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fessions, are as necessary, in order to insure him success, as well as respect, in Europe, as tails to a Bashaw in Asia, and in both cases the degree of dignity supported, and respect claimed, is regulated alike by the number of each. A few years since, several Oxonians, who had beheld with an unkind aspect the inundation of these titled candidates for employ in all the professions, without the sacrifice of any of the study, time and expence, which are required of the students in the English universities, previous to the attainment of these insignia of merit, clubbed, and raised a sum sufficient to pay for three diplomas. Three of the long eared species of animals, vulgarly yelept JAcKAsses, were then procured, and appropriate names given to each, as the Rev. Mr. Bray, Dr. Ear and 'Squire Sulkey. The cash, accompanied by a recommendation of these three distinguished characters, attested by the party in the joke, was transmitted to the then Principal of Aberdeen University, and on the return of the mail, the three candidates were each raised in Law, Physic and Divinity, to a rank with Dr. ANDERson. It may perhaps be useful however to add, for the informat tion of any of our countrymen, who may pant for the possession of these academic honors, in order to be on a par with the aforesaid Jackasses and Dr. Anderson, that a recent additional duty in England upon stamps, and on the postage of letters, will require them to remit as much as two shillings and some odd pence over the twelve pounds two shillings and sixpence, a circumstance, certainly much to be regretted.
(c) page 29–The satire in these lines, whether it aims at the very ridiculous deference paid to a certain class of the Escula. pian fraternity, whom I shall term Hydrognostics, but whom the reader may, if he please, call “water-doctors,” or at the abuse of the privilege of franking, in England, is perhaps as well founded as any other in the poem.
Besides the famous Dr. MAYERSBAck here alluded to, who resides in London, there is another still more celebrated in Northamptonshire, who can scarcely write his own name, but who has already amassed a large fortune by practice in this line. Scarcely a post arrives which does not bring to these “ Doctors'
many bottles for examination, and as no case is entered upon without that necessary preamble, a golden fee, the money collected is almost incredible. The abuse of the privilege of franking, so common among the heads of the departments, and those who, ex officio, have the right of conveying by post a packet of almost any size, had like to have met with a serious and effectual interruption, a few years since, if the following story related respecting the affair can be depended upon. An extraordinary Lusus Nature of the human species having occurred at Plymouth, the obstetric gentleman, into whose hands it fell, resolved to make a present of it to the Museum of an eminent anatomical professor in London. No immediate conveyance for it presenting, the commissioner of the Dock-Yard kindly undertook to relieve his embarrassment, by franking it up by post. For this purpose the child was made up into a parcel or packet (not a very small one to be sure) and directed for London. The weather growing warmer than was anticipated, our caput mortuum arrived at the General Post-Office in a condition rather resembling a caput vividum, for it soon produced a very lively effect on the olfactory nerves of all the clerks of the Post-Office. The Inspector of Franks, suspecting foul play, deemed it his duty to examine the contents of the parcel, when there was presented to the alarmed and astonished eyes of all around, a being of which they affirmed there did not exist the likeness either in Heaven above or on the Earth beneath. Some fled from alarm and some from stench, till the apartment was entirely deserted, except by old Jowler, a large mastiff that was kept as a guard to the office. Attracted by the scent, Jowler soon satisfied himself that the commodity, so savory to his smell, was nothing more nor less than a nice piece of dog'smeat, and of consequence was, bona fide, his property, so he quietly took it up in his mouth, and marched off with it for his breakfast. An action was afterwards brought against the Post-Office for the loss of the article in question, but as it was called a child in the declaration, it was successfully pleaded in reply that as a child, it could not be considered in any other light than a stage passenger, and as the stage coach and not the letter-bag was established for the accommodation and conveyance of passengers' the plaintiff was in fault for not sending the said passenger with other passengers in the stage. This defence was irresistible and the plaintiff, to his sore displeasure, was nonsuited. - (d) page 37—The Duke of Queensbury, whose sins, on the crim, con, list, like his age, amount to above fourscore and ten.
(e) page 57–For the art here alluded to, see Pope's Dunciad, Book III. where several of the hero's of that poem are made to plunge for the prize into Fleet Ditch, a large sewer or drain, in the centre of London, which receives the contents of about a dozen slaughter houses, half as many markets, including Smithfield, and a very plentiful supply of certain other enriching streams, which are said to render the Thames water superior to any other in the world. “Not so bold ANALL; with a weight of skull, “Furious he dives, precipitately dull ; “Whirlpools and storms his circling arms invest, “With all the weight of gravitation blest,” &c. &c.
