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Lord F. Strike me dumb, Tam, thou art a very iinpudent fellow.
Nurse. Look, if the varlet has not the effrontery to call his lordship, plain Thomas.
Lord F. My Lord Foppington, shall I beg one word with your lordship?
Nurse. Ho, ho, it's my lord with him now. Sec how aMictions will humble folks.
Miss H. Pray, my lord, [To Fashion] don't let him whisper too close, lest he bite your ear off.
Lord F. I am not altogether so hungry as your ladyship is pleased to imagine. Look you, Tam, I yam sensible I have not been so kind to you as Iought, but I hope you'll forgive what's past, and accept of the five thousand pounds I offer—thou mayst live in extreme splendour with it, stap my vilals!
[Apart to Young FASHIO.V. Young F. It's a much easier matter to prevent a disease than to cure it. A quarter of that sum would have secured your mistress, twice as much cannot redeem her.
[ Apart. Leaving him. Sir T. Well, what says
he? Young F. Only the rascal offered me a hribe to let
Sir T. Ay, he shall go, with a plague to him-lead on, constable.
Enter a SERVANT.
Şerv, Sir, here is muster Loveless, and muster Colonel Townly, and some ladies, lo wait on you.
(To Young F. Lory. So, sir, what will you do now? [Aside.
Young F. Be quiet; they are in the plot. [A side to LORY.]—Only a few friends, Sir Tunbelly, whom I wish'ā to introduce to you.
Lord F. Thou art the most impudent fellow , Tam, that ever nature yet brought into the world. Sir Tunbelly, strike me speechless, but these are my friends and acquaintance, and my guests, and they
will soon inform thee whether I am the true Lord Foppington or not.
Enter LOVELESS, COLONEL TownLY, AMANDA, and
BERINTHIA.-Lord FOPPINGTON accosts them as they pass, but none answer him. Young F. So, gentlemen, this is friendly; I rejoice
to see you.
Col. T. My lord, we are fortunate to be the witnesses of your lordship’s happiness.
Love. But your lordship will do as the honour to introduce us to Sir Tunbelly Clumsy ?
Aman. And us to your lady.
Lord F. [ Amazed.] Ged take me, but they are all in a story.
Sir ņ'. Gentlemen, you do me much honour; my Lord Foppington's friends will ever be welcome to me and mine.
Young F. My love, let me introduce you to these ladies.
Miss H. By goles, they look so fine and so stiff, 1 am almost asham'd to come nigh’em.
Aman. A most engaging lady , indeed!
Ber. And I doubt not will soon distinguish herself
Love. Sir! I was not addressing myself to you, sir ! Pray who is this gentleman ? He seems rather in a singular predicament
Col. T. For so well-dressed a person, a little oddly circumstanced, indeed.
Sir T. Ha, ha, ha! So, these are your friends and your guests, ha, my adventurer?
Lord F. I am struck dumb with their impudence, and cannot positively say whether I shall ever speak again or not.
Sir T. Why, sir, this modest gentleman wanted to pass himself upon me as Lord Foppington, and carry ofl my daughter.
Love. A likely plot to succeed, truly, ha, ha!
Lord F. As Gad shall judge me, Loveless, I did not expect this from thee. Come, pr’ythee confess the joke; tell Sir Tunbelly that I am the real Lord Foppirgton who yesterday made love to thy wife; was honoured by her with a slap on the face, and afterwards pink'd through the body by thee.
Sir T. A likely story, truly, that a peer would behave lhus?
Love.A pretly fellow, indeed, that would scandalize the character he wants to assume; but what will you do with him, Sir Tunbelly?
Sir T. Commit him, certainly, unless the bride and bridegroom choose to pardon hiin.
Lord F. Bride and bridegroom! For Gad's sake, Sir Tunbelly , 'tis tarture to me to hear you call 'em so.
Miss H. Why, you ugly thing, what, would you have him call us dog and cat?
Lord F. By no means, miss; for that sounds ten times more like man and wife than t'other. Sir T. A precious rogue this to come a wooing!
