Fag. Oh, no, sir-no-no-not a syllable, upon my veracity!-He was, indeed, a little inquisitive; but I was sly, sir-devilish sly!-My master (said I) honest Thomas (you know, sir, one says honest to one's inferiors) is come to Bath to recruit-yes, sir—I said to recruit and whether for men, money, or constitution, you know, sir, is nothing to him, nor any one else.

Capt. Abs. Well-recruit will do-let it be so

Fag. Ob, sir, recruit will do surprisingly;—indeed, to give the thing an air, I told Thomas, that your honour had already enlisted five disbanded chairmen, seven minority waiters, and thirteen billiard markers. Capt. Abs. You blockhead, rever say more than is necessary.

Fag. I beg pardon, sir~I beg pardon.-But, with submission, a lie is nothing unless one supports it.— Sir, whenever I draw on my invention for a good carrent lie, I always forge endorsements as well as the bill.

Capt. Abs. Well, take care you don't hurt your credit by offering too much security. Is Mr. Faulkland returned?

Fag. He is above, sir, changing his dress.

Capt. Abs. Can you tell whether he has been informed of sir Anthony's and miss Melville's arrival? Fag. I fancy not, sir; he has seen no one since he came in, but his gentleman, who was with him at Bristol. I think, sir, I hear Mr. Faulkland coming down

Capt. Abs. Go, tell him I am here.

Fag. Yes, sir-[Going] I beg pardon, sir, but should sir Anthony call, you will do me the favour to remember that we are recruiting, if you please. Capt. Abs. Well, well.

Fag. And in tenderness to my character, if your honour could bring in the chairmen and waiters, I shall esteem it as an obligation;-for though I never scruple a lie to serve my master, yet it burts one's conscience to be found out.

[Exit.

Capt. Abs. Now for my whimsical friend :—If he does not know that bis mistress is here, I'll tease him a little before I tell him.

Enter FAG.

Fag. Mr. Faulkland, sir.

Enter FAULKLAND.

[Exit.

Capt. Abs. Faulkland, you're welcome to Bath again: you are punctual in your return.

Faulk. Yes; had nothing to detain me when I had finished the business I went on. Well, what news since I left you? How stand matters between you and Lydia?

Capt. Abs. 'Faith, much as they were.

Faulk. Nay, then, you trifle too long if you are sure of her, propose to the aunt, in your own character, and write to sir Anthony for his consent.

Capt. Abs. Softly, softly, for though I am convinced my little Lydia would elope with me as ensign Beverley, yet am I by no means certain that she would take me with the impediment of our friends' consent, a regular humdrum wedding, and the reversion of a good fortune on my side.-Well, but Faulkland, you'll dine with us to-day at the hotel?

Faulk. Indeed, I cannot; I am not in spirits to be of such a party.

Capt. Abs. By heavens! I shall forswear your company. You are the most teasing, captious, incorrigible lover!-Do love like a man.

Faulk. Ah! Jack, your heart and soul are not, like mine, fixed immutably on one only object.-You throw for a large stake, but, losing-you could stake and throw again; but I bave set my sum of happiness on this cast, and not to succeed were to be stripped of all. Capt. Abs. But, for heaven's sake! what grounds for apprehension can your whimsical brain conjure up at present?

Faulk. What grounds for apprehension, did you

B

say? Heavens! are there not a thousand? I fear for her spirits her health-her life-O! Jack, when delicate and feeling souls are separated, there is not a feature in the sky, not a movement of the elements, not an aspiration of the breeze, but hints some cause for a lover's apprehension!

Capt. Abs. Ay, but we may choose whether we will take the hint or not.-So then, Faulkland, if you were convinced that Julia were well, and in spirits, you would be entirely content?

Faulk. I should be happy beyond measure-I am anxious only for that.

Capt. Abs. Then cure your anxiety at once-Miss Melville is in perfect health, and is at this moment in Bath.

Faulk.. Nay, Jack-don't trifle with me.

Capt. Abs. She is arrived here with my father, within this hour.

Faulk. Can you be serious?