(f) page 59 —The Institution here alluded to, although its acts are often dwelt upon in the Poem, is in no place sufficiently explained to enable the American reader fully to comprehend its nature—A short history of it, therefore may not be unacceptable.
Several philanthropic characters in London, chiefly those who had purchased the Tractors, conceiving that the discovery of Perkinism merited the patronage of an establishment, like that of the discovery of the Cow Pox, announced such an intention in the newspapers, and, at the same time, called a public meeting to take the proposed measure into consideration. Here the undertaking was unanimously resolved upon, and a subscription opened to carry the proposed charity into effect. The list was soon honored with above an hundred subscribers, several with a donation of ten, and none, excepting one or two, less than one guinea for annual subscription. Lord Rivers was elected President of the Society, and eleven other persons of distinction, among whom will be found Gover Non FRANKLIN, son of Dr. FRANKLIN, compose the list of Vice-Presidents.
On the 25th of July last (1803) a large house was opened in Frith-street, Soho-Square, for the reception of patients, and in which the Medical attendant, the matron and servants constantly reside. The objects of this establishment are stated by the Society, in their publication on the subject, as follows: • Ist. To afford relief to the disorders of the afflicted and in* dustrious poor of the metropolis, if the remedy should be “found capable of that desirable purpose; and “2dly. To submit the long controverted question on the mer* its of the Metallic Tractors to the test of the severest scru“ tiny, the ordeal of experiment, by disinterested persons, and • thereby enable the public to form a correct opinion on the just • pretensions of Perkinism.’ As one of the articles, among the rules and regulations for the government of the Society, directs the committee to report, after a suitable time, the result of the undertaking, there was published by them in February last, a book, entitled “ The Transactions of the Perkinean Society, consisting of a Report on the Practice with the Metallic Tractors, at the Institution in Frithstreet, and Experiments communicated by several correspondents. Published by order of the Committee.” This “Report” is highly creditable to the Metallic Practice. It states that “ The Books of the Institution, in which every case is registered, both favorable and unfavorable, will shew that nine tenths of the patients have been either cured or materially relieved.” Among other cases adduced in this report, are two of restoration of sight. The Report concludes by expressing “The satisfaction the * Committee would feel, should the wisdom of the British Par“liament see fit to investigate the merits of Perkinism, and, if • convinced of its utility, honor it with similar patronage, to * other modern discoveries for the benefit of mankind.” --(g) page 90–If rhyme or reason could avail anything against this barbarous, brutal, foolish and destructive practice, no rational mind, it is believed, would censure the attempt however unpleasant the mode may be to the parties, or the friends of the parties concerned.
In the present instance much complaint was raised in London, by the friends of the two combatants, against these stanzas, as reflecting on the honorable personages concerned. If men will be so superlatively foolish, as well as wicked, however exalted their stations in life, ought any person, who respects the wellbeing of society, to be ashamed of an act which assists to make this vice “a fixed figure for the time of scorn to point his slow unmoving finger at " The duel in question, has scarcely its parallel for absurdity in its cause and disaster in its consequence. A dog, belonging to Col. Montgomery's kept mistress, quarrelled in the Park, with another dog, belonging to Capt. MacNAMARA. The Captain's dog proving too strong for his antagonist, necessarily (I speak as a man of honor) raised in the martial bosom of the Colonel a feeling which could not be allayed, consistently with the preservation of his dignity among gentlemen, without challenging the owner of the victorious dog to meet him, the champion of his kept mistress's dog, before the setting of the sun, otherwise to be proclaimed a coward and no gentleman. Macnamara, a Post-Captain in the Navy, necessarily accepted the challenge. On the first fire, the Colonel was killed upon the spot, and the Captain also received a wound, which, while it will maim him during life, will assist him, in the cool moments of reflection, (if such moments are not inconsistent with a man of bonor) to feel whether it were really manly to take away the life of a fellow creature, and wise to hazard his own in so despicable a cause.
Col. MoMTGoMERY was brother to the MARchioness of Towns END, and otherwise connected with the first families in the kingdom. Capt. MAcNAMARA, also, belonged to a family of distinction. As there are in England great numbers, who know of no other laws of honor than such as they see adopted by the great, and whom they ape in all their movements, such examples have a four-fold influence. There were consequently, notwithstanding the fatal issue of this combat, more duels, and at the same place (Chalk Farm) within the few weeks following, than had taken place for many months before.