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Lar. But if I couldn't, how could I? Here am I, Mr. Larry O'Lugger, Esquire, a Preventive Service Man of the Margate Coast Guard, put up to put down smuggling, and to think that I can't do myself the service to prevent this desperate female smuggling me into matrimony! But never mind, when I'm your father I'll take care you don't marry anybody but me.

Sal. You? don't talk nonsense. Good bye, Sir: I've got to go to the dressmaker's and get mother's wedding cap that she means to cock at you. (crying) Oh! Oh! When next we meet you'll be my father-good bye, papa. Oh! Oh!

Lar. (crying) Oh! Oh! I must do something despe rate, and desperate quick. First, I'll run down to our Station-perhaps I shall pick up an idea on the road. In less than half-an-hour expect me back.

Mrs. S. (from COCKLETOP's house) Come along. Why won't you come along, Mr. Cockletop?

Cockle. (from the same) Mrs. Smith, you're too impetu

ous.

Sal. (frightened) Mother, I declare, with Mr. Cockle top the lawyer!

Lar.

With who?

Sal. The lawyer.

Lar. The divil! Then I'll slip my cable and run. You steer to the dressmaker's, and mind the wedding cap fits you, for I tell you nobody else shall wear it. They're coming!— run, my darlin'. [Exit SALLY, L. -It's a deal too bad that a young man should suffer like this, and all because he can't hurt a woman's feelings! [Exit, R. U. E.

Enter MRS. SMITH and COCKLETOP, from CoCKLETOP'S house, R. H.

Mrs. S. Mr. Cockletop, I'm surprised at you; here have I been waiting for you a good half-hour, and let me tell you that bridling one's self on one's bridal morning's no joke, Sir.

Cockle. And so you have chosen another husband, number two, eh, Mrs. Smith? I don't doubt he'll turn out a better bargain than number one.

your

Mrs. S. What does the man mean by number two and number one? Cockle. Why, I presume you haven't quite forgot, Mrs. Smith, that there was one such a being in existence as poor Mr. Smith.

Mrs. S. Indeed, but I have forgot, Sir, and I beg you'll recollect to forget him too; I'm sure the only good he ever did his wife was when he made a widow of her.

Cockle. Well, well, poor Tom! poor Tom Gotobed Smith! Gotobed Tom, as we used to call him. I never saw him after we left school together. A promising fellow he was then

Mrs. S. Well, I'll just tell you how he kept his paomise. When he married me, he took the Golden Horn at Broadstairs-that was in the year 1800, and it's now 1820. Let me see, how long ago shall we call that?

Cockle. I should say not a great way from twenty years.

I

Mrs. S. Well then, twenty years ago, come Michaelmas, I went to Canterbury for a batch of Michaelmas geese; found the geese at Canterbury, but when I came back, that goose, Smith, was not to be found-the bird was flownand I never set eyes on my husband again from that blessed

moment!

Cockle. The report was, warrants were out against him for smuggling.

Mrs. S. So he was told on the sly by his friend Mr. Docket, Justice's Clerk at that time; and certainly, three or four casks of that dear irresistible liquor, French brandy, were found a day or two before, floating in the sea at the foot of our garden: but Smith was innocent: I'll do him the justice to say, Smith was too great a coward for smuggling.

Cockle. Then why didn't he stand his trial? Why bring down Outlawry with Civil Death by running away However, it was lucky the poor devil got clear off and died safe in America some ten years ago-in fact it was very sensible of him to die there.

Mrs. S. (wiping her eyes) Very.

Cockle. Because it saved him the mortification of being -transported here.

Mrs. S. It was, indeed, a great consolation for his inconsolable widow.

Cockle. Yes, it enabled her to marry again.

Mrs. S. Ah, such a man! I'd trust him with my last penny. By-the-by, you recollect my wish about the settlements, Mr. Cockletop.

Cockle. Perfectly; with very proper confidence in your future husband, you've taken care to settle every farthing of your property on yourself.

Lar. (heard singing, R. U. E.) "Of all the girls in our

town"

Mrs. S. I hear him! I should know that dear, merry, good-looking voice among a thousand!

Cockle. Well, two's company, they say: so I'll just run for the papers.

Mrs. S. And be quick about it. My friends the Gimps and Bobbinses go to church with us-we can't go without you. You know you've got to give me away.

Cockle. (taking her hand with sentiment) The office is flattering to me. Mrs. Smith, I've known you long-indeed, so perfectly do I know your worth, I'll give you away with pleasure. [Exit into house, R.

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Enter LARRY, R. U. E.

Lar. (L.) I think this plan of mine can't fail-I think I can't fail to have the pleasure of saying good-bye to my bride for three or on the least favorable calculation. Larry, my darlin', you're a clever boy entirely.

