Rob. What! you hav'n't heard then? Oh, Rob. It's all true, Dolly, as sure as the I'm glad of that! for I shall have the fun of devil's in Lunnun. telling you. Dol. Well, sit down then, and eat your dinner; I have made you some nice hard dumplings. Rob. Dumplings! Damn dumplings. Dol. Damn dumplings--La, mother, he damns dumplings.-Oh, what a shame! Do you know what you are saying, Robin? Rob. Never talk to me of dumplings. Mar. But I'll talk of dumplings though indeed. I shouldn't have thought of such behaviour: dumplings are very wholesome food, quite good enough for you, I'm sure. [Very angry. Rob. Are they, mother Margery? [Upsets the Table, and dances on the Plates, etc. and sings] Tol de rol lol. Dol. What! are you in right down arnest? Rob. Yes, I am his lordship's dead, and he has left word as how that my mother was his wife, and I his son. Dol. What! Rob. Yes, Dolly, and you shall be my lady, Rob. Yes, you shall. Dol. Ecod, that will be fine fun-my lady- Mar. Oh dear! the boy's mad; there's all Rob. Doan'tye laugh so; I don't half like [Shakes her] Dolly! Dol. Oh, my dear Robin, I can't help laughing Rob. The wench will go beside herself to Rob. Now doan'tye cry now, Dolly; doan't-a sartainty. ye cry. Dol. But now is it true in arnest? Dol. I will cry, for you behave very ill. Rob. Ay, as sure as you are there. But Rob. No, doan'tye, Dolly, doan'tye, now. - come, what shall we do? where shall we go? [Shows a Purse. Oh! we'll go and see old mother Dickens; Dol. How did you come by that, Robin? you know she took my part, and was very Mar. What, a purse of gold? let me see.- kind to me when poor mother died; aud now [Snatches it, and sits down to she's very ill, and I'll go and give her some count the Money. thing to comfort her old soul. Lord! Lord! Dol. What have you been about, Robin? I have heard people say as riches won't make Rob. No, I have not been about robbing a body happy; but while it gives me the I have been about being made a lord of, power of doing so much good, I'm sure I shall be the happiest dog alive. that's all. Dol. What are you talking about? Your head's turn'd, I'm sure. Rob. Well, I know it's turn'd; it's turn'd from a clown's head to a lord's. I say, Dolly, how should you like to live in that nice place at the top o'the hill, yonder? Dol. Oh, I should like it very much, Robin; it's a nice cottage. Rob. Doan't talk to me of cottages, I mean the castle! Dol. Why, what is your head running upon? Mar. Every one golden guineas, as I'm a vartuous woman. Where did you get 'em, Robin? ACT II [Exeunt SCENE I.-The Road to the Castle. Frank. Well, then, to the house of woe I must return again. And can I take no comfort with me? nothing to cheer my loving wife and helpless children? What misery to see them want! Enter ROBIN, unobserved by FRANK Rob. Want! No, there shall be no such thing as want where I am-Who talks of want? Frank. My own distress I could bear wed, very well; but to see my helpless innocents enduring all the woes poverty brings with it, [Exit. is more than I can bear. Rob. Why, where there's more to be had. Mar. Ay, I always said Robin was a clever lad. I'll go and put these by. Dol. Now, do tell me what you've been about. Where did you find all that money? Rob. Dolly, Dolly, gee'us a buss, and I'll tell thee all about it. Dol. Twenty, an' you pleasen, Robin. Rob. And more than I can bear too. Frank. To-day I almost fear they have not tasted food. dame'd Rob. And I ha' been stuffing my guts enough to make 'em burst. Rob. But I'll tell you how it is-it's because Drops more Money into his Hat I'm the richest fellow in all these parts; and Frank. How happy once my state! Where'er if I hav'n't it here, I have it here [Pointing I turned my eyes good fortune smiled up to his Head and his Pocket] That castle's me; then, did the poor e'er tell a tale of wo mine, and all these fields, up to the very sky. without relief? Were not my doors open to Dol. No, no; come, Robin, that won't do. the unfortunate? Rob. Won't it?