ÆäÀÌÁö À̹ÌÁö
PDF
ePub

Crab. Do, nephew, let me speak!-and insisted on immediate-

Sir B. Satisfaction! Just as I said

Crab. Odds life, nephew, allow others to know something too. A pair of pistols lay on the bureau (for Mr. Surface, it seems, had come home the night before late from Salthill, where he had been to see the Montem with a friend, who has a son at Eton), so, unluckily, the pistols were left charged.

Sir B. I heard nothing of this.

Crab. Sir Peter forced Charles to take one; and they fired, it seems, pretty nearly together. Charles's shot took effect, as I tell you, and Sir Peter's missed; but, what is very extraordinary, the ball struck against a little bronze Shakspeare that stood over the fire-place, grazed out of the window at a right angle, and wounded the postman, who was just coming to the door with a double letter from Northamptonshire.

Sir B. My uncle's account is more circumstantial, I confess; but I believe mine is the only true one, for

all that.

Lady S. I am more interested in this affair than they imagine, and must have better information. [Aside.][Exit LADY SNEERWELL. Sir B. Ah! Lady Sneerwell's alarm is very easily

accounted for.

Crab. Yes, yes, they certainly do say-but that's

neither here nor there.

Mrs. C. But, pray, where is Sir Peter at present? Crab. Oh! they brought him home, and he is now in the house, though the servants are ordered to deny him.

Mrs. C. I believe so, and Lady Teazle, I suppose, attending him.

Crab. Yes, yes; and I saw one of the faculty enter just before me.

Sir B. Hey! who comes here?

Crab. O, this is he; the physician, depend on't.
Mrs. C. O, certainly it must be the physician

and now we shall know.

Enter SIR OLIVER SURFACE.

Crab. Well, doctor, what hopes?

Mrs. C. Ay, doctor, how's your patient?

Sir B. Now, doctor, isn't it a wound with a small sword?

Crab. A bullet lodged in the thorax, for a hundred. Sir O. Doctor! a wound with a small sword! and a bullet in the thorax! Oons! are you mad, good people? Sir B. Perhaps, sir, you are not a doctor?

Sir O Truly I am to thank you for my degree, if I am.
Crab. Only a friend of Sir Peter's, then I presume.
But, sir, you must have heard of his accident?
Sir O. Not a word!

Crab. Not of his being dangerously wounded?
Sir O. The devil he is!

Sir B. Run through the body

Crab. Shot in the breast

Sir B. By one Mr. Surface

Crab. Ay, the younger.

Sir O. Hey! what the plague! you seem to differ strangely in your accounts: however, you agree that Sir Peter is dangerously wounded.

Sir B. O, yes, we agree in that.

Crab. Yes, yes, I believe there can be no doubt of that. Sir O. Then, upon my word, for a person in that situation, he is the most imprudent man alive; for here he comes walking, as if nothing at all was the

matter.

Enter SIR PETER TEAZLE.

Odd's heart, Sir Peter, you are come in good time, I promise you; for we had just given you over.

Sir B. Egad, uncle, this is the most sudden recovery!

Sir O. Why, man, what do you out of bed with a small sword through your body, and a bullet lodged in your thorax?

Sir P. A small sword, and a bullet!

Sir. O. Ay, these gentlemen would have killed you without law or physic, and wanted to dub me a doctor, to make me an accomplice.

Sir P. Why, what is all this?

Sir B. We rejoice, Sir Peter, that the story of the duel is not true, and are sincerely sorry for your other misfortune.

Sir P. So, so; all over the town already. [A side. Crab. Though, Sir Peter, you were certainly vastly to blame to marry at your years.

Sir P. Sir, what business is that of yours?

Mrs. C. Though, indeed, as Sir Peter made so good a husband, he's very much to be pitied.

Sir P. Plague on your pity, ma'am! I desire none of it.

Sir B. However, Sir Peter, you must not mind the laughing and jests you will meet with on the

occasion.

Sir P. Sir, sir, I desire to be master in my own house.

Crab. 'Tis no uncommon case, that's one comfort.

Sir P. I insist on being left to myself: without ceremony-I insist on your leaving my house directly. Mrs. C. Well, well, we are going, and depend on't we'll make the best report of it we can.

