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Abs. Really, sir, you have the advantage of me: I don't remember ever to have had the honour-my name is Saunderson, at your service.
Sir Anth. Sir, I beg your pardon-I took you—hey ?why, zounds ! it is-Stay—[Looks up to his face.] So, soyour humble servant, Mr. Saunderson? Why, you scoundrel, what tricks are you after now ?
Abs. Oh, a joke, sir, a joke. I came here on purpose to look for you, sir ?
Sir Anth. You did ! well, I am glad you were so lucky :but what are you muffled up.so for ?—what's this for ?hey!
Abs. 'Tis cool, sir; isn't it ?rather chilly somehowbut I shall be late--I have a particular engagement.
Sir Anth. Stay ~ Why, I thought you were looking for me?—Pray, Jack, where is 't you are going ?
Abs. Going, sir !
Abs. I was going, sir, to-to-to-to 'Lydia-sir, to Lydia—to make matters up if I could ;-and I was looking for you, sir, to-to
Sir Anth. To go with you, I suppose.- Well, come along.
Abs. Oh Izounds! no, sir, not for the world I-I wished to meet with you, sir,--to-to-to-You find it cool, I'm sure, sir—you'd better not stay out.
Sir Anth. Cool --not at all.-Well, Jack—and what will you say to Lydia ?
Abs. Oh, sir, beg her pardon, humour her-promise and vow: but I detain you, sir-consider the cold air on your gout. ! Sir Anth. Oh, not at 'all |--not at all ! I'm in no hurry.-Ah! Jack, you youngsters, when once you are wounded here (Putting his hand to CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE's breast] Hey! what the deuce have you got here?
Abs. Nothing, sir-nothing.
Sir Anth. What's this ?--here's something damned hard.
Abs. Oh, trinkets, sir ! trinkets !ta bauble for Lydia ! " Sir Anth. Nay, let me see your taste.-(Pulls his coat open, the sword falls.] Trinkets !-a bauble for Lydia Zounds ! sirrah, you are not going to cut her throat, are you?
Abs. Ha! ha! ha! I thought it would divert you, sir, though I didn't mean to tell you till afterwards.
Sir Anth. You didn't ?-Yes, this is a very diverting trinket, truly !
Abs. Sir, I'll explain to you.—You know, sir, Lydia is romantic, devilish romantic, and very absurd of course : now, sir, I intend, if she refuses to forgive me, to unsheath this sword, and swear-I'll fall upon its point, and expire at her feet!
Sir Anth. Fall upon a fiddlestick's end l-why, I suppose it is the very thing that would please her.-Get along, you fool !
Abs. Well, sir, you shall hear of my success—you shall hear.-0 Lydia! forgive me, or this pointed steel-says I.
Sir Anth. O booby! stab away and welcome-says she.Get along! and damn your trinkets !
[Exit CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE
Enter DAVID, running
Dav. Stop him! stop him! Murder! Thief ! Fire ! Stop fire ! Stop fire 1-0 Sir Anthony-call I call ! bid ’m stop ! Murder ! Fire !
Sir Anth. Fire ! Murder K-Where ?
Dav. Oons ! he's out of sight! and I'm out of breath! for my part ! O Sir Anthony! why didn't you stop him ? why didn't you stop him ?
Sir Anth. Zounds! the fellow's mad K-Stop whom ? Stop Jack ?
Dav. Ay, the captain, sir |-there's murder and slaughter
Sir Anth. Murder !
Dav. Ay, please you, Sir Anthony, there's all kinds of murder, all sorts of slaughter to be seen in the fields : there's fighting going on, sir-bloody sword-and-gun fighting!
Sir Anth. Who are going to fight, dunce ?
Dav. Everybody that I know of, Sir Anthony :-everybody is going to fight, my poor master, Sir Lucius O'Trigger, your son, the captain
Sir Anth. Oh, the dog! I see his tricks.-Do you know the place ?
Dav. Not an inch : but I'll call the mayor-aldermenconstables—churchwardens—and beadles—we can't be too many to part them.
Sir Anth. Come along-give me your shoulder ! we'll get assistance as we go—the lying villain |--Well, I shall be in such a frenzy KS0—this was the history of his trinkets ! I'll bauble him !
Enter SIR LUCIUS O’TRIGGER and ACRES, with pistols
Acres. By my valour! then, Sir Lucius, forty yards is a good distance. Odds levels and aims I-I say it is a good distance.
Sir Luc. Is it for muskets or small field-pieces ? Upon my conscience, Mr. Acres, you must leave those things to me.—Stay now—I'll show you.-[Measures paces along the stage.] There now, that is a very pretty distance-a pretty gentleman's distance.
