Ori. But why will you trouble yourself with that coxcomb? Bis. Because he is a coxcomb; had I not better have a lover like him, that I can make an ass of, than a lover like yours, to make a fool of me. [Knocking below] A message from Mirabel, I'll lay my life. [She runs to the Door] Come hither, run; thou charming nun, come hither. Ori. What's the news? Bis. Don't you see who's below? Ori. I see nobody but a friar. Bis. Ah! thou poor blind Cupid! O'my conscience, these hearts of ours spoil our heads instantly! the fellows no sooner turn knaves than we turn fools. A friar! don't you see a villanous genteel mein under that cloak of hypocrisy? Ori. As I live, Mirabel turn'd friar! I hope, in heaven, he's not in earnest. Bis. In earnest: ha, ha, ha! are you in earnest? Now's your time; this disguise he has certainly taken for a passport, to get in and try your resolutions; stick to your habit, to be sure; treat him with disdain, rather than anger; for pride becomes us more than passion: remember what I say, if you would yield to advantage, and hold out the attack; to draw him on, keep him off to be sure. The cunning gamesters never gain too fast, Enter MIRABEL in a Friar's Habit. [Exit. Mir. Save you, sister-Your brother, young lady, having a regard for your soul's health, has sent me to prepare you for the sacred habit by confession. Ori. That's false; the cloven-foot already. [Aside] My brother's care I own; and to you, sacred sir, confess, that the great crying sin which I have long indulg'd, and now prepare to expiate, was love. Mir. She's downright stark mad in earnest; death and confusion, I have lost her! [Aside] You confess your fault, madam, in such moving terms, that I could almost be in love with the sin. Ori. Take care, sir; crimes, like virtues, are their own rewards; my chief delight became my only grief; he in whose breast I thought my heart secure, turn'd robber, and despoil'd the treasure that he kept. Mir. Perhaps that treasure he esteems so much, that like the miser, though afraid to use it, he reserves it safe. Ori. No, holy father: who can be miser in another's wealth, that's prodigal of his own? His heart was open, shar'd to all he knew; and what, alas! must then become of mine? but the same eyes that drew this passion in, shall send it out in tears, to which now hear my vow Mir. [Discovering himself] No, my fair angel, but let me repent; here on my knees behold the criminal that Vows repentance his.-Ha! no concern upon her? Enter Old MIRABEL. O. Mir. Where, where's this counterfeit nun? Mir. What do I hear? [Puts on his Hood] What did you say, sir? O. Mir. I say she's a counterfeit, and you may be another for aught I know, sir; I have lost my child by these tricks, sir. Mir. What tricks, sir? O. Mir. By a pretended trick, sir. A contrivance to bring my son to reason, and it has made him stark mad ; I have lost him and a thousand pounds a year. Mir. Discovering himself] My dear father, I'm your most humble servant. O. Mir. My dear boy, welcome ex inferis, my dear boy, 'tis all a trick, she's no more a nun than I am. Mir. No! O. Mir. The devil a bit. Mir. Then thank ye, my dear dad, for the most happy news-And now, most venerable holy sister. [Kneels. Your mercy and your pardon I implore, For the offence of asking it before. Lookye, my dear counterfeiting nun, take my advice, be a nun in good earnest; women make the best nuns always when they can't do otherwise. Ori. O! sir, how unhappily have you destroy'd what was so near perfection! He is the counterfeit that has deceiv'd you. O. Mir. Ha! Lookye, sir, I recant, she is a nun. Mir. Sir, your humble servant, then I'm a friar this moment. O. Mir. Was ever an old fool so banter'd by a brace o'young ones; hang you both, you're both counterfeits, and my plot's spoil'd, that's all. Ori. Shame and confusion, love, anger, and disappointment, will work my brain to madness. [Takes off her Habit, and exit. Mir. Ay, ay, throw by