Sir P. Leave my house!

Crab. And tell how hardly you've been treated
Sir P. Leave my house!

Sir B. And how patiently you bear it.

[Exeunt Mrs. Candour, Sir Benjamin, and Crabtree. Sir P. Leave my house!-Fiends! vipers! furies! Oh! that their own venom would choke them!

Sir O. They are very provoking, indeed, Sir Peter.

Enter ROWLEY.

Row. I heard high words: what has ruffled you, sir? Sir P. Pshaw! what signifies asking? Do I ever pass a day without my vexations?

Row. Well, I'm not inquisitive.

Sir O. Well, I am not inquisitive; I come only to tell you that I have seen both my nephews in the manner we proposed.

Sir P. A precious couple they are!

Row. Yes, and Sir Oliver is convinced that your judgment was right, Sir Peter.

Sir O. Yes, I find Joseph is indeed the man, after all. Row. Ay, as Sir Peter says, he is a man of senti

ment.

Sir O. And acts up to the sentiments he professes. Row. It certainly is edification to hear him talk.

Sir O. Oh, he's a model for the young men of the age! But how's this, Sir Peter? You don't join us in your friend Joseph's praise, as I expected.

Sir P. Sir Oliver, we live in a damned wicked world, and the fewer we praise the better.

Row. What do you say so, Sir Peter, who were never mistaken in your life?

Sir P. Pshaw! Plague on you both! I see by your sneering you have heard the whole affair. I shall go mad among you!

Row. Then, to fret you no longer, Sir Peter, we are indeed acquainted with it all. I met Lady Teazle coming from Mr. Surface's so humble, that she deigned to request me to be her advocate with you.

Sir P. And does Sir Oliver know all this?

Sir O. Every circumstance.

Sir P. What of the closet and the screen, hey?

Sir O. Yes, yes, and the little French milliner. O, I have been vastly diverted with the story! Ha! ha! ha!

Sir P. 'Twas very pleasant.

Sir O. I never laughed more in my life, I assure 1: ha! ha! ha!

you:

Sir P. O, vastly diverting.! Ha! ha! ha!

Row. To be sure, Joseph with his sentiments: Ha! ha! ha!

Sir P. Yes, yes, his sentiments! Ha! ha! ha! Hypocritical villain!

Sir O. Ay, and that rogue Charles to pull Sir Peter out of the closet: Ha! ha! ha!

Sir P. Ha! ha! 'Twas devilish entertaining, to be sure!

Sir O. Ha! ha! ha! Egad, Sir Peter, I should

Egad,

Q

like to have seen your face when the screen was thrown down: Ha! ha!

Sir P. Yes, yes, my face when the screen was thrown down: Ha! ha! ha! Oh, I must never shew my head again!

Sir O. But come, come; it isn't fair to laugh at you neither, my old friend; though, upon my soul, I can't help it.

Sir P. O pray don't restrain your mirth on my account: it does not hurt me at all! I laugh at the whole affair myself. Yes, yes, I think being a standing jest for all one's acquaintance a very happy situation. O yes, and then of a morning to read the paragraphs about Mr. S-,Lady T--,and Sir P——, will be so entertaining! I shall certainly leave town to-morrow, and never look mankind in the face again.

Row. Without affectation, Sir Peter, you may despise the ridicule of fools: but I see Lady Teazle going towards the next room; I am sure you must desire a reconciliation as earnestly as she does.

Sir O. Perhaps my being here prevents her coming to you. Well, I'll leave honest Rowley to mediate between you; but he must bring you all presently to Mr. Surface's, where I am now returning, if not to reclaim a libertine, at least to expose hypocrisy. [Exit.

Sir P. Ah, I'll be present at your discovering yourself there with all my heart; though 'tis a vile unlucky place for discoveries. She is not coming here, you see, Rowley.

Row. No, but she has left the door of that room open, you perceive. See, she is in tears.

Sir P. Certainly a little mortification appears very becoming in a wife. Don't you think it will do her good to let her pine a little?

Row. Oh, this is ungenerous in you!

Sir P. Well, I know not what to think. You remember the letter I found of hers, evidently intented for Charles?

Row. A mere forgery, Sir Peter, laid in your way

« ÀÌÀü°è¼Ó »