(sings) "There's none like blooming Sally." Mrs. S. Now to try the effect of blooming Sally's presence. (taps him on shoulder)

Lar. Mrs. Smith, why do you take away a man's breathing like that? Well, and how's yourself and all your family, Mrs. Smith? I don't see Miss Sally.

Mrs. S. (coldly) Miss Sally, Sir? We surely don't Iwant that child now!

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Lar. Oh, no, only she's such a child! Somehow it does one's eyes good just to look at her cheeks: so fresh-so red and white-such a picture

Mrs. S. (loudly) Sir!

Lar. (aside) Murder! (aloud) Yes-I repeat-such a picture-of her mother.

Mrs. S. (smiling) The girl is certainly handsome, and the likeness has been remarked before.

Lar. (L.) Remarked before, has it? Yes, before and behind too.

Mrs. S. (R. tapping him on the cheek) How dare you say any thing half so clever, you naughty, naughty, naughty boy?

Enter COCKLETOP from house, r.

Cockle. (R.) Now, Mrs. Smith-ah! good day, O’Lug. ger. Well, Sir, take your blushing bride and follow me to the back parlor. While she's putting the finishing stroke to her toilette, you and I'll put the finishing stroke to the settlements.

Lar. (L., aside) Now for my plan-now to emancipate the pussy-cat in the bag! (aloud) The sad truth must be told. I've been rather ordered off instantly for three days on special business-that rogue, Van Smelt, the Dutch smuggler, has been seen ashore near the Foreland-here's your own warrant and description, Mr. Justice's Clerk, (pulls out paper and reads)

"Two hundred pounds reward! Van Smelt, Dutchman, 5 "feet 2 inches high, and may be an inch or two more across "the shoulders-Features, handsome, but not to be seen "for his whiskers-Dress, a large black cloak lined with fiery red-wears collar up and hat down to shew his face "is concealed. Whoever will capture, or give information, "et cetera, et cetera."

66

My compliments to the Gimps and Bobbinses. I wish you a very good morning. (making off)

Mrs. S. (L., seizes one arm) No

you

don't.

Cockle. (R., seizes the other) You don't indeed: for I've 'his moment received information that the terrific Dutchman is tied neck and heels, and safe in Deal Castle-so come along to the back parlor and finish the affair.

Lar. It's no sort of use Oh, Larry O'Lugger! this is the consequence of your handsome personal exterior, you divil you! (MRS. SMITH pulls him) If Nature ever has to make you over again, I only hope she'll leave out your personal exterior altogether!

[Exeunt into MRS. SMITH's house,

Enter SMITH rapidly, looks about, and paces up and down He wears a large black cloak, which he throws

excited.

off.

Smith. England! England! do I behold thee, jolly old England? How often in the back wilds of wild Kentuck -in the silent solitudes of Old Virginny, where no human voice but the hyæna's was ever heard how often have I exclaimed with Dr. Johnson, "England, with all my faults I love thee still!" Yes, I love thee, England-upon my honor as a gentleman, I love thee still. In short, England, you may rest perfectly satisfied that I love thee still. By. the-bye, England, I don't know if you're aware of it, but a rather singular adventure has already occurred to me. About half way between this and Broadstairs, a man suddenly emerged from a ravine on the sea shore; his fine. features were well muffled in hair, which he seemed particularly anxious I should take notice of; for out of the vernacular Lingo which he began spluttering right and left, I could make nothing out but, "Mine hair! mine hair!" His expressive gestures gave me, however, distinctly to understand, that he wanted something to eat and drink, and wished to sell this cloak for ten shillings. The cloak being uncommonly cheap, and the day being remarkably cold, I felt charity for a fellow creature and bought the cloak. However, I want no cloak just now, for my proceedings must be open, public, and solemn. So hang there awhile, my four half-crowner! (hangs cloak on tree) Let me see, the instructions I got at Broadstairs were, to the East Cliff near the Flagstaff. There's the Cliff, sure enough; and there stands the friend of my youth, the Flagstaff! What do I see? (reads) "Sarah Smith, Widow, Dealer in Coffee, Tea, Tobacco, and Snuff." "Tis she? 'Tis my longlost, but still doting Sarah! The news of my death has reached her then-I thought so. I hear the most distinct sobbing: (loud laughing heard) fluctuating with bursts of maniac laughter! (looks in) Ah! 'tis she herself! and, as I expected, looking considerably older than she was twenty years ago-but I say, stop a bit-who's that florid marine warrior sitting cheek by jowl with her? (jumping) Ah! by yon skyblue Heaven she smacks him on the cheek, as she used invariably to smack me-only not by any means

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