Acres. Zounds ! we might as well fight in a sentry-box! I tell you, Sir Lucius, the farther he is off, the cooler I shall v take my aim.
Sir Luc. Faith! then I suppose you would aim at him best of all if he was out of sight!
Acres. No, Sir Lucius ; but I should think forty or eightand-thirty yards
Sir Luc. Pho! pho! nonsense ! three or four feet between the mouths of your pistols is as good as a mile.
Acres. Odds bullets, no l-by my valour! there is no merit in killing him so near : do, my dear Sir Lucius, let me bring him down at a long shot :-a long shot, Sir Lucius, if you love me !
Sir Luc. Well, the gentleman's friend and I must-settle that.—But tell me now, Mr. Acres, in case of an accident, is there any little will or commission I could execute for
Acres. I am much obliged to you, Sir Lucius—but I don't understand
Sir Luc. Why, you may think there's no being shot at without a little risk—and if an unlucky bullet should carry a quietus with it-I say it will be no time then to be bothering you about family matters.
Acres. A quietus !
Sir Luc. For instance, now—if that should be the case -would you choose to be pickled and sent home ?-or would it be the same to you to lie here in the Abbey ?I'm told there is very snug lying in the Abbey.
Acres. Pickled 1-Snug lying in the Abbey |--Odds tremors ! Sir Lucius, don't talk so ! Sir Luc. I suppose, Mr. Acres, you never were eng
ed in an affair of this kind before ?
Acres. No, Sir Lucius, never before.
Sir Luc. Ah! that's a pityl-there's nothing like being used to a thing.--Pray now, how would you receive the gentleman's shot ?
Acres. Odds files I've practised that—there, Sir Lucius--there.—[Puts himself in an attitude.] A side-front,
Odd! I'll make myself small enough: I?ll stand edgeways.
Sir Luc. Now you 're quite out-for if you stand so when I take my aim
(Levelling at him Acres. Zounds! Sir *Lucius-are you sure it is not cocked ?
Sir Luc. Never fear.
Acres. But-but--you don't know-it may go off of its own head!
Sir Luc. Phol be easy.-Well, now if I hit you in the body, my bullet has a double chance--for if it misses a vital part of your right side-twill be very hard if it don't succeed on the left !
Acres. A vital part !
Sir Luc. But, there--fix yourself so--[Placing him]-let him see the broad-side of your full front-there-now a ball or two may pass clean through your body, and never do any harm at all,
Acres. Clean through me ka ball or two clean through me...
Sir Luc. Ay-may they--and it is much the genteelest attitude into the bargain.
Acres. Look’ee ! Sir Lucius-I'd just as lieve be shot in an awkward posture as a genteel one; só, by my valour ! I will stand edgeways.
Sir Luc. (Looking at his watch.] Sure they don't mean to disappoint us--Hahno, faith-I think I see them coming.
Acres. Hey |—what -coming 1
Sir Luc. Ay.-Who are those yonder getting over the stile ?
Acres. There are two of them indeed well—let them come-hey, Sir Lucius -we-we-we-we-won't run.
Sir Luc. Run!.
Acres. Nothing-nothing-my dear friend-my dear Sir Lucius—but 1-1-I don't feel quite so bold, somehow, as I did.
Sir Luc. O fy consider your honour.
Acres. Ay-true-my honour. : Do, Sir Lucius, edge in a word or two every now and then about my honour. Sir Luc. Well, here they ’re coming.
[Looking Acres. Sir Lucius-if I wa’n’t with you, I should almost think I was afraid. If my valour should leave me Valour will come and go.
Sir Luc. Then pray keep it fast, while you have it.
Acres. Sir LuciusI doubt it is going-yes-t-my valour is certainly going! -it is sneaking off füt. it oozing out as it were at the palms of my hands i
Sir Luc. Your honour-your honour.—Here they are.
Acres. O mercy - now—that I was safe at Clod-Hall ! or could be shot before I was' aware !
Enter FAULKLAND and CAPTAIN ABSOLUTÉ
Sir Luc. Gentlemen, your most obedient. Hah l-what, Captain Absolute So, I suppose, sir, you are come here, just like myself—to do a kind office, first for your friendthen to proceed to business on your own account.
Acres. What, Jack my dear Jack +my dear friend ! Abs, Hark'ee, Bob, Beverley's at hand.
Sir Luc. Well, Mr. Acres—I don't blame your saluting the gentleman civilly.-(To FAULKLAND.) So, Mr. Beverley, if you 'll choose your weapons, the captain and I will measure the ground.
Faulk. My weapons, sir !
Acres. Odds life! Sir Lucius, I'm not going to fight Mr. Faulkland; these are my particular friends.
Sir Luc. What, sir, did you not come here to fight Mr. Acres ?
Faulk. Not I, upon my word, sir.