First Performed at the Royal Olympic Theatre, Thursday, November 25th, 1852.

CAST OF CHARACTERS.

Christopher Cockletop (Attorney, and Clerk to Police and

Sessions Courts)

Thomas (otobed Smith

Mr. Cooke.

Mr. Compton. Mr. Shalders. Master Marchant.

Mr. Laporte.

{Mr. Harris

Mrs. Bartlett.

Miss Ellen Turner.

Miss Pitt.
Miss H. Pitt.

COSTUMES.

COCKLETOP.-Black body coat, waistcoat and breeches, long black gaiters, and shoes.

SMITH.-Drab shooting-coat, light waistcoat and trowsers with the Yankee stripe, wide-awake hat, long rough black coat with high collar and red lining.

LARRY.-Rough blue jacket and trowsers, red waistcoat, high boots, glazed hat, cutlass and belt.

MRS. SMITH

SALLY

Ordinary wedding dresses.

RELATIVE POSITIONS.

R. means Right; L. Left; R. D. Right Door; L. D. Left Door; S. E. Second Entrance; U. E. Upper Entrance; M. D. Middle Door; F. the Flat; D. F. Door in Flat.

GOTOBED ΤΟΜ.

SCENE.-On the right, COCKLETOP's House, with brass plate on door; practicable ground-floor window-On the left, a substantial Shop, inscribed "Sarah Smith, Widow, Dealer in Coffee, Tea, Tobacco, and Snuff" this inscription conspicuous-A bench before the window-At the back, a cliff and flagstaff-In distance the Thames, with vessels, &c.

Enter LARRY O'LUGGER and SALLY SMITH, from Shop, L. H.

Lar. Come, Miss Sally-dear Miss Sally-don't be afraid. Don't I tell you your mamma ain't at home, 'cause she's gone out ?—and while the cat's away, can't the mice be happy and comfortable ?

Sal. But I don't want to be happy and comfortable; and it's very unkind of you to want me to be happy and comfortable, Sir, when you know everything's settled for your marriage with my mamma, and this very morning you lead her to the Hymen-evil Altar, you monster you?

Lar. It's all a mistake. The elderly ould woman has put all my sweethearting of you down to her own score. I hadn't the heart to tell her 'twasn't ould Sally but young Sally I was after. I couldn't hurt her feelings.

Sal. You should have spoke out, Sir.

Lar. I would if I could.

Sal. You ought to have could, Sir,

Lar. But if I couldn't, how could I? Here am I, Mr. Larry O'Lugger, Esquire, a Preventive Service Man of the Margate Coast Guard, put up to put down smuggling, and to think that I can't do myself the service to prevent this desperate female smuggling me into matrimony! But never mind, when I'm your father I'll take care you don't marry anybody but me.

Sal. You? don't talk nonsense. Good bye, Sir: I've got to go to the dressmaker's and get mother's wedding cap that she means to cock at you. (crying) Oh! Oh! When next we meet you'll be my father-good bye, papa. Oh! Oh!

Lar. (crying) Oh! Oh! I must do something despe rate, and desperate quick. First, I'll run down to our Station-perhaps I shall pick up an idea on the road. In less than half-an-hour expect me back.

Mrs. S. (from COCKLETOP's house) Come along. Why won't you come along, Mr. Cockletop?

Cockle. (from the same) Mrs. Smith, you're too impetu

ous.

Sal. (frightened) Mother, I declare, with Mr. Cockle top the lawyer!

Lar.

With who?

Sal. The lawyer.

Lar. The divil! Then I'll slip my cable and run. You steer to the dressmaker's, and mind the wedding cap fits you, for I tell you nobody else shall wear it. They're coming!-run, my darlin'. [Exit SALLY, L. -It's a deal too bad that a young man should suffer like this, and all because he can't hurt a woman's feelings! [Exit, R. U. E.

Enter MRS. SMITH and COCKLETOP, from COCKLETOP'S house, R. H.

