centre every thing in her own circle; 'tis not the first time she has mistaken respect for love, and made sir Paul jealous of the civility of an undesigning person, the better to bespeak his security in her unfeigned pleasures.

Lady Touch. You censure hardly, my lord; my sister's honour is very well known,

Lord Touch. Yes, I believe I know some that have been familiarly acquainted with it. This is a little trick, wrought by some pitiful contriver, envious of my nephew's merit.

Lady Touch. Nay, my lord, it may be so, and I hope it will be found so: but that will require some time; for, in such a case as this, demonstration is necessary,

Lord Touch. There should have been demonstration of the contrary, too, before it had been believed

Lady Touch. So, I suppose, there was. Lord Touch. How? Where? When? Lady Touch. That I cannot tell; nay, I don't say there was-I am willing to believe as favourably of my nephew as I can.

Lord Touch. I don't know that. [Half aside. Lady Touch. How? Don't you believe that, say you, my lord?

Lord Touch. No, I don't say so- -I confess I am troubled to find you so cold in his defence. Lady Touch. His defence! Bless me, would you have me defend an ill thing?

Lord Touch. When you have told me, I will-
Lady Touch. You won't.

Lord Touch. By my life, my dear, I will.
Ludy Touch. What if you cannot?

Lord Touch, How? Then, I must know; nay,
I will. No more trifling-I charge you tell me→→
By all our mutual peace to come; upon your du→
ty-

Lady Touch. Nay, my lord, you need say no more to make me lay my heart before you; but don't be thus transported; compose yourself; it is not of concern to make you lose one minute's temper; it is not, indeed, my dear. Nay, by this kiss you shall not be angry. O Lord! I wish I had not told you any thing. Indeed, my lord, you have frighted me. Nay, look pleased, I will tell you.

Lord Touch. Well, well.

Lady Touch. Nay, but will you be calm?Indeed, it is nothing but

Lord Touch. But what?

Lady Touch. But will you promise me not to be angry?-Nay, you must not to be angry with Mellefont-I dare swear he is sorry; and, were it to do again, would not———

Lord Touch. Sorry, for what? 'Death! you rack me with delay.

Lord Touch. Confusion and hell, what do I hear!

Lady Touch. Nay, no great matter, onlyWell, I have your promise-Pho, why, nothing; only your nephew had a mind to amuse himself sometimes with a little gallantry towards me. Lord Touch. You believe it, then? Nay, I cannot think he meant any thing seriousLady Touch. I don't know; I am very unwill-ly, but methought it looked oddly. ing to speak my thoughts in any thing that may be to my cousin's disadvantage. Besides, I find, my lord, you are prepared to receive an ill impression from any opinion of mine which is not consenting with your own: but, since I am like to be suspected in the end, and 'tis a pain any longer to dissemble, I own it to you: In short, I do believe it, nay, and can believe any thing worse, if it were laid to his charge-Don't ask me my reasons, my lord, for they are not fit to be told you.

Lady Touch. Or, may be, he thought he was not enough akin to me upon your account, and had a mind to create a nearer relation on his own; a lover, you know, my lord-ha, ha, ha! Well, but that's all. Now you have it; well, remember your promise, my lord, and don't take any notice of it to him.

Lord Touch. No, no, no-Damnation!

Lady Touch. Nay, I swear you must not-A Lord Touch. I am amazed! Here must be little harmless mirth-only misplaced, that's all. something more than ordinary in this. [Aside.] But if it were more, it is over now, and all is well. Not fit to be told me, madam? You have no in- For my part, I have forgot it; and so has he, I terest wherein I am not concerned; and, conse-hope; for I have not heard any thing from him quently, the same reasons ought to be convinVOL. II.

these two days.

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Lord Touch. These two days! Is it so fresh? | Unnatural villain! 'Death, I will have him stripped, and turned naked out of my doors this moment, and let him rot and perish, incestuous brute!

Lady Touch. Oh, for Heaven's sake, my lord, you will ruin me, if you take such public notice of it; it will be a town-talk: consider your own, and my honour-Nay, I told you, you would not be satisfied when you knew it. Lord Touch. Before I have done, I will be satisfied. Ungrateful monster! How long?

