butcher's offal; and to be thrown into the Thames? Well, if I be served such another trick, I'll have my brains ta'en out and buttered, and give them to a dog for a newyear's gift. The rogues slighted me into the river with as little remorse as they would have drowned a bitch's blind puppies, fifteen i' the litter; and you may know by my size, that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the bottom were as deep as hell, I should down. I had been drowned, but that the shore was shelvy and shallow; a death that I abhor; for the water swells a man, and what a thing should I have been, when I had been swelled! I should have been a mountain of mummy. W. SHAKESPEARE 3 SCENE FROM COMEDY OF ERRORS Adr. ADRIANA-DROMIO-LUCIANA SAY, is your tardy master now at hand? Drom. At hand? nay, he is at two hands with me, and that my two ears can witness. Adr. Say, didst thou speak with him? know'st thou his mind? Drom. Aye, aye, he told his mind upon mine ear: beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it. Spake he so doubtfully, thou could'st not feel his meaning? Luc. Drom. Nay, he struck so plainly, I could too well feel his blows: and withal so doubtfully that I could scarce understand them. Adr. But say, I pr'ythee, is he coming home? W. SHAKESPEARE 4 'Why,' exclaimed one of them to the aged dame, 'thou that art, like a corpse on the funeral pile, a disgrace to mortal life, and Pluto's abomination, dost thou make game of us that thou hast thus been sitting at home all day idle? What? at this late hour, after all our labours and perils hast thou nothing to give us for supper, and nought to think of but continually to pour wine down thy throat, into that greedy growling stomach of thine?' 'Brave, honourable young gentlemen, my masters,' replied the old woman, who seemed frightened out of her wits, 'all, all is ready, stewed meats, sweet and smoking in rich gravy, wine in abundance, cups cleaned bright, and plenty of loaves of bread. The water too, for your hasty bath, is heated as usual.' 5 SCENE FROM MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR MR FORD-MR PAGE-MRS FORD Ford. WELL, he's not here I seek for. Page. No, nor no where else, but in your brain. Ford. Help to search my house this one time: if I find not what I seek, show no colour for my extremity, let me for ever be your table-sport; let them say of me, As jealous as Ford, that searched a hollow walnut for his wife's leman. Satisfy me once more; once more search with me. Mrs Ford. What, hoa, mistress Page! come you and the old woman down; my husband will come into the chamber. Ford. Ford. Old woman! What old woman's that? Mrs F. Nay, good, sweet husband; good gentlemen, let him not strike the old woman. [Enter Falstaff in woman's clothes, led by Mrs Page.] Mrs Page. Come, mother Prat, come give me your hand. Ford. I'll prat her:-out of my door, you witch, you 6 rag, you baggage, you polecat, you ronyon ! out, out, I'll conjure you, I'll fortune-tell you. [exit Falstaff. SCENE FROM COMEDY OF ERRORS Ant. Stop in your wind, sir; tell me this, I pray; where have you left the money that I gave you? Drom. O,-sixpence, that I had o' Wednesday last: to pay the saddler for my mistress' crupper ;— the saddler had it, sir, I kept it not. Ant. Drom. Ant. I am not in a sportive humour now; tell me and dally not, where is the money? season; out of reserve them till a merrier hour than this. Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee? Drom. To me, sir! why you gave no gold to me. Ant. Come on, sir knave; have done your foolishness, and tell me, how thou hast disposed thy charge. Drom. My charge was but to fetch you from the mart home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner; my mistress and her sister stay for you. Ant. 7 Ant. Now, as I am a Christian, answer me, in what safe place you have bestowed my money; SCENE FROM COMEDY OF ERRORS DROMIO OF SYRACUSE-ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Drom. Ant. Drom. How now, sir? is your merry humour altered? Ant. Yea, dost thou jeer and flout me in the teeth? Thinkest thou, I jest? Hold, take thou that and that [beating him Drom. Hold, sir, for God's sake: now your jest is earnest : upon what bargain do you give it me? Ant. Luc. Ant. SCENE FROM COMEDY OF ERRORS ANTIPHOLUS--LUCIANA-ADRIANA- Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not: as strange unto your town, as to your talk; Fye, brother, how the world is changed with you: Drom. By me? Ant. Drom. Drom. By thee and this thou didst return from him,- I never spake to her in all my life. How can she thus then call us by our names, unless it be by inspiration! 9 SCENE FROM COMEDY OF ERRORS ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS BEFORE THE DUKE OF Ant. EPHESUS My liege, I am advised what I say; ΙΟ could witness it, for he was with me then; there did this perjur'd goldsmith swear me down, which, God he knows, I saw not: for the which, I did obey; and sent my peasant home to go in person with me to my house. my wife, her sister, and a rabble more of vile confederates; along with them they brought one Pinch; a hungry lean-fac'd villain, a mere anatomy, a mountebank, a thread-bare juggler, and a fortune-teller; ran hither to your grace; whom I beseech to give me ample satisfaction for these deep shames and great indignities. SCENE FROM THE FOX MOSCA, the knavish parasite of VOLPONE, a rich and childless Venetian nobleman, persuades VOLTORE, an advocate, that he is named for the inheritance of his master, who feigns himself to be dying. Volt. But am I sole heir? |