Re-enter a SERVANT. Serv. There are some gentlefolks below to wait upon Lord Foppington. Col T. 'Sdeath, Tom, what will you do now?
[Apart to Young Fashion. Lord F. Now, sir Tunbelly, here are witnesses, who I believe are not corrupted.
Sir T. Peace, fellow! Would your lordship choose to have your guests shewn here, or shall they wait till we come to 'em ?
Young F. I believe, sir Tunbelly, we had better not have these visitors here yet. 'Egad , all must out.
[Aside. Love. Confess, confess, we'll stand by you.
[ Apart to Young FASHION.
Lord F. Nay, Sir Tunbelly, I insist on your calling evidence on both sides-and if I do not prove that fellow an impostor
Young F. Brother, I will save you the trouble, by now confessing that I am not what I have passed myself for. Sir Tunbelly, I am a gentleman, and I flatter myself a man of character; but 'tis with great pride I assure you I am not Lord Foppington.
Sir T Ouns! - what's this? - an impostor? - a cheat?-fire and faggots, sir, if you are not I.ord Foppington, who the devil are you?
Young F. Sir, the best of my condition is, I am your son-in-law; and the worstof it is, I am brother to that
Lord F. Impudent to the last, Gad dem me.
Young F.Pardon me,sir;thanks to thegoodness of your chaplain, and the kind offices of this old gentlewoman.
Lory. 'Tis true, indeed, sir; I gave your daughter away, and Mrs. Nurse, here, was clerk,
Sir T. Knock that rascal down! But speak, Jezebel, how's this?
Nurse. Alas! your honour, forgive me! I have been overreach'd in this business as well as you. Your worship knows, if the wedding-dinner had been ready, you would have given her away with your own hands.
Sir T. But how durst you do this, without acquaint
Nurse. Alas, if your worship had seen how the poor thing begg'd and pray'd, and clung and twin'd about me like ivy round an old wall , you would say, I, who had nursd it, and reard it, must have had a heart like stone to refuse it.
Sir T. Ouns! I shall go mad! Unloose my lord there, you scoundrels.
Lord F. Why, when these gentlemen are at leisure, I should be glad to congratulate you on your son-in-law, with a little more freedom of address.
Miss H. 'Egad, though, I don't see which is to be my husband, after all.
Love. Come, come, Sir Tunbelly, a man of your understanding must perceive, that an affair of this kind is not to be mended by anger and reproaches.
Col. T. Take my word for it, Sir Tunbelly, you are only tricked into a son-in-law you may be proud of; my friend, Tom Fashion, is as honest a fellow as ever breath'd.
Love. That he is, depend on't; and will hunt or drink with you most affectionately; be generous,
old boy, and forgive them-
Sir. T. Never. The hussy !-when I had set my heart on etting her a litle.
Lord F. Now, Sir Tunbelly , that I am untruss'dgive me leave to thank thee for the very extraordinary reception I have met with in thy damn'd, execrable mansion; and at the same time to assure you, that of all the bumpkins and blockheads I have had the misfortune to meet with, thou art the most obstinate and egregious, strike me ugly!
Sir T'. 'What's this? I believe you are both rogues alike.
Lord F. No, Sir Tunbelly, thou wilt find to thy unspeakable mortification, that I am the real Lord Foppington, who was to have disgraced myself by an alliance with a clod; and that thou hast match'd thy girl to a beggarly younger brother of mine, whose titledeeds might be contain'd in thy tobacco-box.
Sir T. Puppy! puppy!-I might prevent their being beggars, if I chose it; for I could give 'em as good a rent-roll as your lordship.
Lord F. Ay, old fellow, but you will not do thatfor that would be acting like a Christian, and thou art a barbarian, stap my.
vitals. Sir T. Udzookers! Now six such words more, and I'll forgive them directly.
Love. 'Slife, Sir Tunbelly, you should do it, and bless yourself. Ladies, what say you?
Aman. Good Sir Tunbelly, you must consent.
Ber. Come, you have been young yourself, Sir Tunbelly.