Mrs. S. Mr. Cockletop, I'm surprised at you; here have I been waiting for you a good half-hour, and let me tell you that bridling one's self on one's bridal morning's no joke, Sir.

Cockle. And so you have chosen another husband, number two, eh, Mrs. Smith? I don't doubt he'll turn out a better bargain than your number one.

Mrs. S. What does the man mean by number two and number one?

Cockle. Why, I presume you haven't quite forgot, Mrs. Smith, that there was one such a being in existence as poor Mr. Smith.

Mrs. S. Indeed, but I have forgot, Sir, and I beg you'll recollect to forget him too; I'm sure the only good he ever did his wife was when he made a widow of her.

Cockle. Well, well, poor Tom! poor Tom Gotobed Smith! Gotobed Tom, as we used to call him. I never saw him after we left school together. A promising fellow he was then

mise.

Mrs. S. Well, I'll just tell you how he kept his paoWhen he married me, he took the Golden Horn at Broadstairs-that was in the year 1800, and it's now 1820. Let me see, how long ago shall we call that?

Cockle. I should say not a great way from twenty years.

Mrs. S. Well then, twenty years ago, come Michaelmas, I went to Canterbury for a batch of Michaelmas geese; I found the geese at Canterbury, but when I came back, that goose, Smith, was not to be found-the bird was flownand I never set eyes on my husband again from that blessed moment!

Cockle. The report was, warrants were out against him for smuggling.

Mrs. S. So he was told on the sly by his friend Mr. Docket, Justice's Clerk at that time; and certainly, three or four casks of that dear irresistible liquor, French brandy, were found a day or two before, floating in the sea at the foot of our garden: but Smith was innocent: I'll do him the justice to say, Smith was too great a coward for smuggling.

Cockle. Then why didn't he stand his trial? Why bring down Outlawry with Civil Death by running away? However, it was lucky the poor devil got clear off and died safe in America some ten years ago-in fact it was very sensible of him to die there.

Mrs. S. (wiping her eyes) Very.

Cockle. Because it saved him the mortification of being -transported here.

Mrs. S. It was, indeed, a great consolation for his inconsolable widow.

Cockle. Yes, it enabled her to marry again.

Mrs. S. Ah, such a man! I'd trust him with my last penny. By-the-by, you recollect my wish about the settlements, Mr. Cockletop.

Cockle. Perfectly; with very proper confidence in your future husband, you've taken care to settle every farthing of your property on yourself.

Lar. (heard singing, R. U. E.) “Of all the girls in our town"

Mrs. S. I hear him! I should know that dear, merry, good-looking voice among a thousand!

Cockle. Well, two's company, they say: so I'll just run for the papers.

Mrs. S. And be quick about it. My friends the Gimps and Bobbinses go to church with us-we can't go without you. You know you've got to give me away.

Cockle. (taking her hand with sentiment) The office is flattering to me. Mrs. Smith, I've known you long-indeed, so perfectly do I know your worth, I'll give you away with pleasure. [Exit into house, R.

Lar.

Enter LARRY, R. U. E.

(L.) I think this plan of mine can't fail-I think I can't fail to have the pleasure of saying good-bye to my bride for three or on the least favorable calculation. Larry, my darlin', you're a clever boy entirely.

(sings) "There's none like blooming Sally."

Mrs. S. Now to try the effect of blooming Sally's presence. (taps him on shoulder)

Lar. Mrs. Smith, why do you take away a man's breathing like that? Well, and how's yourself and all your family, Mrs. Smith? I don't see Miss Sally.

Mrs. S. (coldly) Miss Sally, Sir? We surely don't want that child now!

Lar. Oh, no, only she's such a child! Somehow it does one's eyes good just to look at her cheeks: so fresh-so red and white-such a picture

Mrs. S. (loudly) Sir!

Lar. (aside) Murder! (aloud) Yes-I repeat—such a picture-of her mother.

Mrs. S. (smiling) The girl is certainly handsome, and the likeness has been remarked before.