Capt. Abs. I thought you knew sir Anthony better than to be surprised at a sudden whim of this kiad.Seriously then, it is as I tell you—upon my honour. Faulk. My dear Jack-now nothing on earth can give me a moment's uneasiness.

Enter FAG.

Fag. Sir, Mr. Acres, just arrived, is below.

Capt. Abs. Stay, Faulkland, this Acres lives within a mile of sir Anthony, and he shall tell you how your mistress has been ever since you left her.-Fag, show the gentleman up. [Exit Fag.

Faulk. What, is he much acquainted in the family? Capt. Abs. Oh, very intimate: He is likewise a rival of mine—that is, of my other self's, for he does not think his friend, captain Absolute, ever saw the lady in question;—and it is ridiculous enough to hear him complain to me of one Beverley, a concealed, skulking rival, who—

Faulk. Hush!-He's here!

Enter ACRES.

Acres. Hah! my dear friend, noble captain, and honest Jack, how dost thou? just arrived, 'faith, as you see. Sir, your bumble servant. Warm work on the roads, Jack-odds whips and wheels! I've travelled like a comet, with a tail of dust all the way as long as the Mall.

Capt. Abs. Ab! Bob, you are indeed an eccentric planet; but we know your attraction hither-give me leave to introduce Mr. Faulkland to you; Mr. Fauikland, Mr. Acres.

Acres. Sir, I am most heartily glad to see you: sir, I solicit your connexions.-Hey, Jack-what, this is Mr. Faulkland, who

Capt. Abs. Ay, Bob, miss Melville's Mr. Faulkland. Acres. Ah! Mr. Faulkland, you are indeed a bappy mau!

Faulk.

have not seen miss Melville yet, sir,-I hope she enjoyed full health and spirits in Devonshire?

Acres. Never knew her better in my life, sir-never better.-Odds blushes and blooms! she has been as healthy as the German spa.

Faulk. Indeed!-I did hear that she had been a little indisposed.

Acres. False, false, sir-only said to vex you: quite the reverse, I assure you.

Faulk, There, Jack, you see she has the advantage of me; I had almost fretted myself ill.

Capt. Abs. Now are you angry with your mistress for not having been sick!

Faulk. No, no, you misunderstand me:-yet surely a little trifling indisposition is not an unnatural consequence of absence from those we love.-Now confess -isn't there something unkind in this violent, robust, unfeeling health?

Capt. Abs. Ob, it was very unkind of her to be well in your absence, to be sure!

Acres. Good apartments, Jack.

Faulk. Well, sir, but you was saying that miss Melville has been so exceedingly well-what, then, she has been merry and gay, I suppose ?-always in spirits, hey?

Acres. Merry! odds crickets! she has been the bell and spirit of the company wherever she has been-so lively and entertaining! so full of wit and humour!

Faulk. By my soul! there is an innate levity in woman that nothing can overcome!-What! happy, and I away!

Capt. Abs. Just now, you were only apprehensive for your mistress' spirits.

Faulk. Why, Jack, have I been the joy and spirit of the company?

Capt. Abs. No, indeed, you have not.

Faulk. Have I been lively and entertaining? Capt. Abs. Oh, npon my word, I acquit you. Faulk. Have I been full of wit and humour? Capt. Abs. No, 'faith, to do you justice, you bave been confoundedly stupid, indeed.

Acres. What's the matter with the gentleman?

Capt. Abs. He is only expressing his great satisfaction at hearing that Julia has been so well and happy -that's all-hey, Faulkland?

Faulk. Yes, yes, she has a happy disposition!

Acres. That she has, indeed-then she is so accomplished-so sweet a voice-so expert at her harpsichord-such a mistress of flat and sharp, squallante, rumblante, and quiverante!—there was this time month-odds minnums and crotchets! how she did chirrup at Mrs. Piano's concert! [Sings] My heart's my own, my will is free. That's very like her.

Faulk. Fool! fool that I am! to fix all my happiness on such a trifler! Sdeath! to make herself the pipe and ballad-monger of a circle! to soothe ber light heart with catches and glees!-What can you say to this, sir?