the rags, they have serv'd a turn for us both, and they shall e'en go off together. [Exit, throwing away the Habit. SCENE III. Old MIRABEL's House. Enter DURETETE, with a Letter. Dur. [Reads] My rudeness was only a proof of your humour, which I have found so agreeable, that I own myself penitent, and willing to make any reparation upon your first appearance to BISARRE. Mirabel swears she loves me, and this confirms it; then farewell gallantry, and welcome revenge; 'tis my turn now to be upon the sublime; I'll take her off, I warrant her. Enter BISARRE. Well, mistress, do you love me? Bis. I hope, sir, you will pardon the modesty ofDur. Of what? of a dancing devil? me, I say? Bis. Perhaps I Dur. What? Bis. Perhaps I do not. Do you love Dur. Ha! abus'd again! Death, woman, I'll- Dur. Confirm it then by your obedience; stand there, and ogle me now, as if your heart, blood, and soul were like to fly out at your eyes-First, the direct surprise. [She looks full upon him] Right; next the deux yeux par oblique. [She gives him the side glance] Right; now depart and languish. [She turns from him and looks over her Shoulder] Very well; now sigh. [She sighs] Now drop your fan on purpose. [She drops her Fan Now take it up again: Come now, confess your faults; are not you a proud-say after me. Bis. Proud. Dur. Impertinent. Bis. Puppy. Dur. Zoons! woman, don't provoke me, we are alone, and you don't know but the devil may tempt me to do you a mischief; ask my pardon immediately. Bis. I do, sir, I only mistook the word. Dur. Cry then; have you got e'er a handkerchief? Bis. Yes, sir. Dur. Cry then, handsomely; cry like a queen in a tragedy. [She pretending to cry, bursts out a laughing. Enter Six Ladies, laughing. Bis. Ha, ha, ha! Ladies. Ha, ha, ha! Dur. Hell broke loose upon me, and all the furies flutter'd about my ears! Betray'd again! Bis. That you are upon my word, my dear captain; ha, ha, ha! Dur. The Lord deliver me. 1 Lady. What! is this the mighty man with the bullface that comes to frighten ladies? Bis. A man! It's some great dairy-maid in man's clothes. Dur. Lookye, dear Christian women, pray hear me. Bis. Will you ever attempt a lady's honour again? Dur. If you please to let me get away with my honour, I'll do any thing in the world. Bis. Will you persuade your friend to marry mine? Dur. O yes, to be sure. Bis. And will you do the same by me? Dur. Burn me if I do, if the coast be clear. [Exit. Bis. Ha, ha, ha! Come, ladies, we'll go make an end of our tea. [Exeunt. Enter MIRABEL and Old MIRABEL. Mir. Your patience, sir. I tell you I won't marry; and though you send all the bishops in France to persuade me, I shall never believe their doctrine against their practice. You would compel me to that state, which I have heard you curse yourself, when my nother and you have battled it for a whole week together. O. Mir. Never but once, you gue, and that was when she long'd for six Flanders mares: Ay, sir, then she was breeding of you, which show'd what an expensive dog I should have of you. Enter PETIT. Well, Petit, how does she now? Pet. Mad, sir, con pompos-Ay, Mr. Mirabel, you'll believe that I speak truth now, when I confess that I have told you hitherto nothing but lies; our jesting is come to a sad earnest, she's downright distracted. Re-enter BISARRE. Bis. Where is this mighty victor?- -The great exploit is done; go triumph in the glory of your conquest, inhuman, barbarous man! O sir, [To Old Mirabel] your wretched ward has found a tender guardian of you; where her young innocence expected protection, here has she found her ruin. O.Mir. Ay, the fault is mine, for I believe that rogue won't marry, for fear of begetting such another disobedient son as his father did. I have done all I can, madam, and now can do no more than run mad for company. Enter DUGARD, with his Sword drawn. Dug Away! Revenge, revenge. [Cries. O. Mir. Patience, patience, sir. [Old Mirabel holds him] Bob, draw. [Aside. |