Mellefont's design upon you; but still using my utmost endeavours to dissuade him though my friendship and love to him has made me conceal it, yet you may say, I threatened, the next time he attempted any thing of that kind, to discover it to my lord.

Lady Touch. To what end is this?

Mask. It will confirm my lord's opinion of my honour and honesty, and create in him a new confidence in me, which (should this design miscarry) will be necessary to the forming another plot that I have in my head-to cheat you as well as the rest. [Aside.

Lady Touch. I'll do it.

Lady Touch. Lord! I don't know- -I wish my lips had grown together when I told you— Almost a twelvemonth-Nay, I won't tell you any Mask. Excellent! You had best go to my lord, more till you are yourself. Pray, my lord, don't keep him as long as you can in his closet, and I let the company see you in this disorder-Yet, I doubt not but you will mould him to what you confess, I cannot blame you; for I think I was please; your guests are so engaged in their own never so surprised in my life. Who would have follies and intrigues, they'll miss neither of you. thought my nephew could have so misconstrued When shall we meet? my kindness-But will you go into your closet, and recover your temper. I will make an excuse of sudden business to the company, and come to you. Pray, good dear my lord, let me beg you do now: I will come immediately, and tell you all- -Will you, my lord?

Lord Touch. I will-I am mute with wonder. Lady Touch. Well, but go now; here is somebody coming.

Lord Touch. Well, I go-You won't stay, for I would hear more of this. [Exit.

Lady Touch. I follow instantly——So.

Enter MASKWELL.

Mask. This was a master-piece, and did not need my help-though I stood ready for a cue to come in and confirm all, had there been occasion. Lady Touch. Have you seen Mellefont? Mask. I have; and am to meet him here about this time.

Lady Touch. How does he bear his disappointment?

Mask. Secure in my assistance, he seemed not much afflicted, but rather laughed at the shallow artifice, which so little time must, of necessity, discover. Yet he is apprehensive of some farther design of yours, and has engaged me to watch you. I believe he will hardly be able to prevent your plot; yet I would have you use caution and Expedition.

Lady Touch. Expedition indeed; for all we do must be peformed in the remaining part of this evening, and before the company break up, lest my lord should cool, and have an opportunity to talk with him privately-My lord must not see him again.

Lady Touch. At eight this evening, in my chamber; there, rejoice at our success, and toy away an hour in mirth. [Exit.

Mask. I will not fail. I know what she means by toying away an hour well enough. Pox, I have lost all my appetite to her; yet she's a fine woman, and I loved her once. Should she smoke my design upon Cynthia, I were in a fine pickle. She has a damned penetrating head, and knows how to interpret a coldness the right way; therefore, I must dissemble ardour and ecstacy, that's resolved: Ha! yonder comes Mellefont thoughtful. Let me think: meet her at eight-humha! by Heaven I have it-if I can speak to my lord before-I will deceive them all, and yet sccure myself; 'twas a lucky thought! Well, this double-dealing is a jewel. Here he comes! now

for me.

[MASKWELL, pretending not to see him, walks by him, and speaks as it were to himself.]

Enter MELLEFONT, musing. Mercy on us! what will the wickedness of this world come to?

Mel. How now, Jack? What, so full of contemplation that you run over!

Mask. I'm glad you are come, for I could not contain myself any longer, and was just going to give vent to a secret, which nobody but you ought to drink down. Your aunt is just gone from hence.

Mel. And having trusted thee with the secrets of her soul, thou art villainously bent to discover them all to me, ha?

Mask. I am afraid my frailty leans that waybut I dont know, whether I can, in honour, disco

Mask. By no means; therefore, you must ag-ver them all. gravate my lord's displeasure to a degree that will admit of no conference with him-What think you of mentioning me?

Lady Touch. How?

Mel. All, all, man. What, you may, in honour, betray her as far as she betrays herself. No tragical design upon my person, I hope.

Mask. No, but it is a comical design upon

Mask. To my lord, as having been privy to mine.

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