-I think it will do very well. Rob. How glad I be as I be-a lord. Hey, Dol. No, no; you are running your rigs-what! Yes it is; it's Mr. Frank. Lord, sur, I know you are, Robin. I'm very glad as I met with you. Frank. Why so, my friend? Rob. Because you be mortal poor, and I be mortal rich; and I'll share my last farthing with you. Frank. Thank you, my kind lad. reason have you? But what Rob. What reason have I? Why, you gave me when I wanted it. Frank. I can't remember. Rob. Well, but you'll come back? 895 Rob. Noto-night-Doo'e favour me; I want to speak to you. Frank. I have a long way to walk, and it wi!! refuse you nothing. will be very late before I can return; but I Rob. Thank ye, sir; you're very kind! I shall stay till you come, if it's all night. [Exeunt. Enter RATTLE. --- Rob. Mayhap not; but that's no reason as I should forget it; it's a long time ago, too; but it made such a mark here, that time won't rub it out. Rat. Well, every thing's prepar'd for my It's now, fourteen mother died; she was very ill one day when fear but I shall find means to terrify the enemy, years sin poor attack on the castle to-night; and I don't much you happen'd to come by our cottage, and and make him surrender at discretion saw me stand blubbering at the door; I was yes, master Snacks, I shall soon be with you. then about this high. You took me by the [Shouting, Music, and ringing of Bells - Yes, hand; and I shall never forget the look you without What a damn'd racket here is in gave me, when you ax'd me what was the the village to-day!-I wonder what it's all matter with me; and when I told you, you about? call'd me a good lad, and went in and talk'd to mother. From that time you came to see Enter ROBIN. her ev'ry day, and gave her all the help as Holloa, there! Stop, my fine fellow. Pray can you could; and when she died, poor soul! you tell me what all this uproar is about in you buried her: and if ever I forget such the village? kindness, I hope good luck will for ever forget me! Frank. Tell me your name: mind me. it will re Rob. Why, you be master Rattle from Lunnun. Rat. Well, I don't want to be told that. Rob. Robin Roughead, your honour; to- a damn'd honest fellow, and I like thee; I do Rob. Gee us your hand, Rattle; thou bee'st day I be come to be lord of all this estate; indeed. and the first good I find of it is, that I am able to make you happy-[Stuffing the Money Rat. Very familiar, upon my into his Pockets] Come up to the castle, have the three pounds to pay his rent with; Rob. I lik'd you ever sin you let old Toppin word. and I'll give you as much money as you can and now whilst I think on't, here 'tis again— carry away in a-sack. Frank. Proud wealth, look here for an money here but myself. take it, for I won't let any body give away example! My generous heart, how shall I thank you? Rob. Lord! Lord! doan't think of thanking a man for paying his debts. Besides, if you only know'd how I feel all o'er mekind of a-I could cry for joy. - it's a Fank. What sympathy is in that honest bosom! But how has this good fortune come to you? Rob. Why, that poor woman as you buried was wife to his lordship: he has own'd it on his death bed, and left word as I'm his son. Frank. How strange are the vicissitudes of life! Rob. Now, sir, I am but a simple lad, as a body may say; and if you will but be so good as to help me with your advice, I shall take it very kind of you, sir. Frank. I thank you for the good opinion you have of me; and as far as my poor abilities ტი, they shall be at your service. Rat. Why, what in the name of wonder open a shop here for the sale of bad debts. is all this? What are you at? I think I'll Rob. Here, take the money. Rat. Put it up, my fine fellow! you'll want it, perhaps. an odd thousand, and set you up in a shop? Rob. Me want money! Shall I lend you Rat. Why, who the devil are you? Rob. Why, doan't ye know? I be Robin. sing like a goldfinch. Rat. Robin, are you? 'Egad, I think you Rob. Very well, Rattle, that's a good joke. master Robin; you are queering me, I believe. Rat. Why, curse me if I am up to you, the castle, Rattle. You see, I'm not asham'd Why, what do you mean? Rob. Thank ye, sir, thank ye! But pray Rob. I can't stop to talk to you any longer what bad luck made you so devilish poor? Good by, Rattle; thou bee'st an honest Frank. It would take a long time to tell castle. fellow, and I shall be glad to see thee at the you the story of my misfortunes; but I owe them to the oppression of Mr. Snacks, the And have I liv'd all my days in LombardRat. I declare I'm quite dumb-founder'd.— [Excit. steward. Rob. Snacks! Oh, damn' un! I'll do for him [Laughing, Music, ringing of Bells, etc. street for this to be humbug'd by a clown? soon: he's rotten here, master Frank: I do without] I believe the people are all mad tothink as how he's a damn'd old rogue. Frank. Judge not too harshly. day; I can't think what they are at. Rob. Come, sir, will you go up to the castle? Frank. Excuse me; the relief which you have so generously given me, enables me to return to my family. Here, here, Hob! I want to speak with you. SCENE UI-A handsome Apartment in the Snacks. What a cunning dog it is!-he's up to me now, but I think I shall be down upon him by-and-by- [Aside. Exit. Rob. Ha! ha! ha! how he hopp'd about and balloo'd—but I'll work him a little more yet. Re-enter SNACKS. ROBIN and SNACKS discovered, Rob. [Rather tipsy] Well, Snacks, this is very good stuff. I don't know as ever I drank any before; what do you call this, Snacks? Snacks. Port wine, an't please your lord-Well, Snacks, what d'ye think of your danship. cing-master? Rob. Yes, Port wine pleases his lordshipI wonder where this comes from!-Oh! from the Red Sea, I suppose. Snacks. No, my lord: there's plenty of spirits there, but no wine, I believe. Rob. Well, one more thing fall; only one, because you know, now I am a lord, I must not make a beast of myself-that's not like a nobleman, you know. Snacks. Your lordship must do as your lordship pleases. Rob. Must I? then give us t'other sup. Snacks. I think his lordship is getting rather forward- I'll bring my daughter upon the carpet presently. Enter Servant. [Aside. Snacks. I hope your lordship won't give me any more lessons at present; for, to say the truth, I don't much like the accompaniment. Rob. You must have a lesson every day, or you'll forget the step. Snacks. No:-your lordship bas taken care Snacks. Oh, don't think of her. Rob. A what?-Take care, or I shall make you dance another hornpipe. Snacks. I only mean to say, that she's too low for your lordship. Sere. Please you, master Snacks, here's Rob. Too low! why, what was I just now?John the carter says he's so lame he can't If I thought riches would make me such a walk, and he hopes you'll let him have a poney rascal as to use the poor girl illa fig for to-morrow, to ride by the waggon. 'em all; I'd give 'em up, and be plain Robin, honest Robin, again. No:- I've given Dolly my promise, and I'll never break it. Snacks, Can't walk, can't he?-lame, is he? Snacks. And what does he mean by being fame at this busy time?-tell him he must walk; it's my will. Rob. You, sir, bring me John's whip, will you? [Exit Servant] That's right, Snacks: damn the fellow, what business has he to be lame! Snacks. Oh, please your lordship, it's ast much as I can do to keep these fellows in order. Rob. Oh, they are sad dogs not walk, indeed! I never heard of such impudence. Snacks. Oh, shameful, shameful! if I was behind him, I'd make him walk. Enter Servant, with a Whip, which he Rob. Come, Snacks, dance me a hornpipe. Rob. A hornpipe. Snacks. My daughter's very beautiful. Rob. Dang it, you talk a great deal:-come, we'll go and have a look at her. [Exeunt. SCENE IV.-A Chamber, with a Picture hanging over a Closet-door. Enter RATTLE and MISS NANCY. Rat. Well, you see I've gained admission, notwithstanding your father's order to the contrary. Nan. Yes; but how do you mean to get his consent to Rat. Why, as to his consent, I don't value it a button: but then five thousand pounds is a sum not to be sneezed at. I have given the old boy a bit of a hint to-night that he didn't much relish. Nan. I expect my father here every minute, with his new-made lordship Rat. Indeed! then only hide me in this Snacks. A hornpipe! I can't dance, my room, and the business is done. lord. Nan. That I will, where nobody can find Rob. Come, none of your nonsense; I know you, I'm sure; - I have a closet behind this you can dance; why, you was made for picture of the old lord, made, I believe, to dancing-there's a leg and foot-Come, begin! hide the family plate and jewels in; but it's Snacks. Here's no music. quite forgotten now. [Opens it. Rob. Isn't there? then I'll soon make some- Rat. Ŏh, it was made on purpose for me; Lookye, here's my fiddlestick; how d'ye like I'll put a jewel into it presently-Here [Gices it?Come, Snacks, you must dance; it's a Paper]-let this lie carelessly on the table; it's worth five thousand pounds. Snacks. [Without] This way, this way, my lord. my_will. Snacks. Indeed I'm not able. Rob. Not able! Oh, shameful, shameful! Come, come, you must dance; it's my will. [Whips him. Snacks. Must I?-Then here goes[Hops about. Rob. What, d'ye call that dancing fit for a lord? Come, quicker, quicker — [Whips Snacks round the Stage, who roars out]There, that will do; now go and order John the carter the poney-will you? Rat. O, damn it! here they come; tell him you've been frighten'd by a ghost; and if he signs the paper, give a loud cough. [Puts the Paper on the Table, and exit into the Closet. Enter SNACKS and ROBIN. Snacks. There, there she is isn't she a beauty? What do you say now? Rob. Why, I say she is not fit to hold a candle to my Dolly. Mar: [Without] Only let me catch hold of him, I'll give it him--an old, abominable— Enter MARGERY. - Nan. Pretty courtship indeed. Snacks. Ah, you'll alter your mind soon; I know you will. Come, let's sit down and Oh, you are there, are you? You wicked talk of it. [They sit wretch!-let me get at him- [Runs after Nan. [To Snacks] Oh, my dear sir, I've Snacks, and beats him]- A pretty pack of been so frighten'd-Do you know I think I've lies you have told; you old ragamuffin, you seen the very ghost that alarm'd you so once. Snacks. A what? a ghost?-O Lord, I hope not. I hate the very sight of 'em: It's very odd; but-[Starting]--didn't I hear a noise? Nan. Oh, sir, that's a very common thing in this part of the castle; I have been most terribly frighten'd lately. Rob. Why, what frighten'd you?—We are all good people here; they won't hurt us will they, Snacks? Snacks. No, no-they-that is-[Alarmed. Ral. Hear! Snacks. Lord ha' mercy upon me? [Kneels. advice of that wretch. Rob, I doan't intend it. Rat. He'll betray you! your intended bride he has imprison'd in the yellow chamber; go, set her at liberty. Enter ROBIN and DOLLY. Sere. Please you, master Snacks, the bai liffs ha' gotten master Frank, and ha' bringing him here. Rob. What! the bailiffs got him?-Oh, you old rascal! [To Snacks]-Let him come here in a moment! [Exit Servont] — Ok, Snacks, I'm sorry for you; for I'm sure your can't be happy: -a man as does so much harm, and so little good, never can be happy, I'm sure: Enter MR. FRANK. I be very sorry as they us'd you so, Mr. Frank. I know your heart too well to think you could. Rob. What! my Dolly?-has he imprison'd her in the yellow chamber?-Oh, dang your old head! [Knocks Snacks down, and exit. Rob. I have a great favour to ask of you, Rat. Wretch! restore your ill-gotten wealth Mr. Frank: you see we've rather found Snacks -twenty-six thousand pounds in the five per out;-now, will you-dang it, will you take cents. Snacks. I'll do any thing that you command. care of me, and come and live in the castle with me, and give me your advice?—you know how I mean; like-teach me a bit, you know, Frank. You are too generous, but I accept your proffered kindness; and, by my care and attention to your welfare, will repay a small part of the debt I owe you. Rat. How do you do? how are you? Snacks. Give me the paper. Rob. Now, then, I am happy, with such Rat. Not a word twenty-six thousand friend as Mr. Frank-Dolly, we shall know pounds in the five per cents. Now, dear how to take care of ourselves and our neighNancy, you are mine, and five thousand pounds. bours-and I'll take care that poor folk shafi Snacks. You to rebel against me too, you bless the day as made me a lord. baggage. WHO'S THE DUPE? Tars lively Farce was produced, in 1779, by Mrs. Cowley, a Indy whose naturally superior gifts, refined by eltivation, were particularly devoted to the service of the dramatic muse. The judgment and contrivance evinend o after-piece, and the truly laughable mode in which it is conducted, are creditable to the varied talent of the abras -In spite of Granger's impolite definition of woman, to be "only one of nature's agreeable blanders,” the ladon wa probably agree with Miss Doiley in her choice, and rejection of so non-descript a lover as Gradus: scholastic suprès ment must be interspersed and seasoned with the ordinary but indispensable trifles of life, or society will depe mi ridicule it). In old Dolley, the positive mandates of ignorance are fairly exposed, and the lovers are entitled ́ar kqpiness, who have so ingeniously deleated their influence. *) "When follies are pointed out, and vanity ridiculed, it may be very improving; and perhaps the sage & ma only place where ridicale is useful."—Wollstonecraft. |
